Category: Marriage

Marriage Spiritual
Finding true love requires destiny and fate but sometimes, your cosmic partner has been decided for you in the spiritual realm. Here’s everything you need to know about cosmic marriages and why most marriages fail.

What Is A Cosmic Marriage And Why So Many Traditional Marriages Fail?

Your true partner has already been decided; it is set above. It is already a commitment, without even knowing, it is an event set to happen by you.

The cosmos knows. Your soul knows. Your gut instinct knows. You have been partners many lifetimes before. There is nothing ‘ new’, it feels like you have been married a hundred times before. The other person knows what to say or not say, to evolve the process.

You will always come back to each other or stick together in some way because of the enormous magnetic pull to each other. As they say in the movie Avatar ‘ I see you’. Those words are more than ‘I love you’.

The words have many more dimensions behind it. ‘I see your soul.’

I love your soul, with all aspects that go with it. Everything. The whole package. – This is the ‘I see you’.

Many people do not find it appealing anymore, to marry the traditional ways. We say vows we do not feel in the heart, sign a ‘contract’ for an institute and spend a lot of money on a sacred ceremony that transcends the need for material.

Relationships Of The Past – Spiritual Marriage

There are a time and place for everything. You cannot change someone’s feelings, and you cannot ‘ make it work’ when it has already been broken and the other person is not fighting for love. It takes two to Tango, It is a lover’s dance…

Someone who does not want to be in their power (commitment to themselves) will never be able to commit to you.

On the road of your past relationships and affairs, you learned who you are, what you need to shine, bloom, blossom and stay strong in a world, that has so many challenges.

You learned about your personality and your ego-aspects. You learned how to be a strong person, and how to make a future partner a powerful and strong person by the vibration you are able to send in a connection based on Truth. That is how you love in a way that makes the other person stronger, not weaker.

Read How To Choose A Life Partner Wisely

Your Twin Flame Cosmic Marriage – Meeting Your Reflection

When you find someone, who is true to their own soul, who has taken all the time, to find out their own pains, heals themself, and created the strength to get out of it… They are able to commit to you.

They need to be true to their ESSENCE. And that takes wisdom, soul searching, falling down and standing up. When you are committed to yourself, because you have seen both the darkest and the lightest places, you are able to ‘ see’ your reflection in someone else.

When you feel a partner is living from the heart and loves themselves, you will not have a fear-based relationship.

For instance, your partner can be in a room with twenty beautiful other people or they can travel the world without you. You can let him have thousands of friends and you just have ‘ peace and trust’ because you know the commitment is from the heart.

It is a divine connection. You both have rest/stillness and calm, NOT a fear-based relation. You can have your own travel, your own path, and yet…. You know the path of your loved one, is right next to yours. You can sit back, and breathe. When you have peace and rest with a partner, it is, because you feel you can trust this person. And you know you can trust yourself.

Read 7 Things You Can Do Make Your Partner Realize Your Value

Marriage Without A Divine Connection With Someone

So many traditional marriages ‘ break’ because it is not a relationship based on a heart connection. It is not based on a true soul-travel. It is based on outside factors like social standards. Things like money, safety, and a longing for someone to make you feel whole are some are the main reasons we rush to get married.

It’s an act of proving that you love someone, that you’re really committed when isn’t just loving them enough? Why do we need to prove that our love is real? It should be obvious to all who look.

Most people struggle with the idea of self-love and how it is to feel safe inside themselves. When you are able to give yourself attention, feed yourself with soul-food, love, and fulfillment: You do not need to find love externally. It is always existing inside you already.

Read 8 Warning Signs You Are Stuck In A Loveless Marriage

Darkness Dissolves In The Light Of Love

The energy of the heart is so strong, much more powerful than the power of the mind. We don’t give it the credit it truly deserves.

In a cosmic marriage, all the ‘ unseen’ and dark places hidden deep in the heart will appear in the light of love. Darkness will always peak in the heights of ‘ being in love’. Love is the highest vibration. Darkness is a much lower vibration.

If someone loves you truly, all the unseen aspects will come up for they are showing you what you can change. Just breathe, walk, sing, dance, cry, and let it be ‘ there’. Do not judge your fears and insecurities.

When we can genuinely say ‘ Thank you’, and ‘I see you’, we create real transformation within us. Do not think your lover is the cause of this pain. See it differently. Your lover is only picking up the mirror and wants to heal you by showing you all the aspects of yourself. Sometimes we don’t want to look, but that is the only way to grow.

Read 5 Ways You Can Restore Your Faith In True Love Again
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Originally appeared on EnlighteningMedia.nl
Copyright @Leda De Zwaan
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Marriage Romantic Relationship

With divorce rates rising up and watching couples break up, are you wondering what do couples fight about?

Do you know Angelina Jolie?

She’s that beautiful actor who adopts Asian babies and married the world’s most gorgeous man. They even had their own movie, Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

Well, I’ve never met her. She sounds like a deadly assassin with a secret identity.
But I do know Christina.

When they first met, he was something different. Mesmerizing. Passionate. But now there is a huge space between them, and it keeps getting bigger.

She’s frustrated and lonely. He is angry and focuses all of his energy on work.
Yesterday they were trying to pick a place to grab dinner. Here’s what happened:
Christina starts. “I’m hungry. Let’s grab dinner.”

“Sounds good to me. What do you feel like eating?” Brad asks.

“I don’t know, you?” replies Christina.

“I feel like pizza. Let’s do that,” he says licking his lips.

“I don’t want pizza,” she complains.

“Okay, what do you want then?” Brad asks again, this time with a tone of frustration.

“I don’t know,” she says with a puzzled look on her face.

“What about seafood?” Brad suggests, desperately wanting to make a decision.

“No. That doesn’t sound good to me,” Christina responds.

“You always put down every idea I make.” Brad storms out of the room.

Christina starts crying. She feels lonely again.

How has something so small turned into something so big? What are they really fighting about?

According to the Einstein of Love, Dr. John Gottman, the #1 thing couples fight about is nothing:

Christina and Brad remind me of the movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith. They love each other, but over time their disconnection pushes them apart. Next thing you know they are shooting bullets at each other and their love has turned lethal.

what do couples fight about?

Sometimes relationships feel like we are emotionally shooting each other over the simplest things. Things can blow up over which show to watch on Netflix, where to go to dinner, or which part of the house needs cleaning first.

Watch out what World-renowned relationship expert John Gottman says about the science of love

Meaningless Fights Can Make Or Break Trust

Rarely do couples ever sit down, create an agenda, and argue over a specific topic such as finances. Sometimes they do, but typically they hurt each other’s feelings in seemingly meaningless moments that appear to be about absolutely nothing.

What matters is not the fight itself. What matters is how partners respond to negative emotions in the relationship. If couples see the conflict as an opportunity for growth, they can attune to each other and increase their understanding of one another, deepening their trust in each other and in the relationship.

If partners dismiss the negative emotions in these situations, they may eventually reconnect with one another, but trust will erode a little. Over time, small and meaningless incidents will compound until partners are left feeling hurt, sad, and alone.

Are you trying too hard for long relationships? You may like to read this letter – To The Girl Who Tried A Little Too Hard For The Wrong Relationships

Instead of reaching out for each other’s hand, you begin pointing fingers and crossing arms. Instead of talking all night, you feel like you’re walking on eggshells. You feel like you’re too scared to speak about how you feel in fear of starting another fight.

Maybe it’s been so long since you connected with each other that you feel like cellmates instead of soulmates. Am I right?

Why Relationships Fail?

Negative events will always happen in relationships, but that isn’t what turns us into cellmates. Relationships fail when the Story of Us is focused on the problems partners create, not the love partners offer.

Practically every moment of your life is narrated by a voice in your head. That voice is either going to remind you how amazing your partner is or how terrible they are to you. Those stories are then rehearsed repeatedly in your mind. If your story is focused on the negative, you slowly disconnect, sometimes without even realizing it.

It’s like a stone in your shoe. Over time, it becomes so irritating that you take off your shoe and throw the rock as far away as possible. If we constantly have a narrator telling us how negative our relationship makes us feel, then we start to see our partner as selfish. We stop believing our partner has our best interests at heart. Our potential for disconnection and betrayal increases over time.

The lovey-dovey feelings we once had are replaced with loneliness, frustration, and anger. Each small incident only increases the potential for betrayal or breakup.

There is a point in our relationships when the negative story takes over and dominates all positive stories of our lover. Dr. Gottman calls this being in the “negative perspective.” Even if our partner does something nice for us, it is still a selfish person doing something nice. A person we can’t trust.

Do you think that you can never love too much? Then know about Codependent “Caretakers”

Fights Are Inevitable In Relationships

Incidents like Christina’s and Brad’s are inevitable in all relationships. According to Dr. Gottman, both partners in a relationship are emotionally available only 9% of the time. This leaves 91% of our relationship ripe for miscommunication.

While many see conflict in a relationship as a sign of incompatibility, it should be seen as a sign that the relationship needs growth to occur.

The feeling of disconnection from your partner can be used to find new horizons of communicating. Your sexless marriage can cause you to take a deep look at your integrity. It can teach you how to embody your deepest desires and how to truly want your partner and experience life-changing intimacy.

Typical conflicts are merely a reminder that a relationship is two different people working together to understand differences and love each other despite flaws.

What Makes Love Last?

When conflict occurs in a relationship, partners need to come together to understand each other better. The negative event is processed, and since partners work with each other, their minds focus on the positives of the relationship. The negative events are forgotten.

Trust is built when we are reminded that our partner is there for us. They reach out for us or grab our hand when we reach out for them. We realize our needs matter to our partner. We forget the details about our hurt, and the negative event in the relationship slips from our mind.

Are you feeling overwhelmed because she chooses someone else? Then you may like to read You Will Regret Losing The Girl Who Tried Too Hard To Keep You

Now when our partner is thoughtless, emotionally distant, or mean to us, the story we tell ourselves is that they are “stressed.” We trust them, so we repair the incident and reconnect with one another. Laughter and affection fill our disagreements because we know that this event will be resolved and our relationship will be better because of it.

So when a negative event happens in your relationship, don’t be like Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Don’t shoot each other’s hearts over nothing but misunderstanding. Use the event to build trust, to deepen your relationship, and to make it the best damn love story you’ve ever seen.

This article was originally published on The Gottman Relationship Blog.

If you want tools to stop fighting so you can achieve greater levels of intimacy in your relationship then click here.

What do couples fight about? comment and let us know your thoughts!
Marriage

Do you know some of the crucial things you should let go of if you are looking to have a happy and stable marriage with your spouse?

Marriage is a beautiful thing, and if you manage to navigate through all the good times and the bad times, then it can be one of the most rewarding experiences of your life. However, you need to forego a few things to ensure that you have a happy marriage.

Here are 15 Things You Should Let Go For A Happy Marriage

1. Stop having unrealistic expectations.

One of the very first things you should give up to have a happy marriage is unrealistic expectations. Unrealistic expectations are one of the many reasons when it comes to failed marriages. If you think that your marriage is going to be a fairy tale that they show in movies, then you will be in for a lot of disappointment. Everything is not going to fall into place magically, both of you will have to put it there.

If you want to have happiness, passion, intimacy, companionship, and trust in your marriage, you have to add it. Marriage takes a lot of work, and that means you will have to put in some effort into it every day. Unless you and your spouse work towards making things smooth and harmonious, nothing else can.

Are expectations threatening to ruin your marriage? Read Unmet Expectations: 5 Ways It Is Ruining Your Relationship

2. Never try to control your partner.

When you decide to get married, you promise to love your spouse forever. So, why try to control them? People are made to be loved, not controlled. If you control your spouse too much, it will create a lot of bitterness and resentment in them about you.

Instead of trying to control them and mold them into who you want them to be, simply accept them for who they are. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for your spouse is to make them feel that they are perfect the way they are.

3. Over-possessiveness is never good.

A little bit of possessiveness towards your spouse can be a sweet thing. It means that you are scared of losing them. But there is a difference between being possessive and obsessive possessive.

No matter how long you two have been together and no matter if you are married and have 10 children together or not, don’t think that you possess your spouse. They are not your property. Make sure that your partner has some room to breathe, and trust them. This will also make your spouse love you more, and appreciate your value in their lives.

4. Don’t be overly critical.

Nobody likes excessive criticism, and that includes your spouse too. Give up the need to criticize every little thing your partner does or doesn’t do, and instead start appreciating those many things that made you fall in love with this person in the first place.

Yes, you might not like everything your spouse does, and that is okay. But, criticizing them for every little thing is not the way to go. Keep in mind that you attract more bees with honey than you do with vinegar.

5. Don’t try to fix your partner.

Marriage is not about fixing your spouse, it is about loving, caring and supporting one another. If you are constantly trying to fix or change your partner, you will end up turning into a control freak.

It is not your responsibility to fix or save your spouse. They are grownups at the end of the day. Instead of trying to fix your spouse focus on growing, improving and evolving together instead. This will help you go a long way in ensuring that your marriage lasts.

Do you accept your spouse as they are? Read Unconditional Love: It’s About Accepting Your Partner The Way They Are never trying to change them

6. Jealousy is a strict no-no.

Jealousy is something that never fares well in a marriage, and rightly so. It is an extremely negative emotion that has the potential to even destroy the strongest of marriages. If you give in to your insecurity and jealousy every time, you will be doing irreparable damage to your marriage.

Instead of feeling jealous, talk openly to your spouse about the things that bother you. Talk it out and try to solve it together. If you don’t like that female colleague, then tell him. Hear what he has to say about it. Transparency will always help you in building a strong marriage.

7. Your fear shouldn’t rule over you.

If you are constantly scared of cheating on one another, or falling out of love or having your present relationship become as toxic and so on, then when are you going to enjoy the good things that come with marriage?

Do not let your fears take away your chance of having an amazing marriage. Yes, the future is unpredictable but that does not mean you will ruin your present by constantly being scared of it. If something does go wrong, both you and your spouse will work together and resolve it.

8. Stop chasing perfection.

What screws us up the most is this idea we have in our heads about how relationships should be like and how our partners should behave. No human being is perfect, so why are you expecting your spouse to be so?

Instead of praising, loving and appreciating each other and nurturing your marriage, you end up wasting your precious time and energy seeking perfection, in yourself and your spouse. There’s no such thing as a perfect marriage, simply because there’s no such thing as perfect people. Both you and your spouse are imperfect, and that is what makes you perfect for each other.

9. Give up on playing the blame game.

Even though this might sound harsh, it is not your spouse’s responsibility to make you feel all the feelings that you don’t. It’s not your spouse’s job to make you feel happy, loved and whole when you yourself feel unhappy, unworthy and incomplete.

Stop blaming your partner for every little thing that goes wrong in your life, and start being accountable for your own mistakes. Don’t think of him as your teacher, parent, and therapist, who will leave everything and spend all his time solving your problems. He has his own life to live too.

10. Stop fighting all the time.

Remember the initial days when both of you started dating each other? Remember how beautifully and nicely you spoke to one another? Back then you didn’t care whether you were right all the time or not. You never let your ego come between you both, and always tried to solve your problems with love and understanding.

So why change now? Give up the need to always be right and choose to be kind, loving and supportive instead. Fighting constantly won’t save your marriage, only love and support will.

Are you fighting too much with your spouse? Read 10 Dumb Relationship Issues To Stop Fighting About For A Happy Marriage

11. Never live your life according to your spouse.

It’s true that relationships require compromise but when you compromise too often, but if you start living your life according to your spouse’s expectations, you risk losing yourself in the process.

This leads to you feeling frustrated, depleted, bitter and extremely unhappy. Compromise when needed but not so much that you lose your sense of self. Balance is key, and there is room for both your and partner’s needs in your marriage.

12. Don’t be too clingy.

There is a thin line between being romantic and being clingy. Expecting your partner to always spend time with you, and constantly focus on what you need, is unhealthy. Wanting to spend some quality time with your partner is absolutely normal, but pressuring him to always be with you is not.

Take the “pressure” off of your partner’s shoulders and put it on your shoulders instead. Seek to become the provider of your own physical, emotional and spiritual needs. Be the reason for your own happiness.

13. Never ask for more, when you are not doing the same.

If you believe that your marriage will give you way more than what you are giving to it, then you are in for a massive shock. Expecting your spouse to give you everything you want, but you not doing the same might potentially lead to a divorce.

Work towards making your marriage an equal one, where both of you are investing equally in it.

14. Get rid of your emotional baggage

The past is in the past, and no matter how much you obsess over it, it can’t be changed. It is unfair for you to hold on to the emotional baggage from your past, and expect your spouse to magically get rid of it.

Only you can move on from your past, and deal with your emotional baggage; no one else can. So, instead of piling it all up on your spouse and expecting him to understand everything, fix it yourself.

Does your past still affect you and your marriage? Read How To Find Happiness By Living In The Present Moment

15. Focus on love, not attachment

There is a huge difference between love and attachment. Attachment comes from a place of fear, whereas love is kind, pure and selfless.

Love is a healthy emotion that is ready to detach itself and let go of the relationship when it becomes toxic for both the people. Attachment, on the other hand, loves to hold onto toxicity, constantly feeding on the suffering and pain of people.

Marriage can sometimes be a tough thing to deal with, but if you have a lot of understanding and love between you and your spouse, you will be able to deal with all the obstacles that might come your way. As long as you try to give up on the things mentioned above, be rest assured that you will have a happy marriage.

If you want to know more about the things that you should give up to have a happy marriage, then check out this video below:
Marriage Self Love
Single vs married is always a hot topic to debate. A lot of people claim that marriage is a source of all happiness and many believe in the “live happily ever after” slogan from fairy tales. But, if you are contemplating – Is being single better than being married, then this post is an eye opener.

Does being married help you live a long, happy life?

No, according to Bella DePaulo!

Bella DePaulo, social psychologist and professor at the University of California, Santa Barbara, wanted to challenge this “conventional wisdom” and told the same to the American Psychological Association’s annual convention in Denver.

People who are single “live their best, most authentic and most meaningful life” the psychologist claimed based on her years of research. Professor DePaulo said to the convention that she is “single, always have been and always will be”. There is an increasing number of people who choose to stay single, for they believe that “happily married” is a myth. She also validates her claims with facts and explains why Is being single better than being married.

Related: Being Single: 20 Important Lessons I Learned From Being Alone

Why Is being single better than being married?

Bella DePaulo started to investigate the results of being single vs married and came across 800 different studies (that mentioned single people) conducted in the last three decades. Some of the study results based on comparing people who stayed single with those who married showed that –
- Single people demonstrated a higher level of self-determination than their married counterparts.
- People who stayed single were found highly likely to experience continued growth and development in life.
In another study published in NCBI, comprising people who stayed single lifelong, such people –
- Were found to value and engage in meaningful work.
- Were more self-sufficient than married people
- Were less likely to experience negative behaviors or emotions
But, in the case of married people, it was just the opposite. The above data validates that singles too can live a long, happy, healthy life. Scroll down to know the reasons why being single is better than being married.

Related: Why Empaths Prefer To Stay Single and Not in Relationships

Single Vs Married: What’s the latest trend?

Now coming to statistics, as per Office for National Statistics figures:
- Before 2002, UK had 16.2 million single people compared to 23.7 million married people.
- In 2002, there were 12.5 million single people compared to 23 million married ones
As per the reports released in 2019:
- The number of people aged 16 years and above and married living in England and Wales has decreased in 2018 to 50.5%.
- The number of people aged 16 years and above who are single and never married has increased by 35.0% in 2018.
- The population of the same age group who live with a partner but never married has increased from 1.3 million people since 2008 to a total of 5.0 million in 2018.
- The number of married people who are under the age of 70 years has decreased but those above 70 years and above and married have increased from 50.3% in 2008 to 55.8% in 2018.
The situation is the same in the United States, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS).
- In 2014, more than 50% of Americans over age 16, were single.
- Whereas in 1976, only 37.4% of the population was unmarried.
Coming back to the question – “Is being single better?”, professor DePaulo’s research reveal that there is an increasing number of people who are single and never married, not only in the UK but in different parts of the world. Yet, people rarely acknowledge the growing popularity of “unmarried life”.

Related: 109-Year-Old Woman Says Secret To A Long Life Is Avoiding Men

Research says you can be single and happy!!!

She said an increasing number of people are willingly single and it is the choice they have made consciously. And that is expressed by constructing their self-identity and accepting their new way of life. Those willingly single know how to be happy even without the knight in shining armour. Not all single people are depressed or frustrated or lonely.

Related: Powerful New Year’s Resolutions Every Single Woman Should Make

According to a study published in Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, when compared to married people, single people are more connected to parents, friends, neighbors, and coworkers. Because when people get married, they become more insular. The surprising study findings explain why is being single better than being in a relationship. In short, being single beats being married

Why people can’t accept that being single beats married life?

The problem with the world is that they focus on the loneliness and other negativities associated with not getting married. But what about the beauty and benefit of solitude that most people enjoy being single? How can one ignore that?

Please know that married people are supported by the “relentless celebration of marriage and coupling and weddings that I call matrimania” professor DePaulo said. N doubt, getting married gives you a plethora of benefits in terms of laws, legal and financial protections, and federal benefits. Aside of that cultural advantages too.

But, single people are doing as well as the married people are!

The world is in need of an accurate portrayal of the lives of people who stayed single and never married. And need honest revealations about single people – how they are strong, independent, and mentally resilient and live a meaningful life without getting married. There is a need for more research on never married single people to highlight the reasons why being single is better than being married.

Read about the science-backed benefits of being single here

However, in this so called modern society,
- Singlism is considered a crime.
- Unmarried, single people are marginalized, stigmatized, and tortured with various stereotypes and discrimination.
- Decades after decades single people are been brainwashed with words – “get married, get happier and healthier”.
Closely looking at the vast literature available today about single vs married people, it doesn’t validate this age prevailing idea of “happily married”. According to National Statistics Domestic Violence (NCADV), in a year, more than 10 million women and men are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States.

Social media and movies like “Fifty Shades of Grey” or “Suicide Squad” glorify toxic relationships as true love. Such relationships are far from perfect, but netigens get a wrong idea of what a healthy, meaningful relationship or marriage looks like.

Related: 5 Ways Social Media Can Kill A Relationship Before It Even Begins

No wonder why there is an increase in divorce rates and decrease in marriage rates in different parts of the world.These stats also validate why is being single better than bad relationship.

Now it’s time to ponder:
- Aren’t these so-called, well-established married people (with or without toxic partners) craving for their single life again?
- Why is there a growing number of people coming back to the point where they were when they were single?
- Why sayings like “being single better than bad relationship” or “being single is better than being married” are trending on social media?
It means all this long what we believed to be true about marriage and happy endings is actually False.

Related: Why It’s Better To Stay Single Than In A Toxic Relationship

Being single beats being married

I hope that the above discussion clears why is being single better than being married. But, I don’t mean to say that everyone must stay single forever and never get married! I am myself a single woman and never got married. I want you to know that satisfaction or happiness doesn’t come only from romantic relationships. I believe that the key to healthy, happy and long life is to have genuine attachment relationships and a bulk of literature validates the same.

Professor DePaulo also said that with increasing research in this field, scholars are also learning the “ risks of putting too much relationship capital into The One, and the psychological benefits of investing in The Ones.”

It can’t be said with a guarantee that one relationship status is better than the other. Everyone is unique and there is no blueprint for a good life. In Professor DePaulo’s words, one must pursue what is best for them be it place, spouse, relationships, or people who are compatible with who you really are and allow you to live your best lives.

No I would like to ask you – Is being single better than being married? What do you think? Leave a comment below!
Dating Marriage Romantic Relationship

It’s not easy to find love. So, it’s natural to hold someone down when you want them around for a long haul. Here are 11 signs he’s the man you should marry. He’s the guy you share an instant connection with, the guy you want your family to meet.

Do you want to learn more about him? Let’s read below and find out if your partner has the qualities of a man you should marry.

11 Signs He Is The Man You Should Marry

1. He inspires you

A good man is already inspirational in his deeds and words. His strong morale and character are an inspiration. Still, he never loses an opportunity to evoke inspiration in you. He inspires you to be yourself and to bring out the best in you.

2. He makes you feel beautiful

There may be many who say you’re beautiful but none will make you feel it like he does. A good man makes you feel beautiful inside and out with not just his words but his actions, the way he interacts with you physically and mentally.

3. He makes you feel safe and secure

A good man is always there to stand up and defend his woman in an unfortunate situation. The feeling of safety and security is vital for a woman in a relationship. It is the man’s duty to make sure you feel safe.

4. He seeks constant improvement

A good man is never content. I mean he always works to better himself. Be it learning a new skill, building his body or any other aspect of his life. He is constantly seeking ways to better himself.

5. He is honest

This is the most important attribute of any man. A good man never lies, cheats, or betrays anyone, especially their loved ones. Neither do they hold back from saying things as it is, whether good or bad? They don’t fabricate things.

6. He is never abusive

A good man is never abusive towards you or anyone else. A good man will never abuse his partner physically, emotionally, or mentally. Even when it comes to dealing with external problems, he will do it with his intellect and strength instead of becoming abusive.

Read Recognizing The Signs Of Emotional Abuse

7. He is supportive

A good man always has your back. It doesn’t mean he will be your ‘yes man’ but he knows the importance of being supportive and will be there when the situation calls for it.

8. He does the little things

It’s not the expensive gifts that make a woman feel loved but the little things that a man does and a good man knows this well. Opening doors, appreciating the new makeover, or just feeding the kids, a good man is never too busy to acknowledge it with a gesture

9. You’re his top priority

It doesn’t mean he will forget everything else and appease your every whim. It means he will be selfless in his deeds and he will put you first. It’s a man’s duty to put his woman first. A good man does this more often than not.

Related: 4 Things To Remember When He Treats You Like An Option

10. He stands by you

It’s the duty of a man to stand by you and a good man, no matter what the situation, will stand by you. He will never ignore you. When a good man is committed to you, there is no in-between. He will be there through thick and thin.

11. He trusts you and works to keep yours

Trust cannot be forced or bought but earned, a good man works to earn your trust and once he does he works to keep it. He never leaves his trust in doubt. If you have earned his trust, there is nothing that can shake it unless you create such a situation.
Love Marriage Romantic Relationship

Forget About Feelings, REAL LOVE Is A Deliberate Choice

My wife and I have known each other since high school but didn’t date until much later. We had only dated a couple of weeks before we realized that we were madly in love and wanted to get married.

I was all for it! I even suggested a spontaneous, immediate wedding in Vegas. (Seriously.) Kim, however, was a bit more practical about the whole thing. She wanted to take time to plan it all out.

I felt deflated. “We’re so different,” I said. “You like to plan, while I like to be spontaneous.”

Kim’s eyes widened. “I can be spontaneous!” she said, hurriedly. “I can totally be spontaneous. You just have to tell me in advance when you want to be spontaneous, and I will write it down in my planner…”

I gave her a strange look. She was totally serious! Clearly, Kim did not understand the meaning of spontaneity.

Funny as it may seem, the more I think about this conversation the more I’ve come to realize that planning to love someone—or choosing to love someone—is actually one of the most beautiful things about love.

I’ve heard it said that real love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person.

It’s true.

When all the butterflies have fluttered away and your wedding day becomes a distant memory, you will discover that you’ve married someone who is just as imperfect as you. And they, in turn, will come to learn that you have problems, insecurities, struggles, quirks—and body odor—just as real as theirs!

Read : 4 Driving Forces Behind Commitment Phobia

Then you will realize that real love isn’t just a euphoric, spontaneous feeling—it’s a deliberate choice—a plan to love each other for better and worse, for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health.

Of course, you don’t choose who you’re attracted to, but you definitely choose who you fall in love with and (more importantly) who you stay in love with.

Our society places a lot of emphasis on feelings. We are taught that we should always follow our feelings and do whatever makes us happy. But feelings are very fickle and fleeting. Real love, on the other hand, is like the north star in the storms of life; it is constant, sure, and true. Whenever we’re lost and confused we can find strength in the love that we have chosen.

Besides, life already offers us plenty of spontaneity: rejection, job loss, heartache, disappointment, despair, illness, and a host of other problems. We simply can’t abandon ship every time we encounter a storm in our marriage. Real love is about weathering the storms of life together.

When my grandma was in her fifties, she was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, a degenerative disease that disrupts the body’s ability to communicate with its nervous system. Within a few short years, Grandma had lost the ability to walk and was confined to a wheelchair. Grandpa, who was then the chief of police, retired two years earlier than planned in order to take care of Grandma. He helped her do everything—from getting around the house and visiting the doctor, to helping her take her medicine and bathe.

In speaking about my grandma, Grandpa once told my mom, “It hurts me to see her like this. You know, when I got married I thought that everything would be smooth sailing. I never imagined that I would have to help her change her catheter every day. But I do it and I don’t mind it—because I love her.”

Love is so much more than some random, euphoric feeling. And real love isn’t always fluffy, cute, and cuddly. More often than not, real love has its sleeves rolled up, dirt and grime smeared on its arms, and sweat dripping down its forehead. Real love asks us to do hard things—to forgive one another, to support each other’s dreams, to comfort in times of grief, or to care for a family. Real love isn’t easy—and it’s nothing like the wedding day—but it’s far more meaningful and wonderful.

I recently came across this wonderful quote: “No one falls in love by choice, it is by chance. No one stays in love by chance, it is my work. And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by choice.”

Whenever my wife and I run into a problem in our marriage we do our best to choose love. While we’re certainly not perfect, the love we share today is more real and more wonderful than anything we had ever anticipated.

So, whatever spontaneous storm may come our way I plan on loving my wife.

If you truly love someone (and they truly love you), commit to that love and plan on it being hard work.

But also plan on it being the most rewarding work of your life.

Written by Seth Adam Smith
Originally appeared on SethAdamSmith.com
Interesting Marriage Science
Well, well, well! As per science and research, men who marry smart women tend to live longer! So, what does science really say about men who marry intelligent women? Let’s find out, shall we!

Think of your ideal wife: are brains at the top of your list when you name her best qualities? Perhaps they should be.

Research suggests that having a brainy bride may extend your life and ward off dementia.

Men Who Marry Smart Women Live Longer Says Science

During a talk called Dementia: How Can We Protect Ourselves?, Professor Lawrence Whalley, emeritus professor of mental health in the College of Medicine and Life Sciences at the University of Aberdeen, said: ‘The thing a boy is never told he needs to do if he wants to live a longer life – but what he should do – marries an intelligent woman. There is no better buffer (to dementia) than intelligence.”

Related: Why Men Shouldn’t Fear Strong, Successful And Intelligent Women.

This research study, done by the University of Aberdeen, examined the health of identical twins and found that having an intelligent wife was an important factor in protecting against degenerative disease.

They determined that men who choose to marry smart women live longer and happier lives, and are less likely to suffer from Alzheimer’s disease and dementia.

Past research has found that intellectually challenging games such as crossword puzzles can help to ward off dementia and Alzheimer’s by stimulating the brain, so it would make sense that a wife who engages and challenges her husband’s mental faculties could benefit him in the same way.

Shockingly, some men who were married to these clever women even showed physical signs of dementia in a brain scan but didn’t suffer from any symptoms of the disease. In fact, they were determined to be “highly intelligent“ and fully functional.

Encouraging both men and women to value a female’s brains over her beauty is a tricky business.

This has long been an important feminist issue and one that is well understood by most people. Girls who grow up taking pride in their intelligence are more empowered and independent. Boys who share this mindset have better relationships with women and create a more supportive world for their wives and daughters.

Related: Why Smart Women Have a Harder Time Finding Love

However, this research suggests that a man choosing to value intelligence when choosing his wife may benefit his physical and mental health, as well as society.
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Written By Robyn Reisch
Originally Appeared In I Heart Intelligence
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Marriage Romantic Relationship

When it comes to love and relationships, you must be wondering the type of man you should marry. The answer is simple, marry a man who touches your soul. He is a man worth marrying.

Your hand touching mine. This is how galaxies collide.
– Sanober Khan
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Marry A Man Who Touches Your Soul

Marry a man who is sensible, intimately in love with you, feels you through sensual touches and ignites your body and soul.

Marry the man who feels the fresh warmth of your body, the first thing in the morning, whose fingers entwine with yours during the day, whose lips press ever so lightly on your forehead as he gently removes the strands of hair across your face. Marry the man who sees the first ray of the sunshine on your beaming sleepy face.

Fall for the man who knows crying is not a sign of weakness, that he can at times shatter into pieces; he who knows that it is not bad to be weak and insecure in love, at times.

His vulnerability is what so tenderly sets your soul on fire.

Marry a man who is not afraid to pull you into an embrace when the storm sets in, holding you tight as he lightens the darkness setting in.

Be loved by a man who kisses your imperfections, playfully bites off your softness, and caresses your sharp edges. He is the one who will smoothen out your burning scars with the tender touch of his healing hands.

Marry a man whose protective arms keep you secure and loved. Wherever in the world, you may be, whatever roads you may roam, whatever part of your journey you are on, his touch will bring you home.

A man who is willing to lie beside you on the grass, after a tiresome day, under the sky filled with stars; a man who finds himself drowning in the never-ending depth of the tranquility in your eyes. Be with the man, who finds you in the vortex of his heart.

Explore life with a man who is free-spirited, fearless, carefree, and wild; one who lives without boundaries, rules, and regulations; one who cares about no societal constraints but only cares about things that matter. Marry a man who doesn’t only love and respect you, but respects humanity as a whole; a man compassionate enough.

Someone who is not afraid to break down walls, tear down barriers, and penetrate hard layers to get to your core.

A genuine man, real and raw about his feelings, who is not afraid to get to your messed up core that you so secretively protect.

Marry a man who knows that he is a blend of masculine and feminine and that the process of alchemy mixed to create that gold. Marry someone who has the acceptance of his flaws and virtues, equally well and is willing to explore and improve anything he feels is required.

Fall for a man who exquisitely touches your soul when he takes accountability for his thoughts, words, and actions. The one who at times puts aside his ego, just to see that smile on your face, someone who bathes in your colors.

Marry a man who will never try to tone your brightness, file your sharp edges or dim your light—a man who knows that when you shine, his world shines too. Be touched by a man who is honored to be the one who holds you tight, but knows to be away enough to let that whirlwind sweep you off your feet.

Marry the man who has been thrashed by his painful past, broken into pieces, who needs the broken pieces of you to be complete. Someone who trusts you with his frailty.

The type of man I would marry is one who knows that to touch a woman deeply he needs to witness the depth of her soul. Someone who dances to the tunes of the soul’s music, someone who seduces every inch of your being, without even physically touching you.

A man who loses himself momentarily in the pleasurable sensations that arise in his body when he touches the woman at his side.

Most of all, marry a man who knows how to touch himself first; a man who knows that to love someone else, he first must know how to love himself. A man who knows that his woman is the queen in his life, someone who adds to the fragrance of life. The man worth marrying is a man who sees himself as being one worth marrying, who is willing to give but is also willing to take.

The man whose touch means the most is the man whose touch has the right intention when, how and where he touches you; the touch that sends a shiver down your spine, gives you goosebumps on your nape, turning every sensation in you to run amok – a magnificent man to fall in love with.
Marriage Relationship Romantic Relationship
Do you know there is a science-backed formula that can help couples build long lasting relationships? Yes, the secret behind lasting relationships has been cracked open!

“Till death do us part” is not merely a part of an oath; it’s a sentiment, an emotion that stimulates couples to enter into the bond of holy matrimony with a resolution to stick together till their last breath.

Alas, most of the marriages that begin with this noble sentiment are fated to end in broken promises, resentments, and ultimately in a legal separation or divorce. A study even goes on to claim that in the United States, “nearly half of all marriages end in divorce.”

But divorce is not the only sign of a failed marriage. There are many couples who end up staying in a bitter, unhealthy, and dysfunctional wedlock that is marked by conflicts, aggression, and in worst cases, abuse and violence. Sadly, this rings true for all romantic partners, whether married or not.

Read: Are you being emotionally abused in your relationship? Take this emotional abuse test to find out!

So is there no happily ever after? Are all relationships doomed to become toxic? Or there is a magic formula for long lasting relationships which is known and mastered only by the “chosen ones”, whose nuptial success is both revered and envied by the other less fortunate couples?

The Secret To Long-Lasting Relationships

Ever since colonial times, Americans have considered the sanctity of marriage as the bedrock of a healthy society. But as the number of divorces started rising in the 1970s, social scientists became interested in the topic of a lasting marriage.

They invited couples to participate in their research work and closely observed the partners interact with each other in their labs, with the sole purpose of finding out the secret behind long lasting relationships. What factors cause a marriage to fall apart and what are the rules for long lasting relationships?

One of those researchers was the renowned psychologist John Gottman. He has done extensive work on this topic for the past 4 decades. Along with his wife Julie Gottman, another notable psychologist, he runs the Gottman Institute to help couples build lasting relationships based on scientific research.

And their several years’ worth of studies and findings can be summed up in one statement: the secret to love is just kindness.

Science Says Lasting Relationships Come Down To 2 Basic Traits

According to the Gottmans, lasting relationships rely on two traits:
- Kindness
- Generosity
The secret behind building lasting relationships is so simple yet so complicated. Let’s have a close look at how these 2 traits help to form long lasting relationships.

In his line of work, Gottman observed many romantic partners, both in and out of wedlock, interacting with each other. These couples fall under 2 categories:
- The Disasters
- The Masters
While being interviewed, the “disaster couples” showed clear signs of arousal, which can be interpreted as the physiological reaction to stress or “fight-flight” mode. It means that they were under a lot of stress simply by being next to each other. Criticism, judgment, aggression, and resentments were bred in their relationships.

The electrodes that were hooked up to them read that the “disaster couple” partners had accelerated heart rates, active sweat glands, and fast blood flows, all indicating that they were prepared to attack and to be attacked in their relationship. They were covertly snappy and had no compassion for each other’s follies.

Read: Stress: How It Affects The Mind And Body

On the other hand, the “Masters” ranked lower in the detection of physiological arousal. They were calm and affectionate with each other as if they had mastered the art of sustaining long lasting relationships. They had somehow created an environment of trust and intimacy, which made them physically and emotionally comfortable with one another.

Following up with the research subjects after several years, Gottman found that the “Masters” couple had a much higher rate of successful relationships than that of the “Disasters”.

In his quest to unlock the mystery behind the successful long lasting relationships of the Master couples, Gottman conducted further research and found out some startling truths about long lasting relationships as well as relationships that languish.
- Connection Bids
- Shared Joy
He observed that each partner of a romantic relationship makes connection requests, or “Bids” to the other partner.

“Come, taste the soup”

“Have you seen this news?”

“You must read this book, it’s amazing”

All these statements might appear to be casual conversations, but in reality, these are requests from a partner to take an interest in something they are excited about, to connect, to participate.

Now when such a “bid” is placed, it is up to the other partner whether to “turn toward their partner” or to “turn away”. The Master couples turned toward each other and engaged one another much more than the Disaster couples.

Another factor that strengthens the future of long lasting relationships is shared joy or excitement. When one of the partners shares good news about something that is important to them and the other partner reacts with enthusiasm and excitement, it boosts the morale of the former partner.

Similarly, if a shared joy is greeted with a cold shoulder, it dampens the spirit of the partner who was looking for some appreciation or encouragement.

So Where Do Kindness And Generosity Come Into The Picture?

It is easier to be attentive to your partner or respond affectionately to their “bids” when you are in a good mood or when things are going well. But when you are stressed, tired, or distracted, only kindness toward your partner will make you respond affirmatively.

When you are not in total agreement with a decision your partner makes, only kindness prevents you from raining on their parade.

When you get angry and hurt during a fight, only kindness stops you from snapping and hurting them back.

But oftentimes a partner might try to be supportive or make a loving gesture that gets poorly executed. A husband might have the intention to take his wife out for a romantic dinner but had to cancel due to some urgent task at the office. In such situations, the other partner has to be generous enough to appreciate the intention.

When couples show kindness toward one another, even under stressful circumstances, and chose to be generous enough to overlook each other’s little mistakes, they form long lasting relationships for life.

Read: How To Stop Arguments? 5 Emotional Self-Regulation Skills For Constructive Arguments

How To Build Lasting Relationships?

The main difference between the “Disaster” and the “Masters” is that the former group looks for the mistakes of their partners and holds grievances. These give way to resentments, contempt, and the eventual downfall of the relationship.

While the latter looks for reasons to be grateful for their relationship. They are kind to their partners even when they are under a lot of stress. They also generously acknowledge the good intentions of their partners, overlooking any unintended consequences.

So, flex your kindness and generosity muscles and keep working on these two traits.

Love Is A Verb

A relationship might end due to many reasons, but the secret to forming long lasting relationships lies in two magic ingredients: kindness and generosity, at all times; even when the bills are pouring in, even when work is driving you mad, or even when the kid just won’t stop crying. Therefore, the signs of a long lasting relationship are compassion, shared joy, engagement, forgiveness, and the ability to let go of petty differences.

So how did you like our article on the topic of long lasting relationships? I hope by now you know how to have a long lasting relationship with your partner and what are the things that you need to steer clear of. Do let us know your views by commenting down below.

Read: Why Relationships Fail
Love Marriage Romantic Relationship
The following article asks you not to get swayed by the PDAs you see on your social media home page. Facebook and relationships actually don’t go hand in hand.

As far as I can discern, Facebook is a website you can visit to be frightened and disgusted by your parents’ political views.

It’s like a quarantine zone. All the pollutants of humanity are contained there, so as to protect real-life from the worst kind of people. But we all have to log in. Otherwise, we’d never hear from our family again. If everyone left Facebook today, we’d all realize we each only have, like, four actual friends.

I’m pretty sure the only thing to even do on Facebook is hide Candy Crush requests with a gun in your mouth. So yeah, dipping your relationship into that Internet toxic waste dump isn’t the most rewarding endeavor.

Read: Love And Mental Health

Why Facebook And Relationships Don’t Gel?

The biggest sign of a healthy relationship appears when there’s a lack of social media presence.

There are basically two ways relationships appear on Facebook, and they’re both bad. First, the couples that air dirty laundry.

Plain and simple, it says you don’t care about your partner’s feelings, privacy, and your relationship.

You’re not a team if you’re willing to spar in front of other people like an audience; you’re literally combatants. And that doesn’t even begin to mention all the passive-aggressive posts. “That feeling when SOMEONE forgot to pick up Arby’s on the way home for your birthday — feeling quixotic.”

Yes, I know that roast “beef” equals true love, but maybe address it with your partner? All it says is you’re looking for external validation for your feelings. Do you know what a real couple does when something goes wrong? They talk about it and figure out how to keep from hurting each other’s feelings in the future.

The second way couples appear on Facebook takes the form of “envy our perfect life” over-sharing couples. Don’t be jealous; their Facebook wall is quite literally a façade.

Read: 12 signs someone is extremely jealous of you

It’s like they’re trying to convince themselves by repetition. Shouldn’t a great relationship speak for itself? Or perhaps it’s an unhealthy obsession with their image, rather than the relationship itself.

NFL legend Walter Payton once said, “When you’re good at something, you’ll tell everyone. When you’re great at something, they’ll tell you.”

People notice when you’re in an amazing relationship. It reflects in your life in so many ways. We all want to shout it from the mountaintops now and then, but how creepy would it be to call every one of your friends and family every day and remind them you still love your partner?

That’s what nonstop Facebook posting amounts to.

In short, great relationships are the antithesis of the above couples.

They resolve issues without getting innocent bystanders caught in the crossfire. The person they most want to share the joy of their relationship with is each other, not 400 strangers.

They know that there’s value in secret little moments that no one else gets to know about. They know that showing your love through a third party lessens its sincerity because when you have an audience, everything feels like a performance.

They don’t spend time on Facebook; they spend it with each other.

Read: Social Media and Its Ill Effects On The Modern Romantic Relationships
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Written by Bob Alaburda
This article was originally published by YourTango.com.
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Choose Real Connections Over Facebook Relationships

Now that you know that Facebook and relationships don’t mix well, keep your private moments private and work toward building a solid conjugal life that will not need external validation.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is Facebook bad for my relationship?

Couples who excessively use Facebook tend to get involved in Facebook-related fights which ultimately lead to negative outcomes like cheating or a breakup.

How social media can be toxic for romantic relationships?

Excessive social media use can cause a decline in attention and the quality of time couples spend with each other.

What are the negative effects of Facebook?

Loss of sleep, poor attention, depression, and relationship conflicts are some of the negative effects of Facebook.