Why Vulnerability Is So Important For Healthy Relationships: 3 Reasons

โ€œVulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.โ€ โ€• Brenรฉ Brown

Imagine this scenario:

You notice your partner seems anxious about something. Youโ€™re not sure whatโ€™s going on, but all day theyโ€™veย been actingย agitated and on edge.ย How do you respond? Is there a part of you thatย beginsย to worryย or perceive theirย mood as a rejection of you? What do you say to your partner about your concernsโ€”if anything? Do you reach out, even if youโ€™re not sure how?

Part of the way you respond to situations likeย this is related to how able you are to accessย and express your vulnerability. Far from weakness,ย vulnerabilityโ€”our willingness to tell the truth and be ourselves, even in the face of uncertaintyโ€”is an innate gift we can all learn to develop, and a gift that can greatly benefit our intimate relationships.

Hereโ€™s what prominent researcher, author,ย and speakerย Dr. Brenรฉย Brownย has to say about it (and she has quite a lot to say about this topic):

  • โ€œVulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that itโ€™sย alsoย the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.โ€
  • โ€œVulnerabilityย is not winning or losing; itโ€™s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.โ€
  • โ€œVulnerabilityย is not weakness; itโ€™s our greatest measure of courage.โ€

Keep reading to learn why living with vulnerability is such a key element to aย fulfilling relationship.

Related: How To Find Strength Through Vulnerability In A Relationship

3 Ways Being More Vulnerable Can Strengthen Your Relationship

1. Vulnerability Improves Yourย Relationship With Yourself

Remember the classic airplane metaphor of putting on your own oxygen mask before helping someone else? The idea that we need to help and heal ourselves before we can truly transform our intimateย relationshipsย has profoundย wisdomย in it.

Being more vulnerable can boost yourย sense of self-worth since the (sometimes scary)ย experience teaches you how to stand up for yourself even in the face of things you canโ€™t control. By facing and working through uncomfortable situations, rather than turning awayย or shutting down, youโ€™re teaching yourself how to be resilientโ€ฆand increasingย your self-confidence in the process.

In this way, you may evenย start to feel less dependentย on the opinions and perceptions of othersโ€”since your compass becomes your own inner wisdom, rather than the thoughts of other people which are out of your control. Thisย promotes an inner sense of security that servesย as a solid foundation upon which you can connect meaningfully and lovingly with your partner.

2. Vulnerability Helps Establish Trust With Your Partner

When we act and speak withย truthโ€”including the truth of how weโ€™re feeling and what we needโ€”while also giving space for ourย partners to be truthful,ย thenย we build the bridge of trust between one another.

Can this feel uncomfortable sometimes? Absolutely.ย Butย the risk of acting dishonestlyย comes atย a muchย higherย price since it drives disconnection.ย As reported by Psychology Today, one Stanford University studyย found that when people try to hide their feelings, other people can โ€œsenseโ€ the inauthenticityโ€”as indicated by a rise in their blood pressure!

By showing each other aย willingness to be vulnerable, you and your partner are communicatingย that your relationship is a safe space to love, take chances, and learn together. Trust is also essential for discussing andย establishingย healthy boundaries regarding money, intimacy, parenting, and any other area in life.

vulnerability

3. Vulnerability Strengthensย Your Bond

When we deepen theย trust we share with our partner and continue to express our vulnerability (continue to do challenging things), we help foster a sense of teamwork. We learn that we can show up as ourselves in our relationship without fearing rejection or shame because we are emboldened by our mutual support for each other.

Your relationship can then become aย powerful container where you can work together to heal past hurts, honor each otherโ€™s needs and wants, and workย through conflict with respect, humility, and lovingness. Partnersย who are willing to be vulnerable with each other are often motivated to heal and be happy, rather than be โ€œright.โ€ They see each other as equals andย as teammates, not just lovers.

Related: Why Vulnerability Is Your Greatest Asset In Life

Conclusion

If a relationship is like a garden, then a coupleโ€™s shared vulnerabilityย is like fertilizer or manure. That is to say: even if being vulnerable feels a little uncomfortable or โ€œickyโ€ at times, it can truly help a relationship grow and thrive.

Of course, deciding to be more vulnerable isnโ€™t about oversharing, disrespecting privacy, or always โ€œputting it all out thereโ€ with your partner. Itโ€™s also not about being weak or a pushover. Vulnerability IS about telling the truthโ€”not only to your loved ones but to yourself, too.


Written By April Eldemire
Originally Appeared On Couples Thrive
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