My Husband Isn’t The Same Man I Married

My husband is not the same man I married. And I am not the same woman he married. Throughout our relationship, we have evolved. We have grown. Sometimes we have moved in completely different directions like proverbial ships in the night.

But that is the characteristic of any long-term relationship which has been through hardship, turmoil, and uncertainty. You’re not always on the same page. And you can never remain the same people you once were.

I wouldn’t expect my husband to be that same guy I first hooked up with. If he stayed as he was and never changed, we would never have been able to move on to more challenging roles, such as being parents together or starting a business together. I want someone I can grow with. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to like or enjoy every stage of that growth.

You have to be willing to accept that — at times — your partner is going to change for the worse. Sometimes a person gets sick or addicted. Sometimes they fall into depression. Sometimes that carefree, laughing person you fell in love with becomes utterly bogged down by the stress of money, jobs, kids, and emotions. Sometimes that person may even be you.

And that’s where things get messy. When you dig in to a relationship with another human being, share a home, have children together, deal with each other’s families, and just try your very best to balance all of the things that need to be done to maintain a life together without drowning, it means you might fail one another on occasion.

There may be days when your partner lets you down. There may be days when you do the same. There will be days when don’t give as much as you could to the relationship and vice versa. There will be days when you question being together at all.

Anyone who is married or in a long-term relationship knows this to be true. You can’t possibly give 100% to a relationship every day — especially when you’re managing a household. It’s not a realistic expectation for anyone to have.

The same goes for change. One day your partner could wake up and decide they want to start going on hiking trips, go back to school, or quit their job. One day that could be you waking up with a different idea on how to live your life. And that’s something you would probably want your partner to support and understand.

This is why so many people struggle with relationships. They’re either expecting their partner to conform or change to suit their needs or else they are resistant to their partner changing in ways in which they’re not ready to accept.

Change can be good. It can also be terrifying. The bottom line is that change is inevitable and when you enter into a relationship or marriage you should understand that.

There is literally nothing better than having a partner with whom you can discuss your innermost feelings with and who will be open to the life choices you make down the road.

People don’t always make good choices. Sometimes they fail miserably. Sometimes they spend years struggling to find their purpose in life. Having a partner who will stick around for those times is priceless. To be within a relationship where you both evolve in your own ways and learn to appreciate those changes is the real payoff in making a long-term relationship work.

My husband is definitely not the same man I married. He can’t ever go back to who he was before. I have changed him, his children have changed him, and every obstacle he’s overcome in his life has changed him. I would say exactly the same thing about myself.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.


Written by Michelle Zunter

Originally appeared on ThePonderingNook.com

You may also like

The Impact of First Love on Your Life and Future Relationships

12 Signs You Are Losing Yourself In Your Relationship

Why Relationships Fail

A 23 Point Love Contract To Bulletproof Your Relationship

Relationships Aren’t Always About Love, But Trust Me The Struggle Is Totally Worth It

My Husband Isn't The Same Man I Married

— Share —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

The 5 Neurodivergent Love Languages: How Your ADHD/Autistic Partner Shows Love

Neurodivergent Love Languages

All minds are not wired the same way to express and show love. For those on the autism spectrum or with ADHD, affection might look a bit different. Below are five neurodivergent love languages to help you understand love from a different perspective!

We know about Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages, but these languages aren’t designed for neurodiverse individuals – who express care and affection differently. Sometimes their loved ones don’t recognize how they share their feelings, or why they act like they do.

So, let’s take a look at ADHD and autistic love languages, which might take on different forms to show how they like to receive affection.

Up Next

Complacency: The Silent Killer Of Relationships

How Complacency Can Ruin A Perfect Relationship

Has your relationship slipped into complacency? When comfort leads to blurred boundaries, it’s time to reignite the spark. Learn how to refresh your connection together!

Can being too comfortable in a relationship lead to the end?

Key points

Complacency can happen over time in relationships.

Becoming too comfortable leads to blurred boundaries.

There are ways to refresh a relationship if complacency sets in.

Up Next

10 Surprising Perks of Dating a Tomboy: Why She’s the Best Girlfriend You’ll Ever Have

Surprising Perks of Dating a Tomboy

Dating a tomboy brings an exciting mix of fun, friendship, and romance. When you’re dating a tomboy, you’re in for a relationship that’s refreshingly different. She’s someone who’s down-to-earth, ready for adventure, and brings out the best in everyone around her.

From shared hobbies to spontaneous plans, being with her is all about enjoying life without pretenses or drama.

If you’re curious about what makes her such an amazing partner, here are 10 surprising perks that prove dating a tomboy might just be the best decision you’ll ever make!

Related: 10 Things You Need To Know If Yo

Up Next

How Playfulness Can Transform Your Love Life

How Playfulness In A Relationship Can Transform Your Love Life

Is your relationship feeling stale or distant? Wondering how to reignite the spark? Discover how bringing playfulness into your love life can create deeper connections and renewed passion.

Looking to revive a dying flame? Try the power of play.

Key points

The four types of relationship playfulness are other-directed, intellectual, whimsical, and lightheartedness.

Other-directed and intellectual are the most highly predictive of relationship satisfaction.

All types of playfulness are related to at least some facet of relationship well-being.

Up Next

7 Types Of Intimacy To Deepen Your Relationship

Ever wondered how to deepen your bond with your partner? Learning these 7 different types of intimacy in a relationship that can bring you closer in meaningful ways. Try it out now!

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Intimacy is important, but how do we cultivate it?

Up Next

The Pebbling Love Language: Inspired By Penguins To Transform Relationships

For some people love doesn’t mean big actions and expensive presents, but rather small things matter the most to them. So here’s pebbling love language – inspired by penguins. Let’s find out if you have this language of love without even knowing it.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

What I

Up Next

Can TikTok’s ‘Meeting Someone Twice Theory’ Really Lead To Love?

Has a person ever crossed your path and then reappeared at another point in your life, causing you to feel like you have some kind of unexplainable bond with them? According to the newest idea from TikTok, Meeting Someone Twice Theory – is a meaningful thought that says love often needs a second chance.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

So let’s learn how the universe