Men often play different dating games and test the women they are with to find out if they are compatible and the women they are dating are exactly what they’re looking for in a committed, lasting relationship. So if your partner is testing you, then it means they’re probably looking for love.
Does it seem like the man you’re dating is testing you or pushing you to your limit on purpose?
Does he seem sweet and attentive one minute and perhaps a little insensitive the next?
Or have you met a man who seems to say things to you to just see how you react to perhaps ruffle your feathers?
Or maybe he’s obsessed about something in his life that he just loves to talk about like the upcoming video game he can’t wait to get or the difference between two Yamaha guitar models when they all sound the same to you?
Today, I’m going to let you in on a little secret that reveals how men think when they’re looking for love. This means if you feel like he’s testing you, then you’re probably right.
And in a moment, I’m going to reveal the three ways men test women and why that may surprise you.
I’m Nadine Piat, a dating and lasting attraction coach for smart, savvy women and the founder of Healthy You Healthy Love.
I’m also the creator of four world-leading love and relationship programs including Unlock His Heart and Never Lose Him. If you haven’t heard of me, then this is the place to be as I answer all of your unanswered questions about understanding men, wholehearted commitment, and lasting attraction.
Related: The 5 Types Of Men No Woman Can Resist
If you’re wondering how to win a man over in the early stages of dating when he’s weighing up whether you’re a wife material or just a casual relationship, then you need to know the things men test women for and why.
Every woman needs to know what men test women for if they want to feel empowered when dating.
Before we go into this, I want to share something critical. I think the dating world is ready for a movement.
Men are still struggling with understanding and expressing their feelings, deeper fears, and insecurities with the key people in their life which usually impacts intimacy and their ability to grow and connect with women.
Too many women— time and time again— go against themselves in a myriad of ways when it comes to dating and long-term relationships.
This creates much of the drama, pain, and confusion that women experience that they would NOT endure if they were more empowered and more trusting of themselves when it comes to their romantic life.
To clarify, this is not a debate about whether women need to change more than men and I’m not suggesting for one moment that women are at fault or that men are.
I’m saying that not living by your core values due to perhaps a scarcity mindset or the fear of missing out, fear of being rejected, fear of never being loved is blocking the love you want.
Related: Mindful Dating: Here’s How You Can Avoid Disappointments While Dating
Instead of moving towards what you truly want, you find yourself going round and round in often painful circles which means— as much as I’d like the landscape of dating and relationships to be a more mindful, joyful, and loving experience— the reality is society still has a long way to go.
And this is why a man in the early stages of dating will test you while he’s trying to work out what he wants and who you are. Whether he’s doing this consciously or not, testing is bound to be at play.
Unfortunately, many women’s fears plus dating fatigue and frustration can see them reacting to a man’s tests.
Do I believe that men should test women while dating?
No.
The truth is, women test men too and men are also failing these tests left, right, and center.
If you want to pass a man’s tests with flying colors, then you need a few wildcards up your sleeve to help you. I’ll reveal what these are soon.
Here are three common ways men test women while dating that reveal a few key factors about you and how they will then ultimately see you and treat you.
1. The Independence Test.
Men decide to be independent to some extent and he’s looking for a woman who will support this.
When he talks about his hobbies or interests, he’s not expecting you to be magically interested in the wonderful world of Australian football, able to discuss the nuances of indie rock or hunker down for hours playing an RPG with him.
He actually wants to know whether you’ll be supportive or if you will mock him or laugh at him.
Will you let him have his alone time to do the things he wants?
Are you going to demand that he’ll spend every single moment with you?
Will you listen to him when he talks about his interests or are you going to outright dismiss them?
Sure, the balance changes when you’re in a relationship with a man. You and he can’t do things exactly how you did them while you were single though supporting him to engage in the things he loves is super important because this is your wildcard.
If you’re too demanding and try to change his interests, he will feel that you’re trying to change him which never feels good and ends up with you failing the independence test.
In my program Never Lose Him, I have a very detailed section called the LIPS method. I share the critical dance between a woman being interested and independent that is required for a thriving relationship.
Related: The Dating Game: What Men Always Get Wrong About Women
2. “Self On A” Test.
Quite frankly, this is a ridiculous way men test women while dating. I believe that people should always treat each other mindfully and with kindness.
The fact that a man will consciously treat you poorly to see if you can take it, to see how far he can push you, and see if you will fight for your own values and honor sounds cruel and it can be.
This way men test women has got to stop.
Humans do test each other regardless of whether it’s unintentional or not. Too many women fall for and fail this test.
Every woman should expect to be treated well, yet many do not speak up early in the relationship and this is why they end up being treated as doormats.
But ladies, you are not off the hook. Women can also test men in the same way.
Whether it’s premeditated or not, we all know when we’re getting away with something unless someone lets us know how they feel about it.
And if they’re not OK with it, most people will typically keep doing it.
For example, if someone says that they’re going to call you at a particular time and they don’t call or let you know that they won’t be able to, then that’s a breach of a core value of someone being a person of their word, a person of honor and integrity.
This can be a way a man tests you. He’ll keep doing it if you don’t say something.
If you say something and he keeps dishonoring his agreement, then that flips the test around for you to see what he is all about. This is your time to work out if he will work with you and step up to be a man of his word or not.
If you don’t trust someone’s word, then how can you be in a happy and loving relationship?
This is how many women end up in unhealthy relationships. They failed this “self on a test” and they end up feeling used and resentful.
This is where you get to use your wildcard.
I want you to feel confident and ask to be treated kindly and mindfully. You deserve this at the very least. Ask gracefully and share what you value in a way that’s empowered. You do not want to shame or chastise him, just let him know what you value and what turns you on emotionally. He’ll get it or he won’t.
We’re all capable of forgetting things and messing up. So use your wildcard. See what he does. If he doesn’t respect a reasonable request from you, then move on far away from this type of person.
I know how hard it can be to let go of someone you thought was going to be a good match.
You may have thought he was sexy and perhaps relationship material— yet if he doesn’t honor the bare basics of healthy eating and relating, see this as a blessing and run.
3. The “Let’s Get It On” Test.
First up, I will say that I know men who like to sleep with women early on in the dating phase to see if they’re compatible physically. I get it though this is not the kind of test I’m referring to at this point.
Not all men view sex in the same way.
Some men want to test out the connection and compatibility early on and they typically won’t judge a woman on this. Some men will have sex on the first date with a woman and marry them. Whereas, some men test to see if a woman is easy which is a double standard that is sadly still living and breathing in the 21st century.
So how does a woman pass this test?
Only have sex with a man when you feel comfortable. Feeling horny is NOT the same as feeling comfortable or it does not mean it’s the right time to get it on. If you feel pressured, then honor yourself. This is your wildcard.
Do not have sex with a man unless you truly want to and when the time feels right for you. There’s nothing wrong with something casual though you have to authentically want a casual fling.
The bottom line is sex is not the path to commitment and sex is a common way men test women while dating.
Related: The Real Reason Men Leave After Sex (It’s not because you slept with him too soon)
If you’re with a pushy man who’s not easily taking no for an answer, then pay close attention. This is a possible red flag.
Sure, he might try to have sex with you but if he seems aggressive or is trying way too hard, then take note. He may not be a great guy for you. Most men will cool the jets quite easily when you clearly say no to getting it on when you say no.
If a man is going to judge you or lose interest the moment you have sex, then he’s definitely not the man for you.
Some men seek to conquer and then they’re on to the next challenge, the next quest. These types of men are not always easy to pick up on. Irrespective as to whether you slept with them on the first date or 20th date, they will flee once they get what they want or once they feel it’s getting more serious.
I know that this can feel terrible and at the same time, don’t let it eat at your confidence and never forget the type of love and devotion you deserve. There are great men out there looking for you.
So there you have it, three ways men test women while dating and how to pass each one that sees you winning a man over without sacrificing your own values.
If you feel like the man you’re dating is testing you, listen to your gut and keep coming back here to know what to do. I want you to be with the kind and loving man, not a man who feels the need to test you and play with your emotions.
Related: If You Think Dating’s a Game, You’ve Already Lost
Ever been stuck in the heartbreaking cycle of having him be attentive and sweet— when he suddenly loses interest in you or worse disappears completely? I don’t have to tell you how much it hurts when a man suddenly pulls away.
Instead… want to know how to get the kind of delicious attention and affection that lasts a lifetime?
Written by Nadine Piat
Originally appeared in Attract The One
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