20 Powerful Tips To De-Escalate Emotional Situations

Handling emotional situations can sometimes seem very tricky, which why is knowing how to de-escalate emotional situations is an underrated superpower to have. This article is going to provide some of the best tips for de-escalating sensitive situations.

KEY POINTS

  • Observation is key to de-escalating and maintaining social harmony.
  • Body language to convey calmness and empathy is crucial during emotional turmoil.
  • What you say matters, but what you do matters even more.

Co-authored by Joe Navarro and Anne-Maartje Oud

At home or at work, inevitably, we will all be confronted with situations in which emotions begin to get out of control. Sometimes it is a clash of ideas, miscommunication, or pent-up feelings that percolate to the surface because of a perceived wrong or dissatisfaction.

Whatever the cause, we want to bring those negative emotions under control as quickly as possible before they escalate.

Over the years, we have been consulted on how to defuse emotional situations in various settings and circumstancesโ€”everything from individuals who wonโ€™t talk to each other, or who are reacting angrily, to pushing and shoving, throwing objects, and, in one case, even assault.

Learning to de-escalate is a little bit of art, science, and social diplomacy, and it begins with you. We say that because we cannot assume the other person will seek to do so; nor can we assume they have the skill set and the will to do so.

De-escalation begins as a mental process, where social cues as well as verbal and nonverbal communications are deployed to keep emotional situations from getting out of control. It also requires determination to see it through, knowing it may take some time to ameliorate the situation to keep it from escalating.

Here are 20 tips for de-escalating at home or at work we have found most useful. Every situation is unique, so ensure that you align your behavior with what is needed in your specific circumstances.

Related: How To Calm Down Quickly? 5 Best Tried And Tested Self-Calming Methods

20 Ways To De-Escalate Emotional Situations

1. Stay calm.

Take deep breaths and try to stay centered, aware, but, above all, calm. This may sound easy, but, where emotions are concerned, this may be difficult.

I once confronted an angry man with a knife in hand; it took everything I had to remain calm in the face of a threat. By remaining calm, we can influence nonverbally what others perceive and how they will react.

2. Use your body as a medium for expressing calm.

Lower your tone of voice, use palm-up gestures, relax the shoulders, angle your body slightly, create spatial distance, relax the face, and even try smiling, if appropriate; use your eyes to communicate that you donโ€™t want to antagonize.

How to de-escalate emotional situations

3. If they are speaking, listen carefully to what they say, the words that they use, what they repeat, but especially what they say first.

Words have meaning, and the primacy of words even more. No matter how illogical or emotional, listen and acknowledge that you are receiving their message. That does not mean you agree. In listening, we begin the important process of validation.

4. Validation is so invaluable when it comes to the de-escalation of emotions.

It lets others know that what they have to say matters, that you are listening, that you are empathetic. You may not agree with them, but validation is not agreement, it is recognition.

All humans want to be recognized and validated from the time we are toddlers. To effectively validate others, summarize what they said using their words, if possible. Click here for more information on validation.

5. Ask open-ended questions and show genuine interest in the other personโ€™s experiences and perspectivesโ€ฆ

and, in doing so, try to put yourself in their shoes. Be empathetic. Something has brought them to this point; perhaps it has built up over time; perhaps no one has taken the time to listen to them before; perhaps they are having psychological issues.

Whatever the case, be empathetic. โ€œIโ€™m so sorry to hear that, This must have been awful,โ€ might help.

Related: 5 Ways To Stay Calm During An Argument With Your Spouse

6. Donโ€™t sit in judgment.

That is not your role. Donโ€™t tell people they should not feel that way or that they are wrong or that what they are saying has no merit. Get them to talk and vent; that is the most important thing you can do.

7. Hard as it is sometimes, check your ego at the door.

There is no battle to be won here. It is about returning to a state of emotional harmonyโ€”that is the objective, not being right. Words matter, and your words in those precious key moments will be long remembered.

In the Netherlands, there is a slogan that says, โ€œAre you winning an argument or losing a relationship?,โ€ wise words for all of us in a polarized environment.

Donโ€™t shroud your own aggression by getting a dig in. What is called microaggression can derail the best of efforts. Suspend your own angst or even animosity for the sake of achieving emotional equanimity.

8. In dealing with co-workers, remember that these are people you must work with every day and perhaps for years to come.

Think long-term harmony. That mindset can help you to see how this is a process that will have long-term benefits. This is especially relevant at home.

9. In silence, acknowledge with your eyesโ€ฆ

through arched eyebrows, or by tilting your head, or nodding, that you are listening and attentive. A genuine smile, where and when appropriate, can also help put people at ease and create a positive atmosphere.

De-escalate emotional situations

10. Avoid crossing your arms or legs, as this can create the illusion of a barrier between you and the other person.

Instead, try to adopt an open, relaxed posture. When negative emotions are at play, these behaviors can be misperceived, so avoid them.

11. If the other person is feeling anxious or uncomfortable, offer reassurance and support.

Let them know that you are there to help and that you care about their well-being. When someone is crying or in shock, you might feel inclined to leave to avoid your own discomfort and to give them space.

However, itโ€™s important not to do so. Instead, make sure you stay in the room with them. You can verbalize your support by saying, โ€œIโ€™m here if you need me.โ€

Related: 10 Surprising Habits Of Calm People That You Need To Learn

12. Be mindful of the other personโ€™s personal spaceโ€ฆ

and their personal property (purse, desk, backpack, possessions), and avoid getting too close. Itโ€™s always safer to have greater distance.

13. If the person is a stranger, ask them their name, if possible.

Use an honorific if it applies, such as โ€œProfessorโ€ or โ€œDoctor.โ€

14. Donโ€™t feel you have to stay in one place.

Sometimes between colleagues going for a walk, sitting outside, or sitting side by side on a bench rather than across from each other helps to relieve tension.

15. If the situation is escalating and emotions are running high, consider taking a break.

There is nothing wrong with saying: โ€œI need to step out. I will be back, but I need to think about what has been said.โ€ Let the other party know you want to engage, but you are human also and may need to consider what has transpired thus far.

This can help both parties to calm down and approach the situation more rationally.

16. Use positive language to create a more positive environment.

For example, instead of saying โ€œI canโ€™t help you with that,โ€ say โ€œLet me see what I can do to help.โ€

17. Look for areas of agreement or shared interests.

This can help to build rapport and create a more positive interaction.

De-escalate emotional situations

18. If possible, suggest a solution that can help to resolve the issue at hand or viable options.

This can demonstrate that youโ€™re willing to work together to find a positive outcome. The most important thing, even while you are finding a solution, say you are using a laptop, is donโ€™t go silent. Keep others informed. Give them updates.

19. If a weapon is brandishedโ€”any kindโ€”distance is your best help.

Even if they have a knife or a gun, stay calm, use your voice, create further distance, and work on all the traits of de-escalation discussed. Where possible, seek help.

Related: 11 Daily Zen Habits That Will Transform Your Life

20. Donโ€™t forget to reward individuals who begin to de-escalate by relaxing even further.

By further validation, by thanking them for considering solutions you may have proposed, by showing greater comfort around them.

Conclusion: De-escalation takes a desire and commitment to make things better. With some of the tips here and where possible some practice, it can be achieved with a little patience. Lastly, if you forget everything else, remain calm and empathetic as you seek to resolve the situation in a constructive manner.

Copyright ยฉ 2023 Joe Navarro and Anne-Maartje Oud.

Anne-Maartje Oud is the founder and director of The Behaviour Company, a worldwide consultancy on best practices and human behavior.


Written By Joe Navarro
Originally Appeared On Psychology Today
de-escalation

— Share —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

Am I Motivating Myself or Just Pushing Myself?

Motivation Myself or Pushing Myself Redefining

Am I truly motivating myself or just pushing too hard? Andrea asks a reflecting question if itโ€™s inspiration or unrelenting pressure. Let’s find out more about it!

Personal Perspective: The bracelet is inscribed โ€œKeep Going.โ€ Can I?

Motivating Myself Or Pushing Myself?

This bracelet inscribed โ€œKeep Goingโ€ was originally meant to inspire me because last year was a t

Up Next

Things People Learn Too Late In Life: 7 Eye-Opening Life Lessons

Things People Learn Too Late in Life Eye Opening Life Lessons

Life is full of unexpected events and sometimes there are things people learn too late. Though some lessons come with age and experience, as time goes by, we often wish we had known some important truths sooner.

These moments of truth can be very shocking as well as transformative, they help us live authentically, appreciate what truly matters, and make the most of our time. Below are seven crucial life lessons people learn too late and can still change the way they approach life.

7 Things People Learn Too Late In

Up Next

Anger and Emotions: What’s Really Setting Us Off?

Anger and Emotion Whats Really Setting Us Off

Ever wonder whatโ€™s really fueling your anger and emotions? Discover how a mindful approach can help you regain inner peace in your life!

Taking a mindful approach to exploring why we are angry.

Key points

Anger is a secondary emotion.

Anger is a warning sign that lets us know there is an issue to address.

Knowing what we are feeling will help us to address the source of our anger.

Anger can hit us when we least expect it. There are some people who get angry and not know what they are angry about. The

Up Next

How I Hacked My Personality: Steps To Be The Better Version Of Myself

How I Hacked My Personality

Can we truly reshape our personalities for lasting change? Discover Dr. Shannon Sauer-Zavala’s article “How I hacked my personality” and learn how small shifts in mindset and behavior can lead to meaningful transformation in your life.

A Personal Perspective: Science-backed strategies for intentional trait change.

Key points

Research suggests that personality changes over time.

We can speed up personality change by taking intentional action.

Changes that are reinforced by the environment are easier to maintain.

Up Next

Women Empowerment: The Rebecca Effect in “Ted Lasso”

Rebecca Effect In Ted Lasso Women Empowerment

Can women turn negative experiences into empowerment? Discover the โ€œRebecca Effectโ€ from Ted Lasso and transform your personal trials into powerful self-acceptance!

Personal Perspective: Empowering women to transform shame and betrayal.

Key points

“Ted Lasso” inspired with imperfect, endearing characters whose trials and transformations mirrored our own.

The โ€œRebecca Effectโ€ is the empowerment and transformation possible when we have been oppressed or shamed.

The “Rebecca Effect” is the process through which women embrace themselves in totality.

Up Next

The Healing Power of Emotional Tears

The Healing Power of Emotional Tears

Ever wondered why we shed emotional tears? Tears serve a healing purpose. Explore how it plays an important role for our well-being.

Emotional tears are an expression of our shared humanity.

Emotional tears, expressed by children, teens, and adults, are a universal experience observed across the globe. Emotional tears play a healing role, leading to our emotional and physical well-being. This post explores the value of emotional tears and the importance of presence and support from family and friends during unexpected

Read More Here: โ€œWhy Am I Always On The Verg

Up Next

10 Important Weekly Reflection Questions You Need To Ask Yourself

If you feel stuck and want to keep track of your goals every week, then weekly reflection questions can really help you. Weekly reflection questions can help you check in with yourself and make sure youโ€™re headed in the right direction. These are the questions you need to ask yourself every week to keep growing and moving forward.

Have you ever had a week with so much going on that you end the week feeling overwhelmed and exhausted? I know I have been there. Sometimes, the week goes by so fast that itโ€™s over before I know it, and there is no time left to process it.

A weekly reflection can help evaluate if what you are doing is working. It fosters self-growth. So, pull out that weekly reflection journal and answer the weekly reflection prompts below.