Every parent wants to be a good parent to their children, but to be one, there are some truths every parent must accept in life. On National Parents Day, these truths about being a parent will help you be their best guide!
“Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.” – Kahlil Gibran
This prose from Kahlil Gibran’s prophet explains the sweet pain of parenting like no other.
Being a parent is the most beautiful and rewarding experience of one’s life. However, all-loving and successful parents have to learn a few heartbreaking lessons on their journey of parenting to let their children blossom into their highest potential.
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Hardest Thing About Being A Parent: 6 Things You Should Learn This National Parents Day
1) Your kids are not yours to own.
“Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.”
This is one of the most bitter truths every parent must accept in life. The most difficult thing for parents to practice is level-headed detachment.
It is very difficult for parents to entertain the thought that they do not own their kids; especially after all the emotional, physical, and mental labor they put into raising their little ones. But as Gibran rightly points out in the above-mentioned verse, parents are the means by which the children come into this world but they are separate individuals with their own destinies to be carved.
They are a result of life’s longing to be expressed – a force greater than parents – whatever you want to call it, God or nature and they really belong to that source, and parents are just a medium to bring them into this world.
2) You should not make your kids think or believe like you.
“You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.”
Not only the kids are not yours to own but they also have a right to their own thoughts and belief systems. They have come to play their unique role in the world and have a storehouse of potential within them.
The parents should give them the freedom and space to navigate life on their own and form their own belief systems to enter a world of infinite possibilities in the future that the parents can’t foresee.
They are meant to live their own lives and contribute to the world in their own manner instead of being a replica of their parent’s thoughts and belief systems.
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3) You need to give them enough space to learn life skills.
“You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.”
As parents, there is a tendency to help our children by doing all their tasks and protecting them from every possible danger.
The parents sometimes tend to make decisions and do tasks for their children to protect and help them but in the process, they also deprive them of opportunities to learn essential life skills.
It is very easy to do your kids’ homework and ride a bike for them in the name of love but that loving is really crippling the child’s growth and development instead of enhancing it.
It is important to practice some kind of restraint and tough love to enable kids to learn things by letting them do their work on their own.
It is important that every parent must accept that their kids need enough space to be themselves and learn to be like them instead of trying to make them their mirror image as it is the nature of life and evolution to move forward and not backward.
4) They have their own destiny to fulfill.
It is a tendency of parents to use their kids as a platform to fulfill their own unfulfilled dreams. A person who could not become a doctor would consciously or unconsciously want his kid to become a doctor but the most important lesson for parents is to realize that their kid is a unique and separate individual. Every parent must accept that their child has his own destiny to fulfill.
Every parent must accept that their children have their own gifts and talents and life purpose. And as a parent, your duty is to provide them nurturing care and support to pursue their own dreams and life purpose.
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5) You can’t stay with them 24/7.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
This is one of the most frightening and bitter truths every parent must accept: that they have to let go of their offspring from under their wings to learn to fly on their own.
Gibran has used the analogy of bending like a bow to describe this painful experience of letting go.
It is the duty of every successful and loving parent to prepare their kids to be self-sufficient and offer them even more love and support when they are preparing to go out in the world on their own.
Gibran also offers beautiful advice to deal with this excruciating pain and turn it into joy, by remembering a lovely reminder that God and the creator loves both the arrow and the bow that is stable.
The children who are born to take the wheel of humanity forward and fulfill their unique destiny and the parents who are strong and stable parents who let their children fly and carve their own destinies are equally loved and blessed by God.
6) Each day they need you less and less.
When a child is born he has no separate sense of self, his sense of self is enmeshed with his parents. It is only around the age of 2- 3 years that a child begins to develop an ego or a separate sense of self.
But still, as a child, his entire world revolves around his parents and he learns everything by observing his parent.
But once he begins to go to school, he begins to learn independent of his parent. And some of what they may learn may be contrary to the belief systems and values of their parents. And he may begin to ask uncomfortable questions about religion or making out.
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It can be a humbling experience because for the first time your authority as a parent is being challenged and it is precisely at this time that the parent should provide more love and support to the kids and give them enough leash to learn and grow independent of them.
The more they grow up and start going out in the world, the less and less they would need you each day, and the more graciously the parents can accept this lesson, the more lovingly they will be able to let their kids go and grow independent of them. No wonder this is one of the hardest truths every parent must accept.
According to you, what are the most bitter truths every parent must accept? Share your thoughts on good parenting skills and how to be a good parent. This National Parents Day, let us know your thoughts in the comments down below!
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