Negativity in relationships is like slow poison; with time, negativity can ruin a relationship for good. So, how to stop being negative in a relationship? This article is going to talk about the repercussions of negativity in relationships and how to stop being negative in one.
Many of us have been there.
You bring up an issue with your partner, and you feel attacked by their response. You get defensive and return fireโonly for them to do the same. Itโs a battle that no one can win.
Thankfully, it doesnโt have to be this way.
Making small shifts to your mindset can work wonders in your relationship. Here, weโll take a look at why negativity can ruin a relationship and explore small daily steps that you can take to help you and your partner move to a more positive headspace.
Related: 10 Kinds Of Negative Thinking That Can Poison Your Relationship
How Does Negativity Hurt Relationships?
Turn on any TV sitcom, and itโs likely that youโll see the age-old story of the clueless husband and the frustrated wife. Itโs easy to understand why negativity in relationships is accepted as a normal part of life, but that doesnโt mean that itโs conducive for long-term relational happiness.
Most people believe that theyโre better (more intelligent, more honest, or more successful) than they really areโa type of thinking known as overconfidence bias. Thatโs not the only bias at play when it comes to being hyper-critical of your partner.
Many people also experience a negativity bias, meaning they pay more attention to negative information than positive information. So, if youโve ever noticed that negative comments from your partner seem to stick in your mind more than positive ones, itโs not just in your head.
Negativity in a relationship results in major withdrawals from your relationship bank account, and no matter how many positive comments you make to counteract negativity, itโs hard to get out of the red.
Neuroscience tells us that our brains tend to put more weight on negative events than on positive events, likely because people tend to spend more time looking at negative stimuli compared to positive stimuli.
So how do you turn all of that negativity into more positive pursuits? Experts at the Gottman Institute suggest the 5:1 ratio for relationships. They state that during arguments, the happiest couples have five positive interactions for every one negative interaction.
This means that even when serious issues are on the table, happy couples continue to joke, compliment, and support their partners.
If youโve found that your relationship is sailing down the spiral of negativity, no worriesโall hope is not lost. Letโs take a look at some of the small changes you can make to begin the process of getting things back on track.
How To Stop Being Negative? 4 Things That Can Help
1. Listen to UnderstandโNot to Respond.
Itโs easy to get caught up in crafting your response to your partner before theyโre finished talking. Instead of developing a rebuttal, listen to your partner (and ask questions when theyโre done speaking) to ensure that you fully understand where theyโre coming from before you share your thoughts.
Related: 8 Types Of Negative Thinking That Can Destroy Your Peace Of Mind
2. Recognize Bids for Connection.
Recognizing small interactions known as โbidsโ for connection can help increase the positivity in your relationship.
When your partner lets out a long sigh after a phone call, smiles at you when you walk into the room, or points out something funny in the newspaper, theyโre making a bid for your attention.
Studies by The Gottman Institute show that people in happy, positive relationships tend to turn toward (engage with) the bids far more often than they ignore or reject bids.
3. Take Care of Yourself.
Itโs hard to be positive with your partner when youโre not feeling great about yourself. Taking care of yourself doesnโt just mean treating yourself to your favorite foodsโit also means getting enough exercise, sleep, and healthy foods, spending time with positive family and friends, and avoiding people and things that drag you down.
4. Counteract Negativity with Positivity.
Like we mentioned earlier, itโs important to both lower the number of negative interactions you have with your partner and counteract the negative interactions you do have with positive ones.
As youโre working to lower your negativity, pay attention to your speech and actions, and work to pepper in additional positive comments when you notice youโve been critical or pessimistic.
Related: How Negative Interpretations Hurts Relationships: 3 Things You Can Do
Remember โ Change Starts With You
When youโre putting in the work to change the tides in your relationship, it can take some time for your partner to get on board. Talking with your partner about shifting your relationship in a positive direction can be effective, and itโs important that youโre patient with them as they work to make changes.
Want to read more such empowering pieces? Check out April Eldemireโs blog here.
Written By April Eldemire Originally Appeared On Couples Thrive
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