Daughters of unloving mothers often suffer in silence, their pain unseen and their voices unheard. Learn five painful struggles they go through and help them in their journey to healing.
A mother’s love is something that should be evident, offered freely, and prized above many other things in life. Yes, a father’s love is important, but it’s the mother who holds the newborn infant close and serves as the first real attachment.
To girls, with emotionally absent mothers, there is something so traumatic that it can’t be put into simple words. I had my mother’s love, somewhat, but I can see the frayed edges of how I almost didn’t.
I’m sure many of you think the relationship between a mother and a daughter is just natural, and definitely loving. Not all these relationships are normal, however.
Related: What Is Golden Child Syndrome? 10 Signs Of “The Favorite Child”
Some young girls starve for the comfort and care from their mothers; a hug, reassurance, and a love that just isn’t there. If these words are touching something deep inside of you, and suddenly you realize that maybe you didn’t have that love you needed, then you aren’t alone.
There are so many women who never experience this vital emotion and attachment needed to conquer life.
Insecure Attachment
What you experienced in childhood was an insecure attachment. This is one way in which a lack of a mother’s love affects her daughter emotionally.
This attachment was manifested as either “ambivalent” (will good or bad mommy be here today?) or “avoidant” (I want love, but I’m afraid to seek it) attachment style.
The psychological implication is that either all relationships in the world are unreliable or there is always an opposition of wanting a mother’s love and being afraid of her abuse. It’s an anxiety-ridden corner of the human psyche; and an unhealthy place, to say the least.
Psychology of Attachments
In college, I studied basic psychology, where I learned that the first seven years of development framed who we are. This means, any form of attachment or otherwise, would form a template in the brain, one that could not be easily removed. Only by intervention, could these impressions be adjusted.
Later in life, we develop symptoms from a lack of healthy attachments. These symptoms point directly to the absence of a mother’s love. These are not normal, although you have probably believed them to be a part of your complicated character-untrue.
5 Painful Realities Faced by Daughters of Unloving Mothers
1. Lack of Trust is a primary symptom of the absence of a healthy attachment between mothers and daughters
Adult relationships, whether romantic or otherwise will suffer greatly from doubt, fear, and anger, due to the inability to believe others.
If you couldn’t trust the person who gave birth to you, how could you ever trust someone you’ve known a couple of weeks, months, or even a few years?
2. What may first seem like low self-esteem can be something much worse than that
The lack of nurturing at a young age and the constant criticism from your mother can cause you to have a distorted view of yourself.
If she said you were fat, you may grow up feeling overweight and if she said you couldn’t accomplish things, you might use that as an excuse to stop trying.
This is a powerful deterrent from normal life.
Related: 63 Most Commonly Used Phrases By Narcissistic Mothers
3. Lack of a mother’s love can hinder the development of healthy boundaries
One of the effects of unloving mothers on their daughters is the difficulty to say no, and the difficulty to trust.
You may not be able to appreciate your own time enough to limit what you do for others, and you should limit it at some point. Boundaries are underrated and should be a stable foundation for your self-esteem.
4. If you’ve felt judged by your mother, then you may be sensitive to certain words or phrases
Daughters of unloving mothers become very sensitive to stress, criticism, or even banters. It’s similar to having triggers that take you to an emotional state from the past.
What seems like an insult to you, may just be a joke and a way to break the ice in conversation. Years of emotional abuse soften the heart and leave little room for light-hearted fun.
5. If you aren’t careful, you can marry your mother.
What I mean is that we can subconsciously search and find a mate that acts the same way, including the neglect and criticism that our mother subjected us to.
Be careful and search for clues indicating similar actions from your childhood.
Lack of love from mother affects daughters in different ways
I can’t say for sure if my mother was lacking in proper love. I do remember instances of feeling criticized and alone, but it was hard to differentiate from the obvious abuse and neglect I suffered from other members of my family.
My mother loved me, whether it was healthy or not, and I do see some of these symptoms in my life.
If you see these things reflected back on you, please seek help.
Lack of a mother’s love affects her daughter, but It’s unfair to travel the remainder of your life in constant avoidance and ambivalence, damaged by the absence of a healthy mother/daughter relationship.
Related: The Lifelong Effects of Childhood Neglect By Parents
Healing is always closer than you think, and paving a way for future mothers and daughters is one of the most important tasks at hand.
Spread the love, healthy love, and appreciate those who took the time to love correctly!
That’s all for our topic on emotionally absent mothers and it’s effects on their daughters. Do let us know your thoughts by commenting down below.
To have a happy mother’s day, learn more about toxic mother-daughter relationships so that you can form a better connection with them!
Celebrate International mother’s day by making sure to communicate with your parent so that you can heal emotional scars and inner battles that can be challenging to overcome.
Reference: Psychology Today
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