Words can be very powerful and hurtful and some phrases can end up destroying even the best of relationships. There are certain things you should never say to your partner, never say to the one you love, no matter what.
OK, guys have you always wondered- what is the secret is to a great relationship? The secret is not as much what you should do but more about what you should never say to your partner.
The dictionary defines love as a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. So if you want your loved one to feel loved it is about two things; what you do and what you say.
Please donโt kid yourself about the playground saying โsticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt meโ it is not true โ words can and do hurt. You know that. I often say we treat people at work better than we treat people at home, yet we like people at work and love the people at home.
Here are things you should never say to your partnerย because after all, you love them โ right?
Related: 10 Silly Habits That Seem Insignificant But Slowly Ruin Relationships
8 Things You Should Never Say To The One You Love
1. โI hate it when youโฆ.โ
How many times do you hear yourself say, โI hate it when you talk on the phone so longโ or โI hate it when you leave the towel over the shower bar instead of hanging up where it belongs.โ
Think about it โ you are telling the one you love that you hate something they are doing. How do you think that feels? So what do you say? Try โCould you do me a favor?โ And then explain what you want them to do. Thus, you must know what you should not say to your romantic partner.
2. โYou make me so #@&%$# mad!โ
Have you ever noticed when you tell someone that they make you mad they get mad too? So how is that working for you Hoss?
OK, here is the truth cowboy โ no one can make you mad. You can decide to get mad. You can decide to be massively irritated. That is your choice, not theirs. So what do you say?
Say instead, โWhen you do this it makes me feel like you donโt respect me.โ So the formula here is โwhen you do A- it makes me feel B.โ
3. โWhat is wrong with you anyway?โ
When the person you love is frustrated or hurt and angry or emotional, saying โwhat is wrong with you?โ sounds like they are damaged goods and they will not be well received. Itโs insulting them not helping them.
You can ask, โWhat is wrong? โor โAre you OK?โ Then empathize with what is wrong. The magic then is the tone โ a soft and caring tone not a critical mean tone.
4. โThat was stupid.โ
When you say โI canโt believe you paid that much for that โ that was stupid.โ The person hearing it doesnโt hear that. What they hear is that they are stupid. They donโt separate the act from the insult. They donโt even hear the words after that.
Just try really hard to eliminate the insulting words. They are called insulting because they insult the other person. When you throw around insulting words they will feel a need to defend themselves and often insult you back. Then you have a war.
Related: 6 Most Common Enemies of Intimacy In A Relationship
5. โYou always do that.โ
When you say, โYou always leave and go to work and forget to feed the cats.โ They say in their mind, โNo that is not true I donโt always, sometimes I do.โ There are no absolutes.
No one does or doesnโt do something all the time. The accusation makes them feel attacked. Why do you want the one you love to feel attacked?
6. โHere we go again.โ
When someone wants to talk about something serious, and it has been talked about before donโt say, โOh here we go again. I knew you would bring that up.โ
Obviously, they want to talk about it, and when you say that you are discounting their need to communicate. You are saying it doesnโt matter to you. If they matter, it should matter to you.
7. โJust shut up!โ
This is probably the worst one of all. Translation: I donโt even want to talk to you and I want you to stop talking because I am too frustrated. If that is true, it is reasonable to request a delay.
Just say, โI need some time to think this through, can we just talk about this later?โ When you delay or defer, you can talk when both of you are in a better state of mind.
8. โYou drive me crazy.โ
This should only be said as a compliment โ like โIt drives me crazy when I see you in that outfit- hubba hubba.โ
Not, โYou know it drives me crazy when you do that.โ Telling the one you love they are driving you crazy just makes them want to leave so you arenโt being driven crazy anymore.
Related: 10 Things That Can Slowly Ruin Your Relationship
What now man? Take some time and sit down and talk to your loved one and go through the list and agree on what you both will say in the future instead of negative hurtful words. You both will be so glad you did.
Want to know more about the things you should never say to your partner? Check this video out below!
Written by Shawn Doyle
Originally appeared in The Good Men Project
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