How A Messed Up Childhood Ruins Your Adult Life

How Messed Up Childhood Affects Adulthood 2

Childhood. The best time of our life. While most people will agree with this statement, some of us may coil in fear the moment our repressed childhood memories start to emerge from their dark trench.

Not every childhood is happy. Some are painted with the darkest shades of abuse and trauma which can keep us trapped in the blackened closet of fear even in our adulthood. 

Childhood is the golden age – a time of joy, innocence, wonder, exploration, optimism, and unconditional love.

A time when we are protected and cared for by our parents and family – and all these experiences build the foundation that allows us to grow up as secure, healthy, and responsible adults.

But what happens when your childhood is messed up? What happens when a child is neglected or overprotected, abused, and abandoned?

Read The Long-Term Effects of Childhood Trauma In Adulthood

Abuse is a fertile ground for sprouting trauma and these adverse childhood experiences can completely ravage our adult lives – from our relationships and career to our mental and physical health.

Studies show that about 43% of children experience at least one trauma, while 15% of girls and 6% of boys develop post-traumatic stress disorder or PTSD. 

Developmental trauma can make us feel disconnected as adults and cause shame, guilt, and multiple psychological issues. 

Do your childhood memories keep you awake at night? Here’s how a chaotic and messed up childhood can affect your adult life.

11 Ways Childhood Trauma Affects Us In Adulthood

1. You may develop mental health disorders

Researchers have observed childhood abuse, neglect, and maltreatment can lead to anxiety disorders, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, aggressive behavior, and suicidality in adults. 

When you have been regularly neglected or abused as a child, you become vulnerable to developing issues with cognition, memory, verbal communication, and concentration. You may also experience chronic stress and panic attacks.

Read 14 Signs A Child Is Struggling With Their Mental Health

2. You may develop attachment issues

Psychoanalyst John Bowlby and psychologist Mary Ainsworth developed the attachment theory to focus on how our thoughts develop as a child based on how our parents treated us.

Sadly, it was found that children who experience abuse and trauma tend to develop insecure attachment styles which can negatively affect their adult relationships.

So as an adult, we may have difficulty forming healthy attachments with our loved ones. Known as reactive attachment disorder or RAD, it can affect our mood, behavior, and our ability to trust others and build close relationships.

3. You may attract toxic relationships

Our relationship and attachment with our parents or primary caregivers greatly contribute to the development of our belief system. The relationship we share with our parents tells us what relationships should look and feel like. 

So when we have toxic and abusive parents, we naturally seek toxic and abusive partners as adults.

While we may repress all our childhood memories, subconsciously, we get romantically attracted to individuals with toxic traits… just like our parents – abusive and emotionally unavailable. 

Toxic partners fit our trauma identity and abusive relationships feel familiar to us, even when we know that such relationships are not healthy for us.

4. You may give in to addictions

People who have been abused as a child have difficulty managing stress and conflict. When we don’t seek help for our issues, we try to self-medicate with substances, alcohol, or even food.

As we desperately try to cope with our past trauma and underlying internal conflicts, we may become addicted and develop substance use disorder. 

Meet Becky – a happy and cheerful little girl who was always criticized by her dad. No matter what she did or achieved as a child, she could never make her dad happy, when all she wanted was for her father to be proud of her. 

As Becky grew up in this dysfunctional, toxic family, it became hard for her to cope with her internal conflicts and difficult emotions. Sadly, she found solace in sugary treats and scrumptious desserts. While these made her feel good, safe and comfortable, soon she became addicted to sugar. It was only after her physical health started to get affected due to her sugar addiction, Becky realized what sort of poison she was consuming. 

5. You may have low self-esteem

If you were ignored, neglected or abused as a child, and no one came to comfort you when you cried for help, then it is likely that you have feelings of low self-worth. 

Your messed up childhood has negatively impacted your self-esteem and now you have a poor sense of self. 

Even as an adult, you are afraid of getting rejected by others and being abandoned by loved ones, which is why you may avoid closeness in relationships or may become needy.

6. You may develop eating disorders

Children who have been emotionally or physically abused are highly likely to develop eating disorders like Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa, and Binge Eating Disorder (BED).

Developing unhealthy eating habits can make you feel like you have some control over your body when your whole life feels out of control. But in the long run, you may start struggling with weight issues – whether it’s being underweight or being obese.

7. You may suffer from chronic illness

Developmental trauma can seep into your body as you grow up and cause severe physical health issues. 

Studies show that past trauma can increase the level of norepinephrine and cortisone in our body and can increase the risk of heart disease, diabetes, specific cancers, autoimmune disorders, and obesity in the long run.

8. You may become a perfectionist

A messed up childhood can make us believe that we are flawed and so as adults, we become perfectionists. But what’s wrong with being perfect? Right? 

Well, what good is perfectionism if it makes you feel anxious and sad, lowers your sense of self-worth, and holds you back from being happy.

People with traumatic childhoods often have unrealistic high standards and pursue self-critical perfectionism, whether taught by their parents or due to their own lack of self-esteem. Studies have found that perfectionism can cause anxiety disorders, depression, eating disorders, and increased suicidality. 

When you seek perfection due to your abusive childhood, it can rob you of happiness, creativity, inspiration, and productivity and instill fear in your heart.

9. You may avoid relationships

Thanks to insecure attachment style and fear of rejection, people with a messed childhood lack the desire and skills to build close relationships.

Negative developmental experiences in childhood make us believe that we are damaged and so no one can love us. We believe we are incapable of healthy communication and relationships, resulting in self-condemnation and feelings of being not good enough. 

So we unconsciously or subconsciously push others away by acting as a threat even though that’s not who we are.

Take Steve for instance. Steve was a bright young boy who got good grades in school and his friends loved hanging out with him. But having a narcissistic mother meant Steve was emotionally abused, neglected, and criticized almost on a daily basis, while his brother was loved and praised every time. He grew up believing he was not good enough.

As an adult, Steve became introverted and mostly kept to himself. While he was a smart, handsome young man, he hesitated to date others, even though a lot of women were interested in him. He believed he was not good enough for anyone and even if he managed to get a girlfriend, they would surely leave him once they got to know him. Thankfully, Steve got the help he needed once he started going for therapy.

10. You may isolate yourself

Do you believe you are better off alone? Researchers have observed that individuals with a history of abuse in childhood tend to have social anxiety and fear which makes them socially withdrawn in their adulthood.

As we avoid closeness with others, we become loners and isolate ourselves. We believe we prefer solitude even though deep down we want to be loved, cared for, accepted, and appreciated.

11. You may avoid self-care

When you struggle internally to cope with the memories of an abusive childhood, your ability to care for yourself becomes impaired.

While self-criticism comes easily, adults with a traumatic past struggle with self-love, self-empathy, and self-compassion. Our childhood trauma makes it difficult for us to accept our own selves. 

Can you identify any of these signs in yourself?

Acknowledging that you are a victim of childhood abuse and accepting yourself with all your flaws is the first step to overcoming your past trauma.

Seeking help and therapy from a mental health professional can help you develop healthy coping skills and build a happier future for yourself.

How else do traumatic memories of a messed up childhood affect our adult lives? Do let us know in the comments.


How Messed Up Childhood Affects Adulthood pin
Messed Up Childhood Affects Adulthood

— Share —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

Divorce And Holidays: 5 Co-Parenting Tips To Help Kids Enjoy Christmas

Helpful Divorce And Holidays Coping Tips For Parents

The festive season is often described as the most wonderful time of the year. However, divorce and holidays can be tricky to navigate for some families, it’s not only challenging for kids but also for their parents.

Children deserve to be in happy and healthy homes, a safe space to enjoy and make memories rather than facing bickering fights and drama.

If you’re co parenting on Christmas, create a holiday season that’s joyful and comforting for your children. Below are five practical divorce and holidays coping tips to help your kids enjoy the festivities, even after a separation or divorce.

Up Next

How To Deal With A Disrespectful Grown Child: 10 Parenting Moves That Work

How To Deal With A Disrespectful Grown Child

It’s one of the toughest pills to swallow: a disrespectful grown child. Whether they’re dismissing your advice, talking back, or just acting like they couldn’t care less about you or your feelings, it hurts. But how to deal with a disrespectful grown child without feeling like you’re losing your mind?

Today, we are going to talk about the signs of a disrespectful grown child and how to deal with one. Spoiler: It’s not about “getting back at them” — it’s about creating change together, so that you can have a healthy relationship with each other, that’s based on mutual respect.

First, let’s start with the signs of a disrespectful grown child.

Related:

Up Next

Give Your Mom A Break: 5 Ways To Pamper Her This National Lazy Mom’s Day

Give Your Mom A Break Ways To Pamper Her

Motherhood is a non-stop role, with no time-outs or scheduled breaks. From managing household chores to balancing work and family life, moms are always on the go. This National Lazy Mom’s Day, it’s time to give mom a break and show her she deserves a day to relax and recharge.

Moms constantly juggle numerous tasks, leading to mental exhaustion and a lack of personal time. Just like anyone else, moms need a break to decompress and regain energy. A day of rest not only refreshes them but also helps them continue being the loving, attentive figures they’ve always been.

Up Next

The Parentified Daughter: 10 Signs Your Childhood Was Burdened With Responsibilities

Parentified Daughter Childhood Was Burdened With Responsibilities

They say girls “mature too fast,” but for some parentified daughters, it’s a reality driven by the heavy responsibilities for their families, well beyond their years. This phenomenon is known as child parentification.

It occurs when a child is burdened with tasks and emotional support roles that should belong to their parents or guardians. When the parentified eldest daughter takes on responsibilities early in life, it can profoundly shape her personality and relationships.

If this sounds all too real, let’s learn the common signs of a parentified daughter, so you can understand the unique challenges and childhood experiences that continue to influence their lives as adults.

Up Next

When Grandparents’ Love Goes Sour: 8 Signs Of Toxic Grandparents And How To Survive Them

Signs Of Toxic Grandparents

Have you ever noticed certain behaviors that make you wonder if your grandparents’ love might be a little… off? Spotting the signs of toxic grandparents can be tough, especially when society paints them as the ultimate source of unconditional love and support.

But sometimes, grandparents might cross boundaries, show favoritism, or create a stressful environment that doesn’t quite feel right. If you’ve ever felt uneasy about their behavior, you’re not alone.

In this article, we’ll dive into the subtle and not-so-subtle signs of toxic grandparents and give you some strategies regarding how to deal with toxic grandparents, without causing family drama.

First, let us try to understand what are toxic grandparents.

Up Next

Unlocking The Pain Of The Past: 10 Signs Of Repressed Childhood Trauma In Adults

Signs Of Repressed Childhood Trauma In Adults 1

Ever find yourself reacting strongly to situations and not quite sure why? Either you hear echoes of your past, or it’s probably because you listen to your inner child. In this article, we’re delving into the signs of repressed childhood trauma in adults – those subtle whispers from your younger self that can shape your present.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Up Next

The Hidden Toll of Childhood Emotional Incest: Identifying Signs and Effects

Signs of Emotional Incest In A Parent Child Relationship 1

Emotional incest confuses parent-child dynamics, creating emotional dependency. Let’s look at the signs and effects of this incomprehensible relationship to gain a better understanding.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Emotional incest has been compared to actual incest because it similarly creates long-lasting effects on psychosocial developme