When you have been through something very traumatic, keeping it bottled up inside might seem like the safer thing to do. However, telling your trauma story or sharing your trauma may have healing effects and it may loosen its grip on you.
When weโve survived an extremely upsetting event, it can be painful to revisit the memory. Many of us would prefer not to talk about it, whether it was a car accident, fire, assault, medical emergency, or something else.
However, our traumaย memories can continue to haunt us, even โ or especially โ if we try to avoid them.
The more weย push away the memory, the more the thoughts tend to intrude on our minds, asย many research studies have shown.
If and how we decideย to share our trauma memories is a very personal choice, and we have to choose carefully those we entrust with this part of ourselves.
When we do choose to tell our story to someone we trust,ย the following benefits may await.ย (Please note that additional considerations are oftenย necessary for those with severe and prolonged experiences of trauma or abuse, as noted below.)
Related: How To Heal From Childhood Trauma When Itโs Hampering Your Mental Health
6 Ways Telling Your Trauma Story Can Help You
1. Feelings ofย shameย subside.ย
Keeping trauma a secret can reinforce the feeling that thereโs something shameful about what happened โ or even aboutย oneselfย on a more fundamental level. We might believe that others will think less of us if we tell them about ourย traumaticย experiences.
When we tell our story and find support instead of shame or criticism, we discover we have nothing to hide.
You might even notice a shift in your posture over time โ that thinking about or describing your trauma no longer makes you feel like cowering physically and emotionally. Instead, you can hold your head high, both literally andย figuratively.
2. Unhelpful beliefs about the event are corrected.
Many people experienceย shifts in their beliefs about themselves, other people, and the worldย followingย a traumatic event.
For example, a personย might think theyโre weak because of what happened, or that other people can never be trusted.ย When we keep the story inside, we tend to focus on the parts that are most frightening or that make us feel self-critical.
Iโve often been struck during my work with trauma survivors by the power of simply telling oneโs storyย to shift these unhelpful beliefs.ย These shifts typically donโt require heavy lifting by the therapist to help the trauma survivor recognize the distorted beliefs.
Instead, thereโs something about opening the book of oneโs trauma memory and reading it aloud, โfrom cover to cover,โ that exposes false beliefs.
For example, a person who was assaulted might believe they were targeted, because they look like easy prey; through recounting what actually happened, they may come to see thatย it was due to situational factors (โwrong place, wrong timeโ), rather than something personal and enduring about themselves.
Telling the trauma story to a supportive therapist is one of the key components ofย Cognitive Behavioral Therapyย (CBT), which isย one ofย the most effective treatmentsย forย post-traumatic stress disorderย (PTSD).
I recently exploredย the latest findings on PTSD treatment research withย psychologist Dr. Mark Powers,ย Director of Trauma Research at Baylor Scott andย Whiteย Health.ย
As we discussed, effective CBT typicallyย doesnโt require an intensive examination of the survivorโs beliefs and evidence for those beliefs, as is often done in CBT for other conditions. Instead, insights about the truth of what happened emerge just through talking about what happened and what it means.
Related: How To Heal From Emotional Trauma And Past Wounds?
3. The memory becomes less triggering.ย
Revisiting a trauma memory can be very upsetting, triggering strong emotional and physical reactions and even flashbacks to the event. Those reactions can stay in place for years if we haveย unprocessed trauma memories, especially when weโre trying to avoid thinking about the trauma.
Through retelling the story of what happened, we find that our distress about it goes down. The first time, itโs likely to be very upsetting, even overwhelming, and we might think weโll never be able to tolerate the memory.
With repeated retelling to people who love and care about us, though, we find the opposite โ that the memory no longer grips us. As Dr. Powers noted, we find that the memory no longer controls us.ย It will never be a pleasant memory, of course, but it wonโt have the same raw intensity that it once had.
4. You find aย sense of mastery.
As we talk about our trauma, we find that weโre not broken. In fact, as Dr. Powers pointed out, we can come to see that our reactions to trauma actually make sense.
For example, itโs understandable that our nervous systems are on high alert since theyโre working to protect us from similar dangers in the future.
Many trauma survivors Iโve worked withย described the strength they found as they faced their trauma and told their stories. They said they felt like they could face anything, as they saw their fear lessen and found greater freedom in their lives.
It takes courage to tell your story, and witnessing your own courage shows you that youโre not only strong but also whole.ย ย
Related: 7 Steps To Healing Childhood Trauma As An Adult
5. Theย trauma memory becomes more organized.
Trauma memories tend to be somewhat disorganized compared to other types of memories. Theyโre often stored in fragments,ย disconnected from a clear narrativeย and a broader context.
Existing research suggests thatย these differences are detectable in the brain, with unprocessed trauma memories showing less involvement of areas like the hippocampus that provide context to our experience.
Recounting the traumaย begins to organize the memory into a story of what happened.ย We can see that it has a beginning, a middle, and an end and that it happened at a specific place and a specific time.
We can better understand the events that led up to it, and our own reactions at the time and in the aftermath.ย By putting a narrative frame around it, theย memoryย can become more manageable and less threatening.
6. You begin toย make sense of the trauma.
The biggest benefit from sharing our trauma stories may comeย from starting toย make sense of a senseless event. โAs humans, we gravitate toward processing and trying to make sense of our experience.โ Dr. Powers said, and that need is especially pronounced following a trauma. โThatโs why treatment is often geared toward finding a sense of meaning.โ
While PTSD treatment shares elements with the treatment ofย anxiety, such as phobias, Dr. Powers pointed out that it focuses more on meaning than does treatment for anxiety.
โWe donโt see the same type of drive to make sense of oneโs fear inย panic disorderย or spiderย phobia,โ he said. โThe person doesnโt tend to say, โI really need to understand my fear of spiders. But that does seem to happen in PTSD, that our brains need to process what happened.โ
Accordingly, effectiveย therapyย for PTSD includes not only revisiting the trauma memory but also exploring its possible meanings. The meaning doesnโt come โoff the shelf,โ of course, but can only be arrived at by each individual. According to Dr. Powers, โAt best we can help guide them through that discovery process.โ
Related: Inner Child Work: 5 Ways To Heal Deep-Rooted Trauma
Important Considerations
It probably goes without saying that not everyone is the ideal person to share your trauma with. Some people may have a hard time hearing itย based on their own traumaย history.
Others might respond with blame or criticism, or other non-validating responses. Choose carefully so that the person is likely to meet your story with understanding and compassion.
Timing is also important. It may take time before youโre at the point where youโre able to put the trauma into words.
Be patient with yourself, recognizing that โnot nowโ doesnโt have to meanย โnever.โย Again, you get to decide when, where, and how you tell your story, which is a crucial part of owning the events of your life.
A Note About Complex PTSD
As noted above, the points raised here are based for the most part on work with discrete types of trauma โ for example, a one-time car accident or violent assault.
Other considerations may beย necessary for those experiencing more complex forms ofย PTSD, such as those with a history of severeย childhoodย maltreatment. The National Center for PTSD providesย additional information on complex PTSD.
The full conversation with Dr. Powers is available here: The Best Tested Ways to Treat Anxiety and Trauma.
References:
Abramowitz, J. S., Tolin, D. F., & Street, G. P. (2001). Paradoxical effects of thought suppression: A meta-analysis of controlled studies.ย Clinical Psychology Review,ย 21, 683-703. Amir, N., Stafford, J., Freshman, M. S., & Foa, E. B. (1998). Relationship between trauma narratives and trauma pathology.ย Journal of Traumatic Stress,ย 11,ย 385-392. Brewin, C. R., Gregory, J. D., Lipton, M., & Burgess, N. (2010). Intrusive images in psychological disorders: Characteristics, neural mechanisms, and treatment implications. Psychological Review,ย 117, 210-232. Beck, J. G., Coffey, S. F., Palyo, S. A., Gudmundsdottir, B., Miller, L. M., & Colder, C. R. (2004). Psychometric Properties of the Posttraumatic Cognitions Inventory (PTCI): A replication with motor vehicle accident survivors. Psychological Assessment, 16, 289-298. Powers, M. B., Halpern, J. M., Ferenschak, M. P., Gillihan, S. J., & Foa, E. B. (2010). A meta-analytic review of prolonged exposure for posttraumatic stress disorder. Clinical Psychology Review, 30, 635-641.
Written by Seth J. Gillihanย Originally appeared on Psychology Today
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