5 Reasons Why Poor Boundaries In Relationships Are A Recipe For Disaster

 / 

,

Are you newly married and have you been told that poor boundaries in relationship and marriage can be the recipe for disaster?

Do you want to do whatever you can to keep your special bond intact but do you have no idea what marriage boundaries are or where to start?

Fortunately, I have helped many couples establish and stick to boundaries in their marriage so that things donโ€™t go awry. Let me help you!

To understand healthyย marriage boundaries look at the four walls of your house. Those walls are the structure that holds your life together. ย They hold your food and your bed and your possessions and itโ€™s where you live your life.

Healthy marriage boundaries are the same as those four walls of your house. They are the things that support your marriage as it matures. To have a healthy relationship, one that can grow and be fruitful, it is important that it has structures, boundaries, that support it.

Conversely, poor marriage boundaries can make the wall of your house weak and susceptible to damage and destruction. That you donโ€™t want.

Healthy marriage boundaries come in many shapes, sizes, and colors. Itโ€™s important for each couple to decide what works for them to keep their marriage safe and strong.

ย 

Letโ€™s talk about some boundaries and why your marriage could be damaged if they arenโ€™t set up as soon as possible.ย 

1โ€“ Be true to yourself.

For many people, when they are married, they become less of themselves.

Many people, men, and women take on their spouseโ€™s friendships, their hobbies and their ways of doing things. And losing yourself in another person is a recipe for disaster.

It is VERY important that all peopleย stay when in a relationship.

Why? Because every healthy relationship is based on truth and if you are anything other than your true self your marriage will never be really healthy.

It is also important that you continue to respect yourself and you will respect yourself by being yourself. By continuing to have your friends, to do your own hobbies, to have a career that you love and a healthy lifestyle that serves you, you will wake up every day feeling good about yourself.

And when you feel good about yourself your partner will love you even more because he knows you are being your true self, someone who is ambitious and smart and willing to take risks to get what she wants.

So be yourself in your relationship. Aย healthy marriageย requires it.

ย 

2โ€“ Let go of rigidity.

I have a client whose new husband moved into a house that she already owned. Right away they had issues because it was her house and she wanted to do things her way and that just wasnโ€™t okay with him. So, what did they do? They set up boundaries around how things were done, agreeing that each person could have some autonomy around certain things and that each of them might have the final say in others.

You know the phrase โ€œMy way or the highway?โ€ That phrase has no place in any healthy marriage because there are two people in the relationship and compromise is essential to maintaining balance and satisfaction.

It is important that everyone be flexible in a relationship. Just like you would at work or with your family, it is important to work with your partner so that you can both live a life that is authentic to you.

So, embrace flexibility. Choose the things that are important to you and stay true to them but be willing to see what might be important to your man and work with him so that you both can live a life that makes you happy. Together and apart.

ย 

3โ€“ Maintain mutual respect.

One of the biggest romance killers in a marriage is the lack of respect and contempt. It is important that, from the beginning, you agree to always treat each other well.

The saying โ€˜familiarity breeds contemptโ€™ is an accurate one and something that happens in many marriages over the years.

It is important in every relationship that you each respect each other. Respect each other within the confines of your relationship by speaking to each other honestly, sharing your feelings and needs in an open way. By not attacking each other personally and criticizing each otherโ€™s behaviors and actions.

Furthermore, itโ€™s important to not criticize your partner out in the world. The general rule of thumb is that you not tell something about your partner to anyone that you havenโ€™t already shared with your partner.

When I was married, I talked to my friends WAY more about the problems in my marriage than I did to my husband. This didnโ€™t do our relationship any good because we werenโ€™tย communicatingย and giving our relationship a chance to improve. And when we were together I treated my husband with contempt because I no longer respected him.

I am no longer married.

So, make sure you agree early on to treat each other with respect, both inside and outside the relationship.

ย 

4โ€“ Keep the power dynamic even.

In many marriages, it happens that at some point one person becomes the one calling the shots. And while this seems to work on one level, ultimately the relationship will become uneven. And when power dynamics are unequal, a marriage can be damaged.

Make an effort to keep the decision making even in your marriage. If you are good at organizing your social life then do that but give him the opportunity to choose events. If he is good at managing the finances let him do that but continue to have input into where the money goes and why.

Letting your marriageโ€™s playing field become uneven allows it to slip into a sort of parent/child dynamic, where one person is in charge and the other does as they are told. Does that sound like a healthy relationship to you?

Not so much.

ย 

5โ€“ Spend time apart.

When they are falling in love, couples want to spend every available minute together. The feelings that accompany falling in love are addictive and hard to walk away from even for a short while.

It is important, however, that you spend time apart from the one you love because too much togetherness can lead to neglect- to taking each other for granted, for losing oneself and for alienating close friends and family. None of those things can lead to a happy marriage.

You know the old saying โ€˜absence makes the heart grow fonder?โ€ Itโ€™s true!

Think about how you feel when you go on a diet. How you canโ€™t eat ice cream for a month while you lose those 5 pounds and, man, do you miss your ice cream? Itโ€™s the same thing in a relationship. Stepping away from your partner, even for a bit, makes you both notice the void that is created in his or her absence.

And then the heart grows fonder.

So, spend some time apart. Be yourself. Miss each other. Value each other. Keep that spark alive.

ย 

Poor boundaries in marriage can be a recipe for disaster.

Marriages are built by two people who have two separate lives and two separate ways of living. It is important that the couple build a new life together. A new life with four walls that will keep it safe and strong.

So, donโ€™t let one of you be in charge, respect each other, like yourself, spend time apart and be flexible.

At the beginning of your marriage, make it a priority with your partner and build your house from a place of love and beauty and self-confidence, one that will be strong enough to stand the test of time and allow your marriage to be a healthy one.

You can do it!


You may also like:

ย 

5 Reasons Why Poor Boundaries In Marriage Are A Recipe For Disaster

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

Complacency: The Silent Killer Of Relationships

How Complacency Can Ruin A Perfect Relationship

Has your relationship slipped into complacency? When comfort leads to blurred boundaries, itโ€™s time to reignite the spark. Learn how to refresh your connection together!

Can being too comfortable in a relationship lead to the end?

Key points

Complacency can happen over time in relationships.

Becoming too comfortable leads to blurred boundaries.

There are ways to refresh a relationship if complacency sets in.

Up Next

How to Recognize and Overcome Toxic Codependency: Understanding the Signs and Causes

Does it sometimes seem to you like you cannot function without someone or that they canโ€™t without you? Well, this is called toxic codependency. It happens when relationships become disproportionate and one person depends too heavily on the other for emotional or psychological support. Let us now explore how we can identify and move away from this destructive cycle.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Up Next

Navigating the Dynamics of Workplace Friendship: 8 Dos and Donโ€™ts

They say your co-worker can be your biggest enemy, but this doesnโ€™t have to be true. By following a few simple rules for workplace friendships, you can build lasting and supportive relationships with your colleagues.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

However, these relationships come with their own set of challenges that require careful navigation. Here are some doโ€™s a

Up Next

5 Examples of Relationship Boundaries: Set Up Healthy Relationship Standards

What keeps relationships healthy and thriving? Is it love? respect? Well, youโ€™d be surprised to know that the answer is โ€œBoundariesโ€. Curious about how they work? Here are five essential examples of relationship boundaries that ensure mutual respect, trust, and happiness.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

The big question is, โ€œWhat are relationship boundaries?

Up Next

7 Warning Signs You Are Begging For Love

Do you feel like you are the only one putting in the effort in your relationship? Like youโ€™re being taken for granted? It could be that you are begging for love from your significant other. Itโ€™s okay to crave love and attention; it is only natural. But when that craving becomes a desperate plea for affection, we have a problem.

Up Next

Is Flirting Considered Cheating? Check If You Have Crossed The Lines

When it comes to relationships, the boundaries of acceptable behavior can often be a gray area, especially in interactions with others. One particularly contentious topic is flirting. But is flirting considered cheating in a relationship? The answer is subjective.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

For some, playful banter and coy smiles are harmless fun, a way to socializ

Up Next

Does Having High Standards Undermine Your Love Life? 4 Ways It Can Go Wrong

Does having high standards in relationships make it harder for you to fall in love? Itโ€™s common โ€” setting impossible standards can keep us away from opportunities. Letโ€™s learn how and what to do about it!

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

People have the tendency to use the โ€œnot my typeโ€ excuse to build that distance.