So, who exactly is a “vindictive mother”? Well, it’s not just a mom who’s a little cranky or gives you the cold shoulder once in a while. We’re talking about those mothers who holds grudges, plays mind games, and never hesitates to make your life harder. Why? Because she can.
A vindictive mother is a malicious mother, who isn’t your regular parent—she is controlling, manipulative, and, at times, straight out cruel.
Do you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around her? If you answered yes, then chances are you have vindictive narcissist mother. So today we are going to explore what the signs of a toxic mum are and what you can do to handle her.
Related: The 10 Types Of Toxic Mothers: Understanding The Traits That Harm Their Children
Who is a Vindictive Mother?
A vindictive mother isn’t just a regular parent—she’s uses her relationship with her children as a weapon to fulfill her own selfish needs. Instead of supporting and nurturing her kids, she resorts to manipulation and tries to control situations to get her way.
Grudge-holding is her favorite game to play, she never forgets a single slight, and frequently uses your emotions to guilt-trip you and make you feel small.
She loves having power over others and often makes you feel like you can never do anything right. You walk on eggshells, not knowing when an emotional grenade in going to be dropped on you.
Now that we know who is a vindictive and malicious mother, let’s talk about the signs you were raised by one.
10 Signs You Were Raised By A Vindictive Mother
1. She holds long-term grudges.
One of the biggest signs you were raised by a toxic mother, is this right here. Your mother just can’t let go of a mistake you made, even if it was five years ago.
You might have apologized to her a thousand times and moved on, but she will keep on bringing up your past mistakes, only to make sure that you keep on feeling guilty.
It’s like she has this mental scoreboard, and no matter what you do, you keep on losing.
2. She constantly guilt-trips you.
A hallmark of a malicious mother is her ability to make you feel guilty for things that aren’t your fault. She will say stuff like, “I have made so many sacrifices for you!” or “I have done so much for you, and this is how you treat me?”
She has this uncanny ability to twist anything into a personal attack, leaving you feeling emotionally exhausted and unsure of yourself.
3. She uses your vulnerabilities against you.
If you have been raised by vindictive narcissist mother, you would know how much she loves using your weaknesses against you. She always take advantage of those things that trigger you.
Be it your insecurities, past blunders or even personal fears – she will being them up during the worst possible time. For her, poking at your fragile spots is what makes her heart happy.
4. She tries to dictate every aspect of your life.
From what you wear to who you date, a vindictive mother feels entitled to control every little thing about you.
If you try to assert your independence or make decisions for yourself, she’ll do everything she can to undermine you or guilt you into following her agenda. It’s suffocating, and you’ll feel like you’re suffocating in her shadow.
5. She uses silence as a weapon.
One of the signs of a toxic mum is this. If she gives you the silent treatment for days on end, you’re probably dealing with someone who knows how to use emotional manipulation to her advantage.
She uses silence to punish you, and no matter how many times you say sorry and try to make things right, she won’t break that wall of silence. It’s a manipulative trick that more often than not, leaves you desperate for her approval and forgiveness.
Related: How Toxic Mothers Can Ruin Their Child’s Chance At Happiness
6. She plays the victim.
One of the biggest signs you were raised by a toxic mother, is her playing the victim card in every situation; even when she is at fault.
She will make you out to be the bad guy if you are trying to set boundaries. As if you have done an unforgivable thing by wanting space
Every argument is twisted to make you feel like you’re the one who’s selfish or cruel, and she’s the poor, misunderstood martyr.
7. She blames you for everything that goes wrong.
One of the signs you were raised by a toxic mother. It’s never her fault. No matter what happens, a vindictive mother will find a way to blame you for anything that goes wrong in her life.
Lost her job? It’s because you didn’t show enough appreciation. Had a bad day? Clearly, it’s because you didn’t call her when you were supposed to. It’s emotionally exhausting to always be made the scapegoat by your vindictive narcissist mother.
8. She tries to isolate you from others.
If you feel like your mother is trying to drive a wedge between your friends and life, then don’t take it lightly. This might even gradually lead her to creating problems between you and your spouse.
She might subtly plant seeds of doubt, saying things like, “Are you sure they’re really your friend?” or “You deserve better friends than them.” She’ll try to make you feel like she has been the only one who has looked out for you and truly cared about you.
9. She involves others in your conflict.
When a vindictive mother realizes that she is not being able manipulate you, she will drag other people into the fight. her A vindictive mom never keeps her issues with you private.
She’ll run to other family members, friends, or even your partner, telling them how bad you’ve been and how hard she’s had it. It’s all about building a case against you, trying to turn people against you and make you feel like you’re the villain in the story.
10. She never apologizes.
No matter how hurtful her actions or words might be, a malicious mother will never admit she’s wrong. If you confront her, she’ll deflect, deny, or try to make you feel like you’re overreacting.
A vindictive narcissist mother may even turn the situation around to make you feel guilty for bringing it up in the first place. It’s a classic tactic to avoid taking responsibility for her behavior.
How To Handle A Vindictive Mother: 5 Powerful Steps
1. Don’t try to “fix” her.
A common trap is believing that if you try hard enough, you can fix your relationship or change your mother’s behavior. Unfortunately, this rarely works with a vindictive person.
Instead, accept that you can’t control her actions—only how you respond. Stop putting so much energy into “fixing” things, and start focusing on creating a balanced, fulfilling life for yourself.
Related: What Is A Devouring Mother? Overcoming A Narcissistic Mother’s Toxic Grip
2. Don’t play her game—create your own.
A vindictive narcissist mother may try to get under your skin by pushing your buttons, because she knows all your weak points. One strategy is to refuse to play by her rules.
If she expects you to react to her emotional outbursts, surprise her by staying cool and calm. When she sees that her manipulations aren’t working, she might try different tactics, but by not engaging, you take away her control.
3. Create emotional distance.
It’s not just about physical space—it’s emotional distance, too. A vindictive mother thrives on getting a reaction out of you, so the less she sees you emotionally affected by her behavior, the less power she has.
Practice the art of emotional detachment, and work on detaching yourself emotionally from the situation.
4. Have your own personal support ritual.
When you are dealing with a malicious mother, you need to have something personal with you, so that you can rely on it for comfort.
Whether it’s yoga, journaling, or a walk through nature, creating a ritual to process emotions and recharge can help you stay strong.
It’s your safe space to regain peace, especially after a stressful interaction with her.
5. Accept her limitations.
Sometimes, the best way to handle a vindictive mother is accepting that she may never change. This doesn’t mean you stop trying to protect yourself—it just means that you stop expecting her to be the nurturing, supportive mom you might wish she were.
Once you accept her limitations, you can start to shift your focus to building a healthy life despite her behavior.
6. Get professional help (for both of you).
This isn’t a battle you need to face alone. If possible, suggest family therapy or counseling. It can help provide a neutral ground where both sides can express themselves.
If she’s resistant, consider going on your own—therapy can help you navigate the complexities of having a difficult mother and give you the tools you need to deal with her behavior.
Takeaway
It’s tough, no doubt. But remember, you’re not alone in dealing with a vindictive mother. Set boundaries, protect yourself, and remember that you deserve love and respect—no matter what anyone else tries to tell you.
Related: 12 Gripping Movies About Narcissistic Mothers That Depict Moms From Hell
Do you relate to any of these signs you were raised by a toxic mother? Let us know in the comments down below
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