Complacency: The Relationship Killer

Robert Castellano M.S.

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Complacency In A Relationship: Ways It Kills Love

When effort weakens, connections fade, leaving partners feeling unappreciated and distant. Let’s learn how complacency in a relationship can kill love!

Can being too comfortable in a relationship lead to the end?

Key points

  • Complacency can happen over time in relationships.
  • Becoming too comfortable leads to blurred boundaries.
  • There are ways to refresh a relationship if complacency sets in.

Many people have heard of the honeymoon stage of a relationship. This is that time when you think that your partner can do no wrong and they are consistently at the top of your list of priorities in life.

This sense of awe and ecstasy is often prominent at the start of most relationships. It is during this period of time in the relationship that people are on their best behavior, and most of the behaviors from their partner that might be undesirable are often forgiven.

complacency in a relationship
Being Too Comfortable In A Relationship: Complacency Kills

Once this initial period in a relationship has ended, people often start to come out of their shells a little bit more. They have become more comfortable with their partner. It is possible that they are not having sex as often as they used to.

Read more here: The Hidden Intimacy Killer Damaging Your Relationship

It is during this period that there may be some arguments because they are more comfortable around each other and some bad habits may come out. Some things that might be argued about are simple things such as leaving up the toilet seat or not asking if your partner wants something to eat on the way home from work.

People fall into a routine and become comfortable. This is something that happens in every relationship at one point or another. You may hear your friends mention that they wish that their partner would be more like they used to be. This is often due to the fact that complacency has set in and the relationship is out of that initial honeymoon phase.

Comfort and Boundaries

Complacency in a relationship can lead to a diminished sense of connection and excitement. This will also hinder the growth in a relationship. When people become complacent in a relationship, they will often violate the other person’s boundaries.

When people’s relationship becomes stagnant and they feel like they are stuck where they are, they will often stop taking their partners feelings about things into consideration and they will find themselves taking their partner for granted. This is when people’s boundary lines sometimes get blurred. People will start treating their partner less like a partner and more like a roommate if they are living together.

Some examples of these violated boundaries might be using your partners things without asking. Many people can relate to a time that they have gone to the fridge for something, and it is gone because their partner took it without asking. Your partner might not clean up anymore or dress their best because they expect that you will clean up and they no longer feel the need to impress you because you are already in a relationship.

complacency in a relationship
Complacency: The Relationship Killer

If you are looking for ways to get out of the house so that you can have some quiet time or if you are looking forward to your partner leaving to go on vacation so that you can have some time to yourself away from them, this can be a warning that there is a sense of complacency that has set in the relationship.

Complacency Kills: So, How To Reignite The Spark?

The good thing is that there is hope. We can turn this relationship around in most cases and we can eliminate this bothersome thing called complacency. It will take work, but in most cases, it will be worth it in the long run.

Read more here: 9 Tiny-Yet-Toxic Relationship Habits That Kill Your Relationship

The first step in combating complacency in a relationship is to break the routine. We become complacent because our life has fallen into a routine. Try something new in the relationship. This can be going to a new restaurant or taking a mini vacation.

We also need to start treating our partner as the person we saw them as when we first met them. Do things to let them know that you love them.

Begin courting them again in a sense. Buy flowers or leave little notes for them. You might even look into packing a lunch for your partner for work. One of the most uplifting feelings in the world is knowing that there is somebody in this world that cares how you are doing.

Everybody has busy lives, but we have to take a break from life to spend time with the people that we love. This is going to serve two purposes. This will not only renew the relationship, but it will assist you in not becoming so overwhelmed with work that you become a miserable partner.

Relationships take work and we have to be mindful of that. Pay attention to how you are feeling and let your partner know. Keep an open line of communication with them and don’t let things go until they blow up. Let’s take care of our relationships so that we can live happy and complete lives.

References
May, R. (1969). Love and Will. New York, NY. W. W. Norton and Company.

Written by: Robert Castellano, M.S.
Originally appeared on: Psychology Today
complacency
How Complacency Can Ruin A Perfect Relationship

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— About the Author —

Robert Castellano M.S.

Robert Castellano, M.S., is currently a doctoral candidate at Saybrook University, working towards a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology with a focus on humanistic and existential psychology. Robert is a passionate student and writer. His interests include meditation, art, music, and film. He has a passion for helping people to reach their goals. Robert’s doctoral research is on the experience of rebuilding relationships for women after incarceration. Robert is currently on the board of directors for the North Central Pennsylvania branch of the National Alliance for Mental Illness (NAMI). He is also an instructor for Mental Health First Aid (MHFA).

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