What Self Love Is Not? 5 Common Myths To Debunk

Self love is not just taking bubble baths and affirmations. It’s definitely not an individualistic ego thing. So what is it truly? This simple-sounding phrase has a broader meaning in our lives and in this article, we’ll discover what it means to love yourself!

The effect of post-modernism has made everyone quite detached from each other and there is an underlying promotion of living and being alone. Elements like self-love support this concept.

However, post-modern self-love has a toxic edge that is camouflaged under the original term. So follow the discussion to check whether you are going in the wrong direction with your self-love.

What Self Love Is Not?

Self-love is definitely not hurting others. It is not about making yourself a villain to society. Also, it is not selfishness. Self love is not being unnecessarily rude…and the list continues. Here is a more detailed discussion on what does it mean to love yourself:

1. Self Love is Not Being Egoistic

We have all probably met those people who are extremely boastful about every other small to big thing in their lives. They simply disregard other’s achievements and existence with their unnecessary ego.

This is a stage of toxic self-love where people become self-obsessed incorrectly. I have noticed that self-obsessed people do not understand it and and also they are not ready to accept it. Thus, it affects their lives and the lives of their surrounding people in many ways.

Read More: 4 Uncomfortable Signs Of Ego Death

2. Self-love is Not Narcissism

True self-love is not about being the center of the universe. Narcissism is like a constant selfie session with no value for others. It is about supporting own wrongs by forcefully justifying them. Self-love, on the other hand, is a healthy balance of knowing your worth without needing constant validation.

It’s about saying, “I am enough,” not “I am everything.” It is not about giving yourself a 10 on 10, rather it is about giving yourself a solid 7 or 8 may be and opening up the doors to accept changes, updates, and betterment.

3. Self Love is Not Overlooking Your Flaws

Being a very conscious person from my early childhood, I used to worry a lot about my flaws. Flaws in the sense of my shortcomings in every field be it study, friendship, relationship with parents, or in the professional field.

I was never virtuous to overlook my flaws but the recent advocacy of self-love has definitely influenced me. At the same time, I can see people around me who are misinterpreting this part and justifying their every flaw with the concept of self-love it shouldn’t be.

Thus, it has become confusing for us to pick the right approach to our imperfections. However, I would suggest you know your limitations and work on them without being hard on yourself.

4. Self-Love Is Not Loving Yourself When You Are Doing Well

The real test of your self-love comes at the time of difficulties. We all love the glowing phase in our lives and enjoy it a lot. But how many of us take defeats with the right gesture?

As per the research, people should face failure 16% of the time to become successful. However, when we face a failure we do not consider it as a learning opportunity and feel remorse.

However, feeling low at a defeat is not wrong. A milestone that you wanted to achieve but couldn’t obviously hurt you but true self-love will only reflect when you take this challenge work on it again, push yourself positively, and shine at the end.

Covering yourself with doubts, fear, and hopelessness whenever you face challenging situations and embracing only stability is not self-love.

5. Self Love Is Not Blaming Others for Your Wrongs

You can absolutely not be unaccountable for your wrongs in the name of self-love. I had a colleague who was indeed very talented but whenever he used to commit mistakes he simply blamed his team or any other of his co-workers. He was so engrossed with the thought “I can not be wrong at any time” that he showed the toxic side of self-love.

However, such feelings may come unconsciously and basic counseling is required to understand whether you are going wrong with your self-love.

Therefore, we should be cautious about our behaviors toward others as well to some extent in order to not hit the boundary of toxic self-love.

What Does It Mean to Love Yourself? It Is Not Selfish

I don’t know how many of you will relate to this but self-love is something very distant and achieving this is undoubtedly a hard task.

There is a blind promotion of self-love nowadays without stating much about what self love is not. And when we see that we can not relate to popular beliefs or can not do what others are doing, we feel left out.

You open any social media, any video, watch any movie, or listen to recent tracks, the concept of self-love is there! Yeah, I know you are humming that Grammy-winning masterpiece “I can buy myself flowers” line.

But exactly what is self-love? Is it that magic wand of Harry Potter that can vanish any worry from our lives? Or is it just making you selfish, careless, and reckless?

Self-love is obviously like wearing an oxygen mask first when facing turbulence in an airplane. It is about choosing your mental, emotional, and physical health first so you can be the best version of yourself. This is because when you become the best version of yourself then only you can do good for your people and society.

According to Dr. Jeffrey Borenstein, M.D., the president and CEO of the Brain and Behaviour Research Foundation. He states, “Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological, and spiritual growth.”

Why self-love is not selfish? Simply because it should not be.

My life so far has taught me that self-love should not become something like “I don’t care about others’ emotions, opinions, and influence in my life.”

Doing such things may remove valuable people from your life and make your living miserable. Acceptance is the way to achieve peace and lasting friendship in our lives.

Being accountable for our own flaws, mistakes, and wrongdoings helps us to achieve perfection in loving others, and loving ourselves.

Concluding Thoughts with Positive Self-Love Tips

I do not disapprove of the concept of self-love because it also exists positively for many of us. However, achieving the true height of self-love is tricky. You have to understand, think, give yourself positive affirmations, set boundaries, and most importantly seek help when required.

With the positive effect of self-love and avoiding what self love is not, you can strike the right balance that you need to grow in the present world.

Frequently Asked Questions(FAQs) –

1. Is self-love about indulging in every desire?

No, self-love is not about indulging every desire. It’s about making choices that nurture and sustain long-term well-being, not just immediate gratification.

2. When does self-love become narcissism?

Self-love becomes narcissism when it turns into an excessive preoccupation with oneself, leading to an inflated sense of superiority, entitlement, and disregard for others’ feelings and needs.

3. What are the signs of self-hatred?

The signs of self-hatred can be blaming yourself, being hard to your life, pleasing people excessively, etc.

What Self Love Is Not? Understanding 5 Common Misconceptions About Loving Yourself