The whole world gets divided into two every once in a while. Well, not all at the same time, but arguing is so common that many consider it part of being human. Inherent or not, relationships are complex and arguments inevitable. Today you will learn how to turn arguments into affection and improve your relationship.
Before you jump to any conclusions keep in mind that Iโm not saying itโs a bad thing. Disagreements are a natural part of life. And even if that wasnโt a problem human communication is not very efficient or effective.
Anyway, thatโs not the point Iโm trying to make here. Arguments are not bad by themselves, in the end, theyย help us reach an understanding, well, sometimes. The real problem comes when, even though we went through an exhaustive fight/argument, still things donโt feel fixed. We feel thereโs something off or that we didnโt achieve anything.
Just a note: I will speak from my perspective, about working things out with a female SO, but this applies both for men and women.
Hereโs how to close those arguments for good, while at the same time you wipe off those weird feelings of uneasiness or discomfort after having a fight. Because in order for relationships to work, solutions must be mutually centered on the other.
Each must make the other feel the problem is behind by:
1. Listening
Start off by summarizing every concern she had during the argument.
For example, you can say: โOk, I want to understand you and solve this, so letโs wrap it up. You feel this emotion because of this situation and you felt this because of that. Am I right?โย
This makes it clear you were present and listening and understand her concerns. Try to use the words and phrases used by your SO and this will be a clear indication that you seekย her wellbeing. Never devaluate what the other feels. And if she says the situation is different, listen again and wrap it up until you get it right.
Related: Why It Is Easy To Resolve Some Conflicts and Impossible To Resolve Some
2. Understanding
Next, you need to make the other feel you care, which you will accomplish by showing that you understand her feelings.
After you have wrapped up the way she feels, you can ask her: โThen you want this to happen in order to feel good, rightโ?
Pointing to a solution that both of you feel is fit for the situation. As long as this solution doesnโt conflict with your wants and needs go ahead and reach an agreement. She will feel you understand and will help her ease the negative feelings.
3. Reassure her with affection.
Tell her everything is going to be fine, and that since you both agree, everything is solved now and sheโs got nothing to worry about.
This is like the closing part. What happens often is that after an argument both may feel that reconciliation is weird or awkward because you were just fighting a moment ago.
Overcome this by showing physical affection. This barrier is mostly pride, so donโt hold back and show some love with a smile on your face.
In a sense it should also be a celebration, because you just solved a problem together, like a team. Speaking of whichโฆ
To make a relationship work both must feel the problem is over. Any relation that centers only on one part is definitely a relationship destined to fail. Now itโs time for her to do the same for you. Voice your concerns and ask to reach the same success in regards to your feelings.
You matter as much as her. She matters as much as you do.
Not because itโs egotistical, but because both must have the same importance, and of course, both have the right to feel happy and loved. Free from any emotional conflict.
Never try to apply a solution prematurely as it will undermine your relationship. Use these steps only after both have spoken and are ready to solve the problem and move forward.
Related: 5 Relationship Quotes to Help You Resolve Conflict In Relationships
Most relationships are repairableย as long as both agree to make amends and fight for love. But above all: to change as much as necessary to prevent oneโs own flaws to damage the other.
Do you think all relationships can have a future? Do you think yours can be?
This article is an excerpt taken from George Alonsoโsย upcoming book:
Marriage Rescue Kit: The complete guide to save your relationship. (Even โunsolvableโ problems)
If you believe this will beย helpfulย to others or if it helps you donโt forget toย share and like.ย Thanksย for reading!
George Alonso,
Master yourself. Master your life.
Written By George Alonso Originally Appeared In George Alonso
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