Do you often feel lonely even when surrounded with people? Hereโre ways to stop feeling lonely?
The great irony isย that as we become increasinglyย โconnectedโ โ on socialย media, video calling, and messaging โ we simultaneously feel increasinglyย lonely. And even though we mayย useย technologyย to feel more connected, it may beย exactly whatโsย leadingย us to feel lonely.
Are you feeling socially connected? (Take thisย well-being quizย to see how youโreย feeling.)
If not, try some of these 18 strategies to stop feeling lonely.
1. Practice self-kindness.
In difficult moments, itโs essential toย practice self-kindness. Blaming ourselves whenย we feel lonely is not helpful. Soย limit your hurtful self-talk,ย engage in some self-care, and just generallyย give yourself a break.
Perhaps aย walkย inย nature or a day at the spa may be helpful for getting yourself into a self-kindness mood.
Read 15 Ways To Be Kind To Yourself (Especially When Feeling Down)
2. Capitalize on the present moment.
When you feel good about something, share it with others right away, and I donโt mean โshareโ by posting on your social media. You could share by calling or texting a friend. Or share with the people you work with.
Keep in mind that the positive things that you can share donโt have to be big. You could simply have woken up on the right side of the bed and think,ย โHey, Iโm feeling great today.โ
By sharing these moments, youย create small moments of connection with others that can help you overcomeย loneliness.
3. Connect in real life.ย
Connecting in real lifeย may not be as easy as it once was. We often default toย using our smartphonesย โ itโs easier, and nowย itโs culturally accepted. But we can decrease our loneliness if we buildย stronger in-person connections.
We do this by looking people in the eyes, listening,ย being mindful, and choosing not beย distracted by our phonesย or other technologies.
4. Rethink how you spend your spare time.ย
When we feel lonely, sometimes we just want to retreat into a corner and hide. Other times, our endless to-do listย may leaveย us too exhausted toย go out and be social. But opting to stay aloneย every nightย with ourย phones,ย watching Netflix, orย playing on Facebookย can really get us stuck in loneliness.
Weโve created a life for ourselves that deprives of us of meaningful social connection, and the only way to get out of it is to start living differently.
Ifย we instead use our loneliness toย motivate us to reach out to people, then we canย strengthenย ourย relationships. By opting to cope with our loneliness by seeking out social support, weย create more social momentsย with the people in our lives whoย matter to us, which usually reduces our loneliness.
Read Spiritual Loneliness: What To Do When No One Understands You
5. Do more things with people.ย
Engaging in face-to-face social interactions tends toย improve our mood and reduceย depression.
Activities that involve other peopleย โ such asย attendingย religiousย services or engaging inย sportsย โ are also likely to have positive effects on our mentalย health. So find ways to be around people more.
6. Talk to strangers.ย
Aย growingย body ofย researchย suggestsย that even seemingly trivial interactions with strangers โ like chatting with a barista or cashier โ mayย be able to keep loneliness at bay by helping us feel more socially connected.
So reach out to other human beings to say hello, ask them how they are, or chat about whateverโs on your mind. These small acts can make a big difference and help you reduce feelings of loneliness.
7. Be active online.ย
Instead ofย passively surfing the netย or your social media, if you want to go online, opt instead toย do something that involves the active participation of other people.
For example, you couldย play games with others, chat about something you care about, give advice on a forum, or have a video call with a friend. The more you interact with others while online, the more connected you are likely to feel.
8. Share for real online.ย
Somewhere along the way, the word โsharingโ got co-opted on social media to describeย what is really just โhumble bragging.โ We post about cool things weย did, nice mealsย weย ate, or a fun party we went to โ all things that weย didnโtย actually share with the people who are viewing our posts.
Instead of posting about things you did, reclaim the word โshareโ for what it really means โ toย give a small or large portion ofย what is yoursย to someone else.
You could share advice, words of support, or evenย empathy, all from your smartphone. As a result, your connections are likely to be more kind and supportive.
9. Stop focusing so much on you.
ย Itโs almost inevitable in our modern technology-crazed world that we start to believe we donโt have enough.ย Bob got a new car. Sherri got a new house. Sonja got a newย job. We also see false or unrealistic images โ models photoshopped to have perfect waists and abs โ and we feel envious. As a result, weย become increasingly focused on how we are not measuringย up.
Instead of focusing on what you can get,ย shift your focusย to what you can give.ย You could sellย T-shirts online to raise money for a good cause.ย You could askย friends toย donate to a charity for your birthday.
By giving to others, you take the focus off yourself and do goodย at the same time, helping you to feel more connected and less lonely.
Read 5 Truths About Loneliness And How To Deal With It
10. Stop your negative thought cycles.ย
We might repeatedly think about what we could have done differently to prevent ourselves from feeling so alone. We ruminate on theย events or people or causes because we mistakenly believe that thinking about our lonelinessย over and over again will help us solve it. Unfortunately, it does us no good to getย caught up in our thoughtsย instead ofย taking the actions we need to feel better.
Toย put an end to these negative thought cycles, we need to take action โ do something different that stops these thoughts and changes our experience of the world.
For example, if Iโm feeling lonely, Iโll go to the gym or schedule lunches with friends for the next few days. And it helps.
11. Generate a sense of awe.ย
Aweย (like when we witness the birth of new baby, or a majestic mountain) makes time seem like itโs standing still and helps usย beย more open to connecting. Something about feeling small in the context of a big world appears to help us see ourselves asย part of a whole, which may help us feel less alone.
So expose yourself toย something that creates aweย โ like landscapes, new experiences, or new foods.
12. Spend money on experiences.
If weโre spending all our money on things, we wonโt have the cash to spend money on experiences with others. Andย it turns out thatย spending money on experiences is way better for our mental health.
So get creativeย and think about what you want to do with others. For example, I might go on a canoeing trip, go wine tasting, plan a beach party, or host an arts & crafts night.
What group activities might make you feel less lonely?
13. Payย attentionย to the things that matter.ย
How do we expect to improve our loneliness when we donโt know what causes it? Itโs hard.
So itโs helpful toย start paying attention to the present moment.
What are the experiences that make you feel lonely? And what are the experiences that make you feel connected or like you belong? Identifying these moments canย help you reduce loneliness, because you can limit your engagementย inย activities that make you feel lonely andย increase your engagement in activities that make you feel connected.
14. Create a vision board.ย
I keep a vision board tacked up by my desk to remind me of myย goals. A big chunk of my vision board is about connecting โ building community, networking, spending time with family, and the like. Sometimes I have a hard time sticking to it, but having the vision board reminds me to.
Once you discover the things that make you feel less lonely and more connected, it can be helpful to create a board or list orย plan for what youโll doย โ something to keep near you so you remember what you need to do to combat loneliness.
Read 8 Things You Can Do If You Want To Stop Feeling Depressed And Lonely
15. Tend to your network.ย
Sometimes we can end up feeling alone even though we are connected to lots of people. So it can be helpful to reach out to these people andย schedule times to catch up.
Aim to schedule at least one social hour per week โ a coffee date, lunch, or happy hour. Who knows, maybe an oldย friendshipย can be reignited.
16. Join an online group of like-minded people.ย
You can now find people online with just about any interest โ for example,ย politics, cooking, orย sports.ย Joining one of these mission-oriented groupsย can be a way to feel more connected to others, even when you donโt have access to face-to-face interactions.
You might get to know some new people or make lifelong friends. You can even try out a few groups to see which ones fit you best andย decrease your loneliness the most.
17. Volunteer remotely or in real life.ย
For some of us, itโs hard to find people to spend time with, let alone connect with. So we have to find new people.
One way to do this is by volunteering for a cause, either remotely or in your town. Just be sure youโre working with others. Working on an important problem with others can help you decrease loneliness.
18. Be nice to yourself.ย
Itโsย important toย practice self-compassionย when you fail at things.
Remember, everyone fails, and there is no need to be aย bullyย to yourself, feelย guilty, or put yourself down. That kind of attitude wonโt help youย decrease loneliness, now or in the future. Instead, try talking to yourself in a way that is supportive, kind, and caring โ and youโll be more likely to acknowledge mistakes you may have made in trying to decrease loneliness, and hopefully do better next time.
References:
Holt-Lunstad, J., et al. (2010). โSocial relationships and mortality risk: a meta-analytic review.โ PLoS Med 7(7): e1000316.
Written by Tchiki Davis
Originally appeared on PsychologyToday
Republished with permission.
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