When it comes to romantic relationships, everyone wants to be with a high-quality partner.
Looking to find and date a high-quality partner?
Youโre in luck!
I recently wrote a piece over on Elephant Journal called โMarry A Man Who Knows How To Love Hard.โ
I described a man who is there for all of the inevitable what-ifs of lifeโฆ who lovingly listens to how his partnerโs day wentโฆ and who understands that love is shown through the little things.
From my vantage point, nothing outlandishly extraordinaryโฆ and yet, a lot of commenters weighed in on the post with consistently surprising reactions.
The two most common questions that showed up across the comments section wereโฆ
- ย Does this kind of man actually exist?
- ย If these men do exist, where can you find such a man, and what can you do to attract him?
Note: I wrote the piece about men because the majority of the people who follow Elephant Journal are heterosexual women, so I framed the piece in a way that would appeal to the majority of their readers.
Iโm going to switch to a more gender-neutral stance for the rest of the article since the following advice applies equally to both men and women.
On to the good stuffโฆ
Now, there is no such thing as a universally high-quality partner because every person on the planet has a different definition of what they find uniquely attractive in their romantic partners.
So for simplicities sake, Iโm going to define a high-quality partner as someone who has a high degree of success/efficacy/awesomeness in their physical, financial, emotional, and spiritual realms.
A high-quality partner is someone who has a high degree of success and aptitude in all of the major areas of life that most people believe to be universally appealing. Theyโre kind, generous, honest, considerate, funny, smart, and exceptionally loving. These are the kinds of people Iโm talking about.
By contrast, a person who has a lot of money but is awful to be around because theyโre negative, argumentative, and is quick to judge and shame you would not qualify as a high-quality partner. Excelling in one of these areas does not overcompensate for a complete lack of several others. They have to be well-rounded-ly fantastic.
A high-quality partner is someone who the vast majority of a randomly selected sample of a population would all deem as โa catch.โ
So the obvious place to start is with the first questionโฆ
a) โDo these kinds of people even exist?โ
Let me say, without a shred of doubt or hesitation, that YES, these people absolutely exist.
Not only do they exist, I actually wrote many lines of the aforementioned article based on real men that I know who love in exactly the way that I describe.
These men are not fictitious. They are people who I see, on a weekly basis, loving their girlfriend, wives, and partners in precisely the way that I describe in the article that raised so many skeptical eyebrows.
Not only do I have these kinds of men as friends and colleagues, but these high-quality men also make up the vast majority of the client base of my private coaching services.
Itโs not uncommon for the people that I work with (male and female) to be self-employed and financially successful, in exceptional physical health, and in the top 5% of the most kind-hearted, generous, and loving people youโve ever met.
Not only that, but they also live their lives with an admirable level of intentionalityโฆ i.e. if a problem comes up in their relationship/business/with their health, they have the overarching mindset that it wonโt stay a problem for long. Theyโll do whatever it takes to work their way through the block and get back to a peak state of being (in whatever way that means for them).
Are these people perfect? Are they flawless human beings? No, of course not. Thereโs no such thing as perfection when it comes to people. But they are ridiculously high functioning, amazing, well-rounded people that the vast majority of people would feel blessed to be in a relationship with.
So it begs the questionโฆ if Iโm so confident that these people exist (and believe me, they do โ Iโm not just hallucinating hundreds of amazing people)โฆ why would the majority of people doubt their existence so passionately?
I could deep dive into this piece of the answer for 3-4,000 words by itselfโฆ but the main reason/short answer is that itโs easier to discredit the existence of something than to put in the necessary work in order to achieve that difficult task. Speaking of putting in the necessary workโฆ on to the second question!
(CAUTION: hard โ but necessary โ work ahead!)
b) โWhere do you find an exceptionally high-quality partner?โ
The answer to this question has the potential to have the most nuance to it because how you define your high-quality partner varies compared to how anyone else defines their high-quality partnerโฆ but the action you can take is the same.
The highest leverage action steps I can give you to answer this question are the followingโฆ
1. Write down a list of anywhere from 10-50 character traits that you want to have in a partner. And then force yourself to select the absolute core FIVE that mean the most to you.
Itโs easy to get carried away at this stage. And if you do, thatโs totally fine. Write it all out to your heartโs content. But you still have to narrow it down to your most important five at the end of writing down your big list.
Related: 3 Tips for Finding the Perfect Partner for You
For example, some of the 10-50 traits that I personally enjoy in a partner (but that are not mandatory for me) are things like โlikes the same kind of music as meโ, โprefers not to spend hours cooking meals and would rather eat something simpleโ, and โhas chubby thighs.โ
Whereas my core five points include things like โhas something that she is passionate about outside of our relationship,โ and โtakes responsibility for herself, her emotions, and her sense of growth and fulfillment.โ
For the vast majority of people that Iโve taken through this exercise, the five core traits that they seek are almost always all internal, character-based traits (as opposed to external/physical traits).
2. Make it your set-in-stone, Iโm-really-going-to-give-this-a-shot intention to fully embody the five traits you listed as super important.
Thatโs rightโฆ become your must haves list.
For example, if you tell yourself that you need a partner to help you relax and stop you from being such a workaholicโฆ then become the force in your own life that allows you to slow down, relax, and take downtime from your work.
Or if you tell yourself that you need a partner to provide entertainment for you (because you just canโt live without fun and excitement) then work on creating all of the fun you could possibly handle and become a master at entertaining yourself.
Or if you tell yourself that you need a partner who is able to help you open up to your sexuality, start putting in the work to open yourself up to your own sexuality. You get the idea.
Something magical happens when we start to give ourselves the exact things we tell ourselves we need from our romantic partner. Weโre happier, we more fully become our authentic selvesโฆ and we start to meet and attract the people weโre meant to be with ease.
This step is also the way to eradicate any overly needy energy that you might have broadcasted to potential mates in the past.
I donโt love the word โneedyโ because we all have healthy, normal emotional needs in our relationships but, in the negative sense, needy just means people can feel that you arenโt taking care of yourself to a healthy extent and you need them for your emotional fulfillment to an exhausting degree. So get your own needs met first. Itโs within your power to do so.
3. Go to the places where your best self goes and live your most highly-aligned, exceptional life for three consecutive months.
There are likely a few places in your life that you know that you either want to start going to or wish you went to more often (examples: the gym, yoga, playing your favorite sport with friends, the movies, the theatre, book club, the park, etc.).
There are also some habits you wish you were cultivating that youโve been slacking off on. Or friends that you wish you saw more often.
How do you figure out if there are things you wish you had more of in your life? Eitherโฆ
1) Start listening to that nagging voice in your heart/gut/mind that has been telling you for months to do it, orโฆ
2) Complete the sentence โIf I truly allowed myself to do the things I wanted to be doing, starting today, I would startโฆโ twenty times in a written format and then carry out all of the things that you have written.
Are three months really necessary to meet and attract your dream partner? No. In fact, itโs probably overkill. Itโs very likely that if you follow the above steps to the T, you wonโt have to wait that long at all. Why is that? Because you will be embodying your best and truest self. You will be emitting the radio frequency of YOUR unique form of happiness into the world which will then make your most highly aligned partners notice you with that much more ease.
Related: 8 Reasons Why An Alpha Woman Is The Best Partner You Can Ever Have
When you begin to see and honor yourself for who you are and live a life in alignment with your authentic self, it will be that much easier for your most highly aligned romantic partners to spot you in a crowd.
They will pick up on your radio signal and feel the deeply compelling urge that tells them, โWoahโฆ THAT one!โ
F.A.Q. On Finding Your Ideal High-Quality Partner
Iโve been interviewed on this exact topic so many times, and from so many different angles, that I feel like I could go off on it for hoursโฆ but here are some final thoughts that I think are all relevant.
Iโve put these ideas in a kind of F.A.Q. format because I have received each of these questions at least a dozen times each in the past month.
1. Is it easy to attract one of these high-quality partners?
Yes, and no.
It can be easy to attract one if you happen to run into one (and youโre lucky), but if you havenโt done your work in terms of facing and removing your emotional blocks to love, falling in love with your life, and living your life with a high degree of intentionality, then it isnโt likely that the relationship will last for any length of time.
For most people, in most cases, in order to date a catch you have to be a catch. And that isnโt something that youโre born into.
Sure, you might be born into money or good genetics, but you arenโt necessarily born into being kind, compassionate, loving, intentional, and emotionally fulfilled in all areas of your lifeโฆ the majority of those things take hard workโฆ work that most people simply arenโt willing to do (which makes it that much easier to stand out from the crowd if you ARE putting in your real, challenging work).
2. What do these high-quality people look for in a partner?
A lot of thingsโฆ and they totally depend on the individual. But the most common ones that I see/hear from my friends and clients that fit this mold areโฆ
โ Someone who has multiple pathways to their own emotional fulfillment outside of the relationship. AKA they enjoy their lifeโs work, they have friends that make them happy, they have hobbies that bring them joy, etc.
โ Someone who takes full responsibility for their happiness, their emotional responses, and themselves in general. For these kinds of high achieving/super-intentional catches, intentionality is in and victimhood is out.
โ Someone who is growth oriented as opposed to having a fixed mindset. AKA they want partners who believe that any limitation can be affected, improved upon, or moved through entirely with the right education, persistence, and experience.
Related: 15 Things Bold, Fearless Alpha-Women Do Differently
3. Are there any things that these high-quality partners are turned off by quickly?
โ Victim mindsets
โ People who are quick to judge, blame, and criticize others
โ Overly limited thinking or any overarching beliefs that show a fixed-mindset (i.e. โPeople never changeโ, or โMy grandpa died of lung cancer so Iโm probably headed for it tooโฆ so it doesnโt matter if I smoke or not.โ)
Whatever your reasons for wanting to be in an intimate relationship with someone who has their life together to an exceptionally high degree, just know that it does generally take a lot of work to be able to get to a place where they can feel mutual respect for their partners. They have high standards for a reason, and itโs worth it to become the kind of person that can easily date one of these high-quality partners.
Do your internal work, get fulfilled in your own life, spend time where your best self wants to be spending time, and youโll meet your ideal, high-quality partner in no time.
Dedicated to your success,
Jordan
Written By JORDAN GRAY
Originally appeared on Jordangrayconsulting.com
Printed with Permission
The more you work on yourself, the better are your chances of finding a high-quality partner. The moment you focus on yourself, and work towards self-fulfillment, your search for your dream partner will gradually come to an end.
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