How I Used CBT to Mend a Broken Heart

There is nothing worse than trying to mend a broken heart. Nothing!

The intense feelings of sadness and loss. Of losing someone to do things with. The belief that you will never find love again. The questioning whether you made a mistake.

There are a lot of emotions that are difficult to process. So, what do we do? We eat ice cream and drink wine and watch a lot of Netflix, hoping that the pain will pass.

There is something that can help you mend your broken heart quicker and in a healthier way. Using Cognitive Behavorial Therapy (CBT)is the key.

Psychology Today defines CBT as a type of psychotherapy in which patients reframe negative thinking patterns into positive thoughts.

Read What Is CBT And How Does It Work?

Let me explain how you can use CBT to process your broken heart.

#1 โ€“ Identify your feelings.

For each of us, our broken heart manifests itself with different feelings. The feelings are often the result of how the break-up occurred.

For me, when I broke up with my last boyfriend I was incredibly sad because I loved him madly but he couldnโ€™t give me what I wanted. I was also disappointed and angry that what I hoped would be wasnโ€™t.

When my husband left me for another woman, my feelings were completely different. I was mourning the loss of our family, I was furious that he had left me behind, I was scared because I would have to start finding my way financially and I felt completely disrespected that I could be replaced so quickly.

So, you see the difference between the two broken hearts?

The first step using CBT to cure your broken heart is to identify what feelings you are feeling. Are you sad, mad, disappointed, scared? Once you know what feelings you have you can more easily deal with them.

#2 โ€“ Recognize your emotions.

So, letโ€™s take you one step further into your feelings. That step is to identify what happens to you as a result of the feelings?

Ok, so, I was sad and disappointed when I had to break up with my boyfriend. With CBT I looked at what those feelings brought up.

My boyfriend had been in the process of a divorce. He made me many promises about his intentions around that divorce that were broken. He stopped being intimate with me and never made me a priority. So, I broke up with him and I was sad. But there was more to it than that.

Not only was I sad but my self-esteem was at rock bottom. I focused on how stupid I had been to let him lead me on for so long. I felt sorry for myself that he didnโ€™t make me a priority. I felt that I wasnโ€™t good enough if he wasnโ€™t willing to try harder to be with me. So, my feelings, my sadness, I realized, were more about being focused on what a loser I was.

I mean, how could ever find love again if I was such a loser?

And, so, I suffered, feeling shitty about myself and my future prospects. I recognized that the sadness was really a cover for the lack of self-worth that was really the problem.

So, take a look at the emotions that you are feeling about the feelings that you have. Are they what they seem to be? Dig a little deeper.

Read 11 Scary Symptoms of A Nervous Breakdown You Should Never Ignore

#3 โ€“ Reframe the negativity.

So, there I was, feeling rock bottom horrible about myself and not sure where to go from there.

CBT gave me some tools to work with in that it showed me how to reframe my negative thoughts about myself.

Instead of feeling bad about myself for letting him lead me on for so long, I worked to commend myself for having the strength to finally walk away. I recognized that not making me a priority was not because of me but because of how crazy his life was during the divorce. I also saw that HIS self-esteem was really low and that he probably didnโ€™t feel good enough for ME so he pushed me away.

By reframing my negative thoughts, the thoughts that were dragging me down, I started to see that what happened wasnโ€™t all my fault. Yes, I had spent more time waiting for him than was perhaps wise, but I DID get out. His lack of attention wasnโ€™t because of ME but because of his life circumstances. And that, perhaps, I wasnโ€™t such a loser and that another love might be out there for me!

#4 โ€“ Be easy on yourself.

I have never, ever met a woman going through a break up who didnโ€™t blame herself for the whole thing. Either her man was happy to put the blame on her or she took it all on herself, unwittingly. Either way blame for the end of a relationship is a heavy load to bear.

Whether you broke up with your guy or he with you, know that you are NOT entirely to blame. There are two people in every relationship and nothing happens in a void. Even if you fooled around on your guy and he broke up with you, something about your relationship with him was struggling or you wouldnโ€™t have fooled around.

So, be easy on yourself. It wasnโ€™t all your fault so donโ€™t let him, or you, carry the load all by yourself. You will be amazed at how much lighter your feelings are if you can truly accept that it that break-up wasnโ€™t all on you.

Read How I Use CBT When I Am Feeling Depressed

#5 โ€“ Take action.

Once I had processed my feelings and my emotions, I had identified my sadness and the lack of self-esteem that had resulted from the break up, I was able to see my future more clearly and start taking some steps to get on with my life.

The first thing that I was did was I blocked my guy on social media and put every momento of him that I had in a box. My guy, who I did still love, was part of my past and not my future.

I went back on Match and Bumble and started to date. And, yes, it wasnโ€™t much fun at first but it was very distracting.

I made a huge effort to plan doing things. I hiked and went to the movies and had dinner with friends. I went to parties (which I hate) and met new people. I shook up the narrow world that I had created while waiting for my guy to get his shit together. ย I started to have fun again.

And guess what happened! I met another guy. THE guy. And, because I had done my CBT work and processed my emotions and my feelings and built up my self-esteem, I was ready for him. I was ready to try again. And this time it worked!

So, donโ€™t stay home, waiting for your life to start again. Get out there. Make it happen! You can do it!

If you are struggling to mend a broken heart right now, I am so sorry! I wish that I could just lift that pain off you and let you get on with your life.

Unfortunately, I canโ€™t do that, but YOU can!

While it might seem too painful to confront what you are feeling head on, doing so gives you the best chance of a speedy recovery.

So, identify your feelings, focus on your emotions, reframe your negative thoughts, be easy on yourself and take action.

Take your life back. Itโ€™s yours, itโ€™s short and it needs to be lived!!!
If you have made it this far you must have a broken heart that needs to be mended ASAP.
Let me help you, NOW, so that you can get your life back and find love again!
Email me at [emailย protected] and letโ€™s get started!


How I Used CBT to Mend a Broken Heart

— Share —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

Am I Motivating Myself or Just Pushing Myself?

Motivation Myself or Pushing Myself Redefining

Am I truly motivating myself or just pushing too hard? Andrea asks a reflecting question if itโ€™s inspiration or unrelenting pressure. Let’s find out more about it!

Personal Perspective: The bracelet is inscribed โ€œKeep Going.โ€ Can I?

Motivating Myself Or Pushing Myself?

This bracelet inscribed โ€œKeep Goingโ€ was originally meant to inspire me because last year was a t


READ FULL ARTICLE โ‡ฒ
Up Next

Things People Learn Too Late In Life: 7 Eye-Opening Life Lessons

Things People Learn Too Late in Life Eye Opening Life Lessons

Life is full of unexpected events and sometimes there are things people learn too late. Though some lessons come with age and experience, as time goes by, we often wish we had known some important truths sooner.

These moments of truth can be very shocking as well as transformative, they help us live authentically, appreciate what truly matters, and make the most of our time. Below are seven crucial life lessons people learn too late and can still change the way they approach life.

7 Things People Learn Too Late In


READ FULL ARTICLE โ‡ฒ
Up Next

Anger and Emotions: What’s Really Setting Us Off?

Anger and Emotion Whats Really Setting Us Off

Ever wonder whatโ€™s really fueling your anger and emotions? Discover how a mindful approach can help you regain inner peace in your life!

Taking a mindful approach to exploring why we are angry.

Key points

Anger is a secondary emotion.

Anger is a warning sign that lets us know there is an issue to address.

Knowing what we are feeling will help us to address the source of our anger.

Anger can hit us when we least expect it. There are some people who get angry and not know what they are angry about. The


READ FULL ARTICLE โ‡ฒ
Up Next

How I Hacked My Personality: Steps To Be The Better Version Of Myself

How I Hacked My Personality

Can we truly reshape our personalities for lasting change? Discover Dr. Shannon Sauer-Zavala’s article “How I hacked my personality” and learn how small shifts in mindset and behavior can lead to meaningful transformation in your life.

A Personal Perspective: Science-backed strategies for intentional trait change.

Key points

Research suggests that personality changes over time.

We can speed up personality change by taking intentional action.

Changes that are reinforced by the environment are easier to maintain.


READ FULL ARTICLE โ‡ฒ
Up Next

Women Empowerment: The Rebecca Effect in “Ted Lasso”

Rebecca Effect In Ted Lasso Women Empowerment

Can women turn negative experiences into empowerment? Discover the โ€œRebecca Effectโ€ from Ted Lasso and transform your personal trials into powerful self-acceptance!

Personal Perspective: Empowering women to transform shame and betrayal.

Key points

“Ted Lasso” inspired with imperfect, endearing characters whose trials and transformations mirrored our own.

The โ€œRebecca Effectโ€ is the empowerment and transformation possible when we have been oppressed or shamed.

The “Rebecca Effect” is the process through which women embrace themselves in totality.


READ FULL ARTICLE โ‡ฒ
Up Next

The Healing Power of Emotional Tears

The Healing Power of Emotional Tears

Ever wondered why we shed emotional tears? Tears serve a healing purpose. Explore how it plays an important role for our well-being.

Emotional tears are an expression of our shared humanity.

Emotional tears, expressed by children, teens, and adults, are a universal experience observed across the globe. Emotional tears play a healing role, leading to our emotional and physical well-being. This post explores the value of emotional tears and the importance of presence and support from family and friends during unexpected

Read More Here: โ€œWhy Am I Always On The Verg


READ FULL ARTICLE โ‡ฒ
Up Next

10 Important Weekly Reflection Questions You Need To Ask Yourself

If you feel stuck and want to keep track of your goals every week, then weekly reflection questions can really help you. Weekly reflection questions can help you check in with yourself and make sure youโ€™re headed in the right direction. These are the questions you need to ask yourself every week to keep growing and moving forward.

Have you ever had a week with so much going on that you end the week feeling overwhelmed and exhausted? I know I have been there. Sometimes, the week goes by so fast that itโ€™s over before I know it, and there is no time left to process it.

A weekly reflection can help evaluate if what you are doing is working. It fosters self-growth. So, pull out that weekly reflection journal and answer the weekly reflection prompts below.


READ FULL ARTICLE โ‡ฒ

— Follow Us —