No more parties to go to, so is January an emotional high point for introverts?
Key points
- The time of year may significantly affect your mood depending on whether you are an introvert or an extravert.
- Holiday time is often a party season, and therefore more social engagement may be required.
- Introverts differ from extraverts in how comfortable they are at social gatherings.
- January may be a better time for introverts compared to extraverts because the party season is at last over.
Read More Here: The Emotional Paradox Of The Holidays
How The Holiday Party Season A Bad Time for Introverts
The end of the Christmas and New Year party season may mean that the emotional tone of early January appears somewhat quiet and downbeat, perhaps in contrast to the previous social whirl of December, and therefore many may well feel correspondingly gloomy right now.
However, it could be that extraverts, the personality type defined by psychologists as more outgoing and sociable, will feel particularly deprived of socializing opportunities at this more subdued time of the year, and maybe it is this character profile who will be feeling most glum around now.
In contrast, introverts are often referred to as the more shy disposition type, who tend to prefer more solitary pastimes, like reading a good book, to going out and partying. They may now be relieved that the recent incessant social pressure to be jolly and make small talk, required of the party season, has now, at last, subsided.
Broadly speaking, psychologists have tended to associate introversion as being the more inherently problematic of the two leanings. For example, introverts may not speak up enough in work meetings and therefore may miss out on promotion, even though they may be just as technically competent, if not more so, than their more dominant extravert colleagues.
Research following the careers of shy children finds that some can outgrow their shyness and end up with better employment trajectories as a result. However, those who remain more persistently socially fearful into adulthood tend not to be as occupationally successful as those who are less avoidant.
Some experts have argued that the rise of social media means extraversion is more favored in modern society; for example, Instagram appears to require incessant image posting, suggesting an outgoing, intense, active lifestyle.
Others have pointed out that the rise of social media has coincided with a real-world drop in interactions, and there has even been an argument that mobile phones have contributed to a decline in social skills, particularly among younger generations.
But perhaps the advent of new technology means that innovative skills are required, particularly better selectivity in social life.
Selectivity as a skill wasn’t so necessary before the plethora of networking opportunities, albeit largely shallow ones, provided by social media.
Precisely because at any one moment social media platforms present opportunities for social interaction all the time, we need to get better at choosing which social opportunities to pursue that will really benefit our well-being. It may even be that the old division between extravert and introvert is now less relevant, and instead a new psychological construct is now required by the digital age, and this is termed “selective sociality.”
The authors of a new study entitled “Avoid and Rule: Selective Sociality Scale for Understanding Introverted Personality in a Digitally Socialized World” argue that in our screen age, excessive engagement with online platforms has contributed to an increase in psychological problems such as loneliness, anxiety, depression, poor sleep, cyberbullying, low body image satisfaction, self-harm, and even suicide.
Yet the antidote may not be the extremes advocated of “digital detox,” where people don’t access the internet at all for prolonged periods of time, as this just isn’t practical.
Instead, the authors of this recent study contend that “selective sociality” becomes the new psychological strategy that is necessary to protect and even enhance mental health through intentional social engagement and mindful digital interaction.
In other words, it is not social media use that is the issue; it is how people engage with it that becomes the new focus.
The authors argue that we now seek personal validation largely through online platforms, leading to an overvaluation of social media approval through likes and followers, while exposure to idealized portrayals of others’ lives fuels unrealistic expectations and harmful comparisons.
They propose an alternative approach to basic survival in modern life—selective sociality, which is a psychological skill that enables individuals to consciously approach or avoid certain people, situations, or content.
Emphasizing selective social engagement involves carefully choosing social encounters and activities. This then prevents the unnecessary stress, social fatigue, and emotional exhaustion often associated with excessive or superficial interactions. Selective sociality minimizes exposure to toxic influences and avoids mindless scrolling or online conflicts.
Maybe largely meaningless “small talk” for many hours at vacuous parties is just as bad for you as pointless screen browsing.
This leads to a re-focus on meaningful real-life relationships and activities that will better assist genuine emotional well-being.
Instead of engaging in unproductive internet use, selective sociality encourages purposeful online activities, such as education, professional development, and maintaining close relationships.
It advocates prioritizing quality over quantity in social interactions, enabling individuals to build a strong, supportive network while conserving emotional energy.
Read More Here: Dear Introvert, A Christmas Letter For You
Given this is a time of New Year’s resolutions and reflection on the past year with a view to a better next one, “selecting sociality” would propose that you consider how selective you were over the festive season. Did you say yes to too many socializing opportunities that ended up leaving you feeling worse than when you first entered the party?
A useful review might be to consider which type of socializing worked for you and which kind didn’t. One of the paradoxes behind shyness or introversion is a tendency to try too hard to be liked or to perform socially, and so, in the end, inadvertently create a worse impression than if you had been more circumspect and even thoughtfully silent.
The truly confident person can feel comfortable not being the life and soul of the party.
For more insights visit – Youtube Channel: https://youtube.com/@drrajendra1963?si=StAKHGZKhVAZ4l5f
TEDTalk: https://youtu.be/3E46oWB4V0s?si=H8PudQh4w6fzgRF3
References
Schmidt, L.A., Tang, A., Day, K.L. et al. Personality Development Within a Generational Context: Life Course Outcomes of Shy Children. Child Psychiatry Hum Dev 48, 632–641 (2017). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10578-016-0691-y
Cohort differences in personality December 2017 DOI:10.1016/B978-0-12-804674-6.00031-4 In book: Personality Development Across the Lifespan (pp.519-536) Authors: Gizem Hülür University of Bamberg
Twenge, J.M. (2025). Technology and cultural change. In D. T. Gilbert, S. T. Fiske, E. J. Finkel, & W. B. Mendes (Eds.), The handbook of social psychology (6th ed.). Situational Press. https://doi.org/10.70400/BZNV4498
Husain, W., Ammar, A., Trabelsi, K., AlSaleh, A., & Jahrami, H. (2025). Avoid and Rule: Selective Sociality Scale for Understanding Introverted Personality in a Digitally Socialized World. European Journal of Investigation in Health, Psychology and Education, 15(6), 114. https://doi.org/10.3390/ejihpe15060114
Ulvi, O., Karamehic-Muratovic, A., Baghbanzadeh, M., Bashir, A., Smith, J., & Haque, U. (2022). Social media use and mental health: A global analysis. Epidemiologia, 3(1), 11–25.
Sadagheyani, H. E., & Tatari, F. (2021). Investigating the role of social media on mental health. Mental Health and Social Inclusion, 25(1), 41–51.
Written by Raj Persaud, M.D. and Peter Bruggen, M.D.
Originally appeared on Psychology Today
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