How To Argue with Someone Who Doesn’t Want to Listen

Arguing with someone who doesn’t want to listen to your opinions and what you have to say, is nothing short of exasperating.

It’s important to set someone straight, right? You need to be clear about your position and debate with someone else to prove your point, right? You can’t let someone get away with a wrong opinion without informing them they are wrong, right?

Unfortunately, it’s not right. When someone believes what they believe and resists new information, every attempt to set them straight really just cements their position and their belief that they can’t let a new idea take hold. If you think about a fight, when one person pushes another or hits them – the person either pushes back or recoils in horror. It doesn’t encourage someone to move toward you, or toward your position.

And you expend energy being upset. Being frustrated. Feeling helpless or defeated because you just can’t make someone who has an opposing view see that they are wrong. You might have facts, data, and information to the contrary to prove your point, but hard as you try, the person you are arguing with just digs their heels in deeper and stands firmer in their position.

In sales there is a term called “qualifying” – it means you don’t waste your time on someone who is likely never to buy from you. You qualify to figure out where someone is in the process and whether they will ever be open to listen to your offering or to consider making a purchase. When determining if someone is worth your time to disagree with, or share an opinion, or provide a differing point of view, be sure to qualify.

This means being careful about where you share your insights and pearls of wisdom. It means taking care of yourself – not to find yourself in constant conflict with those around you who just don’t want to listen to reason. Arguing with someone who doesn’t want to listen and isn’t “qualified” to the point where they can be open or curious about a new viewpoint only puts you and that person further at odds.

Doesn't Want to Listen

When you give out your energy to someone who is locked down in their thinking and hasn’t shown you that they might be open, you are sending energy out without receiving anything in return. In fact, thinking back to the fight analogy, you are sending energy that is either hitting a brick wall or being utilized by someone else to be used back against you. This does nothing but depletes you. It is truly a waste of your time and focus. The point of “qualifying” your listener is to be sure you are sending energy where it will multiply and be more positive.

Taking this approach does not mean you never have a point of view! It doesn’t mean you don’t provide information to someone who is willing to listen. It means you are thoughtful and careful about the energy you spend and how you spend it. If you are passionate about something, you want to share information and explain why it matters to you so much – just be selective about where and when you do it.

Sometimes the best approach to changing someone’s mind is not to hit them head-on with your ideas, but to drip on them with something to consider, to read, to ponder in their free time. Sometimes it is best to send them an “I was thinking of you when I read this” and provide insight or a link to an article or video that could provide them information.

Being careful about who receives what you have to offer is a way of taking care of yourself. It actually enhances your energy and provides you the encouragement to find those that do care and want to listen and learn.

Related: 5 Good Reasons To Stop Arguing With A Narcissist

Consider this the next time you want to blast someone on social media, or write a nasty retort to someone with a different point of view, or argue with someone that you know doesn’t care and won’t care no matter how much you do care.

Resolve to “qualify” your audience and what you will say to whom.

Conserve your energy for what matters in your life. Continue to drip and inform where you can be heard, and ignore those that pull from you. This makes for a much more productive and peaceful life.

Check out Beverly Flaxington’s best selling book on Amazon.


Written By Beverly Flaxington
Originally Appeared In Psychology Today

When you argue with someone who doesn’t want to listen to what you have to say, and is hell-bent on sticking to their views and opinions, then it’s useless wasting your time and energy trying to make them understand your point of view. People who you think have a chance of considering your opinions, deal with them tactfully. But people who are narrow-minded and rigid, it’s better to pull away from them.

Argue with Someone who Doesnt Listen Pin

— Share —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

Things People Learn Too Late In Life: 7 Eye-Opening Life Lessons

Things People Learn Too Late in Life Eye Opening Life Lessons

Life is full of unexpected events and sometimes there are things people learn too late. Though some lessons come with age and experience, as time goes by, we often wish we had known some important truths sooner.

These moments of truth can be very shocking as well as transformative, they help us live authentically, appreciate what truly matters, and make the most of our time. Below are seven crucial life lessons people learn too late and can still change the way they approach life.

7 Things People Learn Too Late In

Up Next

Anger and Emotions: What’s Really Setting Us Off?

Anger and Emotion Whats Really Setting Us Off

Ever wonder what’s really fueling your anger and emotions? Discover how a mindful approach can help you regain inner peace in your life!

Taking a mindful approach to exploring why we are angry.

Key points

Anger is a secondary emotion.

Anger is a warning sign that lets us know there is an issue to address.

Knowing what we are feeling will help us to address the source of our anger.

Anger can hit us when we least expect it. There are some people who get angry and not know what they are angry about. The

Up Next

How I Hacked My Personality: Steps To Be The Better Version Of Myself

How I Hacked My Personality

Can we truly reshape our personalities for lasting change? Discover Dr. Shannon Sauer-Zavala’s article “How I hacked my personality” and learn how small shifts in mindset and behavior can lead to meaningful transformation in your life.

A Personal Perspective: Science-backed strategies for intentional trait change.

Key points

Research suggests that personality changes over time.

We can speed up personality change by taking intentional action.

Changes that are reinforced by the environment are easier to maintain.

Up Next

Women Empowerment: The Rebecca Effect in “Ted Lasso”

Rebecca Effect In Ted Lasso Women Empowerment

Can women turn negative experiences into empowerment? Discover the “Rebecca Effect” from Ted Lasso and transform your personal trials into powerful self-acceptance!

Personal Perspective: Empowering women to transform shame and betrayal.

Key points

“Ted Lasso” inspired with imperfect, endearing characters whose trials and transformations mirrored our own.

The “Rebecca Effect” is the empowerment and transformation possible when we have been oppressed or shamed.

The “Rebecca Effect” is the process through which women embrace themselves in totality.

Up Next

The Healing Power of Emotional Tears

The Healing Power of Emotional Tears

Ever wondered why we shed emotional tears? Tears serve a healing purpose. Explore how it plays an important role for our well-being.

Emotional tears are an expression of our shared humanity.

Emotional tears, expressed by children, teens, and adults, are a universal experience observed across the globe. Emotional tears play a healing role, leading to our emotional and physical well-being. This post explores the value of emotional tears and the importance of presence and support from family and friends during unexpected

Read More Here: “Why Am I Always On The Verg

Up Next

10 Important Weekly Reflection Questions You Need To Ask Yourself

If you feel stuck and want to keep track of your goals every week, then weekly reflection questions can really help you. Weekly reflection questions can help you check in with yourself and make sure you’re headed in the right direction. These are the questions you need to ask yourself every week to keep growing and moving forward.

Have you ever had a week with so much going on that you end the week feeling overwhelmed and exhausted? I know I have been there. Sometimes, the week goes by so fast that it’s over before I know it, and there is no time left to process it.

A weekly reflection can help evaluate if what you are doing is working. It fosters self-growth. So, pull out that weekly reflection journal and answer the weekly reflection prompts below.

Up Next

Why Is Lying Wrong? Morals Are Not The Only Reason

“I must not tell lies“, this famous line from Harry Potter is more than just a dialogue. Dolores Umbridge, made Harry Potter cut these words as a permanent mark on the back of his hand. But if asked “Why is lying wrong?” The answer is always moralistic, which is subjective.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

We have all received punishment