A man is more empowered in his masculinity when he cultivates his feminine.
โMasculine pride is an exceedingly precious and fragile thing.โ โ Loretta Chase
The Feminine In The Masculine
โThe feminine in a man?โ A big burly man says. His massive biceps dwarf his muscle shirt, as he lifts at the gym. โHa, you got to be kidding me. Next thing you know, youโll be asking me to be join the knitting club.โ
โThat manly man ainโt so manly,โ another man says, โif heโs afraid of his heart.โ
Ok, you guys, break it up. Letโs talk here. The feminine in the masculine. Whatโs that mean?
Most guys say, I donโt know. Yet, guys who have done some work on themselves say, itโs being in touch with your emotions. True, and thereโs more.
Fear, anger, sadness, joy. Those are the basics. Not so easy for a man to access.
โWhat are you feeling?โ I ask Jason, my client.
โWell, Iโm frustrated. My wife is insisting that we go to her parents for Christmas. She knows I always feel picked on by her mother. I donโt want to go andโฆโ
โJason, what are you feeling?โ I say. He looks at me, annoyed. โFrustrated is not a feeling. Itโs a state of being. What is the emotion behind the frustration?โ
He takes a breath and continues. โItโs just, I donโt want the holidays to be a shitshow, like they were last year. Whyโs she asking meโฆ.?โ
Heโs back in his head.
A man who canโt access basic feelings is stuck in a compromised state. He can only be so strong as a man. He can only be so strong in his masculine.
โIt is not what he has, or even what he does which expresses the worth of a man, but what he is.โ โ Henri-Frederic Amiel
Any man who stays in this place for too long will notice that most of his relationships are compromised โ with his partner, his kids, his parents, siblings, etc.
He is often told by his partner that heโs emotionally absent.
Told that heโs not enough. And as a result, he feels diminished in his masculinity โ his ability to be strong, capable, and directed.
The paradox is this.
A man is more empowered in his masculinity when he cultivates his feminine.
And that begins with his ability to feel his emotions. When he canโt feel his emotions, they come out sideways inโฆ
โฆrage
โฆviolence
โฆimpotence
โฆnumbness
โฆand self-destruction (drugs, alcohol, pornography, etc).
The statistics are staggering.
In response to the emotionally sideways man, most women leave. Yes, 70% of divorces today are initiated by women. And itโs as high as 90% for college-educated women.
Dudes, itโs a new world. Women arenโt taking our shit anymore.
Today, the relationship is the super-currency to happiness. Your marriage or partnership is an external manifestation of the currency you traffic in. And the backer is your relationship with yourself.
Your ability to work with your hooks and triggers.
To feel your emotions.
To bring your masculine to the feminine.
And ultimately, to own, master, and be self-responsible with your emotions.
Read What are Your Divine Feminine and Masculine Creative Energies?
Until you do so, you will naively believe all your emotions, especially if you canโt feel them. And they will run you from the unconscious. You canโt master what you canโt see.
The new male warrior of the world is the relational master. Relationships dictate everything โ his work, his friends, his family.
The relational master partners with a woman who is his equal. He has his tribe of allies. And he does business with those who can meet him at his level.
His self-relationship is his compass for all his relationships. He ascribes to the old age truism, inscribed on the Delphi Temple millennia ago โ Know Thyself. Today his greatest challenge and most critical endeavor is โฆ Know Thy Heart.
Yet the climb to such mastery is steep.
Ken Wilber, integral theory pioneer and acclaimed philosopher said, a man has been trained, for thousands of years, in two instincts โ F*ck it or Kill it. For a woman, it was one instinct โ Relate to it.
And so it is menโฆ weโre on a massive evolutionary uphill climb today. Only in the last 50 years have we been asked for more than two instincts. And that more is this โ to be relational, which starts with knowing what you feel.
But to add insult to injury, we have to do this uphill climb in The Man Box, and no less daunting, with an empowered post-feminist woman.
Observe Exhibit A: The Man Box.
An emotional box that a male is caged into as a boy, often as early as age 3, restricting the range of acceptable emotions heโs allowed to access. (For more on the Man Box, check out โThe Mask You Live Inโ.)
In this construct, only one emotion is allowed โ Anger. Not permitted are fear, sadness, and joy. This wreaks havoc on a boy, positioning him to grow up and be in few healthy, empowered adult relationships.
โGod made man stronger but not necessarily more intelligent. He gave women intuition and femininity. And, used properly, that combination easily jumbles the brain of any man Iโve ever met.โ โ Farrah Fawcett
Men, letโs get real, this is warrior work; to do it, we must look at the dark places within ourselves that were once prohibited. To see what the caged monsters of fear, sadness, and yes, even joy, have to offer us โ keys to defusing the all too prevalent male anger.
Accessing the feminine in the masculine is far from sissy work, as the hyper-masculinized bodybuilder above would have you think. It is more difficult than any physical training a man can undertake.
Iโve heard many a combat vet, fresh from Iraq or Afghanistan, say it took more courage to get emotionally healthy than to have fought on the actual physical battlefield. The mission is often not clear within.
โJason, what are you feeling?โ
โI donโt fuckinโ know. I already said. Frustrated.โ
โIโd say youโre feeling anger.โ
In time, we get to his sadness.
But for now, we keep working on it. Eventually, he reports feeling less fragmented, and more comfortable asserting his masculine gifts.
His wife no longer asks, โWhereโs the Man in my man?โ
Read 3 Things You Need To Do To Be A Real Man
Written by Stuart Motola
Originally appeared in Stuart Motola
Hereโs an interesting video that you may find helpful:
Accept your emotions
Recognizing and acknowledging your emotions is not a punishable offence despite what society and decades of programming may have you believe. The feminine energy inside of men is sacred. It is not something that should be ignored or overlooked. Rather all men need to identify and accept it as an essential part of their authentic selves.ย
Your femininity completes your masculinity. Tapping into your range of emotions will not make you weak or appear less manly. Instead, it will make you feel empowered and help you understand who truly areโฆ a real MAN!
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