When you are dealing with a psychopath, chances are they will resort to the “word salad” in order to confuse you, and protect themselves from blame. And this is nothing short of hell for the other person involved.
Basically, psychopaths are never interested in solving the situation or making it better; they will convolute the conversation in such a way that you will end up feeling not just confused, but guilty too. All the while, they will be able to get off scot-free and vindicated.
If you have been through this before, or worse, you are still going through this, there are a few warning signs which can help you understand when you are being played.
Here are the major signs of word salad.
Related: 15 Things Manipulative People Do to Try to Control You
9 Warning Signs of the Manipulative Word Salad
1. Same conversations every time.
You might think that you have worked everything out, only to again discuss it two minutes later. You will feel as if no conversation even happened in the first place, and you did not say anything.
They go on repeating the same thing over and over again, all the while entirely ignoring what you have to say. If something is going to be resolved, it will be on their terms.
With psychopaths, the same problems will crop up repeatedly—why are they staying in touch with their ex-partners? Why are they all of a sudden not paying any sort of attention to you? Why do they sound so eager to get off the phone?
When you confront them with such questions, they will pretend as if these are not problems at all, and that you are just looking to fight. You get sucked back in, only to feel high-maintenance & crazy when they decide “I’m sick of always arguing about this.” It’s an absolute rollercoaster of emotions when it comes to conversing with a psychopath.
2. Digging up your past mistakes and using them against you.
If you point out something nasty they’re doing—like ignoring you or cheating on you—they’ll mention something totally unrelated from the past that you’ve done wrong.
Did you use to drink too much? Well, then if they cheated on you, it’s justified. Did you not reach your first date on time? Well then, you can’t complain about them ignoring you for three days straight.
And God forbid you to bring up any of their past mistakes. Then, you are a bitter person who is always looking to cry and fight with them.
Related: Top 10 Warning Signs You’re Being Gaslighted in Your Relationship
3. Patronizing you and judging you.
When you converse with them, you will notice that the conversation is very calm, and composed. It will seem like they are making fun of you, and quietly studying your reactions to understand just how far they can push you.
When you finally give in to your emotions and react emotionally, they will instantly pounce on you, and ask you to handle yourself, and calm yourself down. They will make you feel bad about being emotional, and also might make fun of you.
The whole point of word salad is to make you feel crazy which not just makes them feel better about themselves, but also makes them have the upper hand. Always remember that when it comes to psychopaths, conversations are not just conversations, they are competitions.
4. Projecting on you the things they do.
When involved in conflicts and arguments, psychopaths have zero shame. They will start projecting their problematic behaviors on you without any form of shame whatsoever. This kind of behavior is beyond projection, as most of the time, people tend to project unintentionally.
Psychopaths know they are smearing you with their own flaws, and they are simply trying to get a reaction from you so that they can make you feel bad about it later. After all, how can you keep calm in the face of such flagrant hypocrisy?
5. Deceiving you with multiple personalities.
Through the course of a word salad conversation, you’re likely to experience a variety of their personalities. It’s similar to the practice of bad cop, good cop, stalker cop, demeaning cop, scary cop, and baby cop.
When they will see you pulling away from them because you are done with their problematic behavior, they will instantly give you a glimpse of their good side. They will manipulate you by convincing you that they will not repeat the same mistakes, all the while luring you into their trap. Once you come back fully convinced of their “honesty”, they will go back to their old and devious ways.
Meanwhile, you will be left confused about what happened, and after a point, you will start feeling overwhelmed with their multiple personalities. You just won’t know what to believe anymore, because everything will seem so confusing and painful.
Related: 10 Tips That Will Help You Avoid Emotional Manipulation
6. They always play the victim.
Somehow their cheating and lying will always lead back to a conversation about their crazy ex, and abusive past. You will end up feeling bad for them, even when they are the ones who were in the wrong.
Rather, you will use this as a way of bonding with them, supporting them, and looking for ways to help them deal with their complex emotions. And once they have successfully averted your attention elsewhere, everything will go back to the way it was.
No bonding or deep spiritual connection whatsoever. Psychopaths are experts at crying “abuse”, but it is always you who is left with nothing in the end.
7. You try to teach them basic human emotions.
When you are engaging with a psychopath, you will see yourself explaining to them the meanings of feelings, empathy, kindness, etc.
Normal people do not need to be taught these simple virtues of life. You are not the first person who has attempted to see the good in them, and you will not be the last. You will constantly tell yourself, “once they know that I am hurt, they’ll understand and stop doing it.” But they won’t.
When it comes to reforming psychopaths, there is no hope, because if they were good people they would never have tried to emotionally destroy you in the first place. The worst part is, they pretended to be a good person when you initially met them, but the actual truth is they were just sucking you in their trap with their sweet, caring persona.
8. Making excuses is their middle name.
Everyone messes up every now and then and that’s completely natural, but psychopaths resort to giving excuses more than they actually follow through with all their fake promises. Their actions never match up with their words.
You get so used to disappointment when it comes to them, that once in a blue moon when they end up doing something good and decent, you find yourself feeling ecstatic. The truth is, you have gotten used to experiencing mediocrity, and indecency.
Related: Dehumanization: A Narcissist’s Ultimate Manipulation Tool
9. You will always feel confused and overwhelmed.
The conversations you have with psychopaths leave you emotionally and mentally drained. And you might even be left with actual headaches.
You will find yourself spending most of your time obsessing about your arguments, conflicts, what you said, and what they said. You will start feeling emotionally and psychologically tired all the time and might also feel depressed.
Psychopaths will manipulate you so horribly, that you will constantly feel defensive, and ready to defend yourself the moment something comes up. At the same time, you will also try to be the bigger person, and resort to diplomacy to make the situation better for both of you.
You will hope that both of you will apologize to each other, resolve the whole situation, and go back to the way you were. But in the end, you’ll find that you’re the only one apologizing every time.
The next time a psychopath tries to use the technique of word salad on you, keep in mind these pointers, and deal with them accordingly. Refuse to be manipulated by them, no matter what. Be strong, and sure of yourself, and just watch their evilness fail on you.
Want to know more about word salad and word salad examples? Check this video out below!
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