Can the wild, chaotic world of KPop Demon Hunters teach us about finding true wholeness? Let’s explore what Dr. Luana Marques shares!
Hiding our ‘demon parts’ keeps us disconnected, and integration leads to healing.
Key points
- Avoidance makes us hide the parts of ourselves we fear are unlovable, leaving us disconnected and stuck.
- Dialectical behavior therapy teaches that two things can coexist, we can be strong and vulnerable.
- Reframing self-talk with compassion helps integrate hidden parts of ourselves into a sense of wholeness.
- Practicing “and” instead of “or” allows us to embrace our strengths and vulnerabilities at the same time.
Do you ever feel like parts of yourself are welcome in the world, while others must stay hidden?
KPop Demon Hunters Lessons On Wholeness
I was reminded of this recently at my son’s birthday party. He wanted to see KPop Demon Hunters in the theater. Honestly, I went reluctantly—animated movies aren’t usually my thing.
Read More Here: 5 Valuable Life Skills Often Learned By Those With Complex PTSD
But as I sat there, popcorn in hand, I realized the story was striking at something I see every day in my clinical practice: the struggle to love our whole selves.
The Problem of Partial Selves
The main character, Rumi, is half demon and half hunter. To be accepted as a hunter, she hides her demon parts—her marks, her secrets, her vulnerabilities. She focuses only on what the world tells her is “good.” Her adoptive mother warns her: “People won’t love your demon part.”
That tension felt achingly familiar.
In our culture, we’re taught to fight hard for the parts of ourselves society values: Be smart, be beautiful, be hardworking, be honest. But what about the parts that feel less than? The moments of grief, fear, insecurity, or shame?
Many of my clients wrestle with this divide. A woman I worked with who lost her son once told me, “In my wholeness, there is also my brokenness.” For her, becoming whole again meant not erasing her grief, but learning to love her son’s memory—and herself—through it.
Rumi’s struggle mirrors our own. We spend so much energy hiding our “demon parts” that we disconnect from ourselves and, ultimately, from others.
The Science of Integration
In dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), there’s a core principle: two things can coexist. Life is not only either/or. It is both/and. I can be strong and vulnerable. I can feel broken and whole.
Yet avoidance is what keeps us stuck. When we fear that our less-valued parts will lead to rejection, we avoid them—by over-performing, by living only in the roles society rewards, by denying the parts of us that hurt. It feels safer, but it makes us lonelier.
In my book, Bold Move (Marques, 2023), I describe avoidance as the brain’s quick fix for discomfort. Avoidance can look like perfectionism, numbing emotions, or focusing only on what seems socially acceptable. But over time, it blocks growth. To thrive, we need to face discomfort—not run from it—and integrate all parts of who we are.
How To Practice Wholeness
If you find yourself caught between who you are and who you think you should be, here are two science-based strategies to begin practicing wholeness:
1. Practice “AND” instead of “OR.”
Notice when you frame your identity in extremes: I’m either confident OR insecure. I’m either successful OR a failure. Then practice shifting to AND: I am confident AND I sometimes doubt myself. I am successful AND I have areas to grow.
- Example: Instead of saying, “I’m a strong person, but I cry too much,” try, “I’m a strong person AND I cry when I’m hurting.” Both can be true.
2. Shift your inner narrative by talking to yourself like a best friend.
When painful emotions surface, ask: What would I say to a dear friend if they felt this way? Most of us are far more compassionate to others than to ourselves. Practicing self-talk with kindness helps integrate vulnerability into your sense of self rather than rejecting it.
- Example: Instead of “I’m weak for feeling anxious,” try, “I’m human, and it makes sense I feel anxious in this situation. I can still take the next step.”
These small shifts quiet the brain’s urge to avoid and open space for integration.
Read More Here: Feeling Lost Or Heavy? 7 You Might Be Going Through The Nigredo Alchemy Phase
A Call For Wholeness
Rumi’s story is a reminder: We are not just our “good” parts. Our wholeness includes our vulnerabilities. And often, what we fear will make us unlovable is the very thing that makes us real—and therefore capable of deeper connection.
The challenge is to stop avoiding integration. To allow the “demon” and the “hunter,” the strong and the broken, the confident and the insecure—to coexist.
Because in the end, wholeness isn’t about perfection. It’s about acceptance.
So, are you practicing wholeness in your life? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
References
Linehan, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder. New York: Guilford Press.
Marques, L. (2023). Bold Move: A 3-Step Plan to Transform Anxiety into Power. New York: HarperOne.
Written by: Dr. Luana Marques
Originally appeared on Psychology Today
Leave a Comment