Written by: Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW, author of Itโs Not Always Depression
Anxiety and the alarming thoughts our anxiety conjures are normal to experience, especially underย stressfulย and challenging times like now. But anxiety feels terrible so itโs good to have a few tools to calm anย anxiousย nervous system. Speaking supportive words to ourselves can provide relief, much like a parent reassures a child.
Experiment with soothingย self-talkย with the following phrases. See if the words relax you, calm your beating heart, allow you to breathe a little deeper, or lower the tension in your muscles. Even tiny shifts are important and can bring a sense of mastery that you have some control over your nervous systemโwhich you do!
Read Emotional Distress: 7 Signs You Are Feeling Mental Strain And What To Do
Here are the mantras I recommend:
1. โThis Is Temporary.โย
Itโs true: This quarantine and virus wonโt last forever. Humans can sustain stress for long periods of time. We areย resilient. Remember, โThis stress is temporary!โ Say it again and again.
2. โEverything Is Going To Be OK.โย
The future is unknown, not only now but always. But there is no sense in triggering our nervous system into states of panic. We can tell ourselves everything is going to be OK, and it most likely will be.
If youโre too much of a realist or aย pessimist, you can modify this mantra to โEverything is probably going to be OK.โ If thatโs still hard for you to believe, try โIf everything is not OK, I can handle it.โ And that is true! Try out different versions and see what calms the anxiety in your body.ย (Clickย hereย for a gentle experiential exercise to practice being your own good parent.)
3. โOne Day At A Time. One Hour At A Time. One Minute At A Time.โย
When emotions run high, we can get overwhelmed. This is the time to slow way down. Remind yourself the only goal is to get through the next minute, hour, or day. Shift your focus to figuring out a pleasant and calming activity that you can do right now to get through a tough moment.
For example, recently I woke up feeling really anxious after having several calm days. I knew I was anxious because my heart was beating fast. I reminded myself that my goal was to โslow down and take it a minute at a time.โ I read my list ofย state-changers, concrete activities that shift us out of anxiety and into states of calm, connection,ย confidence, and clarity.
Hereโs what I did:
- Dedicated 5 minutes toย ย groundingย andย breathing.
- Vacuumed the house.
- Made a cup of tea.
- Exercised.
- Took a very hot bath.
- Wrote.
It took a few hours, but eventually, I started to feel a bit better. If none of those methods had worked, I wouldโve told myself, โHang in there! Tomorrow is a new day, and you will probably feel better in the morning.โ
4. โJust Because I Feel Anxious At This Moment Doesnโt Mean In Reality Things Are Worse Than The Moment Before.โย
Anxiety has a funny way of generating catastrophic thoughts. When you are very anxious, itโs important to pause and notice your thoughts. If you think the world is ending or youโll never be happy again or youโve ruined your life, notice that and then remind yourself itโs just a feeling or itโs just a worry. It doesnโt mean it is true.
Read 13 Characteristics Of A Mentally Healthy Person
The way we talk to ourselves matters and affects how we feel and think. I hope you will try some of these mantras and see if they offer any relief. If not, you can at least feel good about the effort you made to help yourself. Working with anxiety and the emotions that underlie anxiety is a lifelong practice. The idea is to get into an experimental state of mind and have a wide variety of tools, like mantras, state-changers, and the Change Triangle, at your disposal. Itโs about practice, not perfection.
For free resources on emotions, visitย hilaryjacobshendel.com
Please share this article with anyone who you may think will find it valuable and helpful.
Originally appeared on: Psychology Today Republished with permission
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