10 Tips That Will Help You Avoid Emotional Manipulation

 / 

When you are in a relationship with a narcissist, or emotional manipulator, then every day will feel like a punishment. No matter what you do, you will feel trapped, and mentally drained. That is the power of a toxic person. But this does not have to your permanent situation, you can do a few things that will help you to avoid their emotional manipulation.

Changing an emotional manipulator is close to impossible, but that does not mean you will have to go through hell everyday. There are some effective tricks that will help you avoid their toxicity, emotional manipulation and help you move on from them for good.

Here Are 10 Tips That Will Help You Avoid Emotional Manipulation

1. A manipulator says something and later denies it.

Thatโ€™s a form of crazymaking and itโ€™s very convenient for the manipulator because you canโ€™t actually prove it without hard evidence. One way to counter that form of manipulation is to carry around a notebook with you or simply take notes on your phone when you feel a certain quote should be remembered.

Thatโ€™s very intimidating for the manipulator and a defensive reaction (most likely another emotional manipulation attempt) is sure to follow. If you donโ€™t want to be too suspicious, you can always let the manipulator know that you just feel โ€˜โ€™forgetfulโ€™โ€™ these days. Still, most emotional manipulators are pretty skillful and it wonโ€™t be hard for them to turn that around and make you feel bad in the end.

You must never underestimate such peopleโ€™s talent for lying and turning things around! If you find yourself feeling obligated to notate certain peopleโ€™s words for your own sake, you should ask yourself why are they still a part of your life.

Related: Identifying Emotional Abuse before it Happens.

2. The illusion that a manipulator is always willing to help you.

Offering or agreeing to help you goes hand in hand with complaining about how bothersome the task is. Donโ€™t expect a direct approach, though. A heavy sigh, eyes rolling, an annoyed facial expressionโ€“ expect anything but saying what they really think. The moment you try to blame them they donโ€™t look like they are willing to help you, crazymaking kicks in once again.

A manipulator will often try to play the victim. Your goal in such situations is to draw them out to admit how they really feel about the situation.

3. Instilling guilt and playing the victim.

Those are the manipulatorโ€™s most loyal weapons and heโ€™ll use them whenever there is an opportunity. As we saw earlier, an emotional manipulator will rarely say openly what they really thinkโ€“ their goals are accomplished entirely through emotional manipulation. Manipulators can take advantage of the victim role, too. By seeding the feeling of guilt, they could easily make you fight their battles and they wonโ€™t even be grateful.

It is likely that a quick act of showing how they didnโ€™t want you to do anything in the first place is to follow. The trick here is to be careful whoโ€™s dirty work you are doing. Do they really deserve it?

4.Your criticism will most likely be turned against you.

Thereโ€™s no point in being honest and pointing out stuff you donโ€™t like about the manipulator. Thatโ€™s their chance to turn it around! The question is how will it be this time. Donโ€™t forgetโ€“ every time another manipulation goes by, itโ€™s sure to be used against you. One way the manipulator turns things around is blaming everything on a side factor and then making you feel bad for criticizing. Example: Your date is late and as soon as you point it out, she starts blaming her boss for holding her at work.

The next thing you know, she is already explaining how you arenโ€™t making her day better by whining and so on. At this point, even if you know sheโ€™s lying, thereโ€™s nothing much you can say. Either that or you find yourself trying to make her feel better. Donโ€™t do that! Donโ€™t take an apology if youโ€™re sure itโ€™s full of crap. The key here is to judge the relevant person right and trust your gut.

Related: 11 Signs Itโ€™s An Emotionally Abusive Relationship

5. The so-called โ€œEmotional Manipulatorโ€™s Auraโ€.

In other words, the way the manipulatorโ€™s emotions spread among everyone around them. If, for example, the manipulator is feeling down for some reason, the natural instinctual response of the people around him would be to try to make him feel better. By doing so the people will hope to balance the โ€œemotional climateโ€ in the room.

Thatโ€™s a way to make people do the dirty work for you. Tolerate this kind of behavior for too long and youโ€™ll totally forget about your needs!

6. Making your problems look small or insignificant.

Has it ever happened to you, to tell someone about a bad experience youโ€™ve had once, and them to start talking about themselves without even allowing you to finish your story? Thatโ€™s another kind of emotional manipulation. The manipulator isnโ€™t willing to hear what you have to say and the only thing they really care about is for them to be heard. Furthermore, a huge wave of narcissism is to follow!

In many cases the manipulator will just put the spotlight back on them again โ€“ โ€œYour car broke down? Ha, thatโ€™s nothing โ€“ wait until you hear about my office problemsโ€ฆโ€. Again common sense is useless in this situation โ€“ as soon as you blame the manipulator heโ€™ll probably accuse YOU of always taking the spotlight. Donโ€™t bother, just walk away, there is no place for arguing here.

7. Words are not actions! As simple as that!

Remember that the manipulator will often say what you want to hear but that doesnโ€™t mean theyโ€™ll stick to it. Itโ€™s a temporary satisfaction of the victim and nothing more! Again, itโ€™s easy to spot such behavior but hard to argue the manipulator. The example at hand: A dad that verbally supports his daughterโ€™s desire to sing but does not attend her shows and doesnโ€™t show any interest in her development and talent later.

And the moment his daughter shows her disappointment, she gets something like: โ€œYour show is not the center of the universe, honey! โ€œ. You just have to find someone else to rely on and be supported by.

Related: Top 10 Warning Signs Youโ€™re Being Gaslighted in Your Relationship

8. Manipulators will often make you feel like they trust you.

Itโ€™s not such a complex process at all, especially if youโ€™ve just met the manipulator. All that needs is a deep, emotional conversation in which he shares a dramatic story or a big secret of his. Do I have to mention itโ€™s probably bullshit and the opportunities that this opens for further manipulations are countless?

Youโ€™ll end up nurturing their big emotional pain and feeding their attention needs. Rememberโ€“ emotional manipulators are about as vulnerable as a mad dog!

9. Getting a certain favor by asking for something bigger first.

Thatโ€™s a basic lesson in the โ€œManipulation Textbookโ€ and itโ€™s widely used. Itโ€™s as simple as thatโ€“ if you want something, ask for something bigger first. Thatโ€™s an average level of practicable psychology by once again using tools like guilt and selfishness. Need 20$ but your friend is kind of frugal? Ask him for 40$ first and after he refuses to ask for 20 โ€“ โ€œok, will you at least give me 20 then?โ€.

The key here is to swallow your forced guilt and say a hearty NO!

10. Using aggression to manipulate people.

Another trend among manipulators is the use of aggression for their purposes. The good news is itโ€™s pretty easy to spot. To understand how to cope with it, you have to know that manipulation is not identified by how the other person is behaving- it is identified by how you feel. The main goal of intimidation is controlling through fear.

For example, someone in the club is giving you a murderous look without any verbal or physical actions because youโ€™re dancing with that pretty girl. Thereโ€™s a way to handle similar situations called the โ€˜โ€™frame control methodโ€™โ€™. Long story short, itโ€™s having the strongest, most unmoving view of the situation when in a group of 2 or more people.

Related: Are You Dating an Emotional Predator? โ€“ Signs of Narcissists, Sociopaths and Psychopaths

What this means is, when this guy is trying to intimidate you, you simply behave as he is upset and needs someone to reflect his emotions back to him. Thatโ€™s your view of the situation or your โ€˜โ€™frameโ€™โ€™. The aggressorโ€™s frame is that you are scared of him. It all comes to which frame is strongest at the end. In other words, you just remain neutral and calmly reflect back on what youโ€™re seeing. This resistance is the key to frame control.


Written by Milen Raychev
Originally appeared on IheartIntelligence.com
10 Tips That Will Help You Avoid Emotional Manipulation
Tips Help Avoid Emotional Manipulation pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

How to Respond to a Manipulative Apology: 7 Ways You Can Turn the Tables on Emotional Manipulation

Ways to Handle a Manipulative Apology

Manipulative apologies are tricky; they sound like remorse but actually aim to shift blame, guilt-trip, or control the situation. Learning how to respond to a manipulative apology is crucial to maintaining emotional balance and protecting your well-being.

Always remember that apology without change is manipulative, and the quicker you realize that, the better it will be for you and emotional well-being.

Letโ€™s dive into what is a manipulative apology, how does a narcissist apologize and how to respond to a manipulative apology, so that you can handle these situations with confidence, and not get caught in an emotional trap.

Related:

Up Next

9 Malignant Narcissist Traits That Scream โ€˜Stay Away!โ€™

Malignant Narcissist Traits That Scream Stay Away

Ever met someone who just seemed a little too… intense? Maybe they needed control, demanded admiration, or seemed to enjoy making others uncomfortable? These arenโ€™t just common personality flaws โ€“ these are actually malignant narcissist traits.

Spotting these traits can help you steer clear of the emotional roller coaster that follows such people around. Weโ€™ll dive into exactly what is a malignant narcissist, the warning signs to watch out for, and how to deal with a malignant narcissist.

So, let’s get started shall we? We will begin with what is a malignant narcissist.

Related:

Up Next

What Is Child Abuse? Recognizing The Warning Signs

Child abuse and neglect is a very sensitive subject that needs to be handled with care.

One canโ€™t really associate a state like this with just bruises. There is emotional, as well as physical exploitation. Also, for a little kid to heal or recover from it, the earlier one spots the signs of it, the better it is.

Up Next

Unlocking The Pain Of The Past: 10 Signs Of Repressed Childhood Trauma In Adults

Ever find yourself reacting strongly to situations and not quite sure why? Either you hear echoes of your past, or itโ€™s probably because you listen to your inner child. In this article, weโ€™re delving into the signs of repressed childhood trauma in adults โ€“ those subtle whispers from your younger self that can shape your present.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Up Next

Are Adult Temper Tantrums Dangerous? Recognizing and Addressing the Risks

Adult temper tantrums can be really unpredictable and you never know which direction they might take. This article is going to discuss the dangers of temper tantrums in adults, so that you know how to protect yourself.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

KEY POINTS

Adult temp

Up Next

Spotting Emotional Neglect In Childhood: 8 Important Clues

Anyone who has been through emotional neglect in childhood knows that it never leaves you; it haunts you for the rest of your life. Itโ€™s like an invisible wound, that may not leave invisible scars, but it can shape you in ways you might not even notice.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Maybe it was the feeling that somethingโ€™s missing from your childhood, but you cou

Up Next

Romantic Manipulation: 10 Subtle Phrases To Watch Out For

Romantic manipulation is sneaky, and it can creep into a relationships without either person fully realizing it. We have all heard those phrases that sound sweet or caring but leaves a bitter aftertaste, making us second-guess our feelings.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Manipulative partners often have a way with words, twisting them to control or belittle. So, are yo