How to Relieve the Burden of Survivor’s Guilt

 / 

,

After surviving a tragic event, some people consider themselves fortunate while others are left with a sense of guilt. Learn about what is survivor’s guilt and how to deal with it.

Research shows that survivor’s guilt is real.

What is Survivors Guilt?

Survivor’s guilt is something that people experience when they’ve survived a life-threatening situation and others might not have. It is commonly seen among Holocaust survivors, war veterans, lung-transplant recipients, airplane-crash survivors, and those who have lived through natural disasters such as earthquakes, fires, tornadoes, and floods.

What is Survivors Guilt?

In her Psychology Today blog, Nancy Sherman, Ph.D., describes the phenomenon by saying that survivor’s guilt begins with an endless loop of “counterfactual thoughts that you could have or should have done otherwise, though in fact you did nothing wrong.” The symptoms of survivor’s guilt vary, but here are some possible clues that someone is experiencing it:

Symptoms of Survivor’s Guilt

Relieve Burden Survivors Guilt
  • Having flashbacks
  • Feeling irritable
  • Having difficulty sleeping
  • Feeling immobilized, numb, and/or disconnected
  • Being unmotivated
  • Feeling helpless
  • Having an intense sense of fear
  • Experiencing physical symptoms such as headaches, stomachaches, and palpitations
  • Having suicidal thoughts

In truth, it’s not logical for someone to feel responsible for another person’s fate, but guilt is not something we necessarily have any control over. However, survivor’s guilt is a normal response to loss. Not everyone experiences this type of guilt, but it’s often a feeling that is difficult to shake. It’s been said that some people are more prone to it, such as those with a history of depression and low self-esteem.

Related: The Psychology of Guilt: How Guilt Changes The Way We Spend

There are also other factors that could predispose someone to survivor’s guilt. For example, Alan Siegel (2005) did research on the dreams of firestorm survivors, which offered revealing results. He found that those who were victims of childhood trauma were even more susceptible to dreams about death and that all healthy defenses are weakened by trauma.

Unresolved past losses often become emotional Achilles heels or vulnerable areas that affect a survivor’s ability to cope. Siegel suggested that for disaster survivors, remembering and exploring dreams can help individuals access and deal with unresolved issues. Recording dreams in a bedside journal is an excellent way to facilitate this process.

As a resident of Southern California who has been through two natural disasters in the past two months, I (as well as others in my community) am experiencing an intense sense of survivor’s guilt. Two different times, I had to evacuate to hotels—first for the fires and then for the mudslides—but luckily my home was unaffected by Mother Nature.

How to Help Someone With Survivor Guilt

I believe that when experiencing survivor’s guilt, it’s a good idea to simply acknowledge it and call it what it is because it doesn’t go away if one represses these feelings. It’s not about healing the guilt so much as it is about shifting one’s perspective, and the passage of time can help immensely. In his book Guilt, Shame, and Anxiety, Peter Breggin suggests that we try to remove ourselves from negative thoughts and feelings and replace them with common sense, rational views, and love.

What is Survivors Guilt?

Here are some coping tips if you or someone you know is experiencing survivor’s guilt:

  • Give yourself time to grieve.
  • Consider thinking about who was really responsible, if anyone.
  • Remember to take care of yourself physically and psychologically.
  • Think about what those who are close to you are feeling about the situation.
  • Remind yourself that you were given the gift of survival and feel good about it.
  • Try to be of service to someone or something.
  • Remind yourself that you’re not alone.
  • Be patient.
  • Share your feelings with those you trust.
  • Try to stick to a daily routine.
  • Consider journaling your feelings.
  • Get professional help, as needed.

Related: How To Escape The Guilt Trap: A 5-Step Guide

If you find this helpful and know someone who is coping with survivor guilt share it with them. Let us know your thoughts in the comment section below!

References
Breggin, P. R. (2014). Guilt, Shame, and Anxiety: Understanding and Overcoming Negative Emotions. New York, NY: Prometheus Books.
Sherman, N. (2011). “The Moral Logic of Survivor Guilt.” Psychology Today. July 20.
Siegel, A. (2005). “Dreams of Firestorm Survivors” in by Deidre Barrett, ed., Boston, MA: Harvard University Press, pp. 159–175.


Written by: Diana Raab Ph.D.
Originally appeared on: Psychology Today
Republished with permission
Relieve Burden of Survivors Guilt pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

Unsocial Media: The Real Effects Of Screen Time

Unsocial Media The Real Effects Of More Screen Time

Is social media making us less social in real life? Discover the true effects of screen time on face-to-face connections and overall well-being.

Loss of real-life interaction hampers social development.

Key points

A significant amount of real-life social interaction seems essential for the development of emotional and personal skills.

Research suggests that today’s youth has about half the exposure to critical real-life social interaction that pre-internet generations did.

Trends in poor social development among young people suggest the need for urgent attention and specific strategies to enhanc

Up Next

When Grandparents’ Love Goes Sour: 8 Signs Of Toxic Grandparents And How To Survive Them

Signs Of Toxic Grandparents

Have you ever noticed certain behaviors that make you wonder if your grandparents’ love might be a little… off? Spotting the signs of toxic grandparents can be tough, especially when society paints them as the ultimate source of unconditional love and support.

But sometimes, grandparents might cross boundaries, show favoritism, or create a stressful environment that doesn’t quite feel right. If you’ve ever felt uneasy about their behavior, you’re not alone.

In this article, we’ll dive into the subtle and not-so-subtle signs of toxic grandparents and give you some strategies regarding how to deal with toxic grandparents, without causing family drama.

First, let us try to understand what are toxic grandparents.

Up Next

How a Person with Bipolar Disorder Thinks: 10 Things That Cross Their Mind

How a Person with Bipolar Disorder Thinks

Ever wondered how a person with bipolar disorder thinks? Living with bipolar disorder is often a constant ride of highs and lows, not just in mood but also in thoughts.

One moment, someone might feel invincible, brimming with ideas and energy; the next, they may feel crushed by sadness or anxiety, weighed down by self-doubt and exhaustion.

Understanding how a person with bipolar disorder thinks can help you understand better what they might be going through. Today, we’ll dive into what is bipolar disorder, followed by 10 thoughts that often cross the minds of those who live with it.

Let’s start with what is bipolar disorder.

Related:

Up Next

9 Unusual Signs of Low Intelligence That Will Surprise You

Indicators of Low Intelligence That Will Surprise You

When we talk about intelligence, most of us picture sharp-witted people solving puzzles or doing complex math. But the signs of low intelligence can be just as telling, and they show up in ways you might not expect.

A low IQ person often exhibit certain behaviors or attitudes that make them stand out. Whether it’s their inability to adapt or their rigid thinking, these subtle low IQ symptoms say a lot.

Today, we are going to do a deep dive into the 9 unusual signs of low intelligence that might surprise you—because intelligence isn’t just about getting straight A’s.

Related:

Up Next

How Sleep affects Your Mental Health

The quality and amount of sleep play a huge role in the mental health and mood of an individual.

Even just one night of inadequate sleep can heighten one’s stress level. Constant lack of sleep and chronic sleep deprivation can alter a person’s disposition and may even lead to mental health issues like anxiety and depression. In fact, a lot of research is now establishing links between insomnia and depression and how the two can interchangeably affect each other.

Sleep and mental health are broad and complex topics that still need further research to be able to fully grasp and comprehend well about them. All the same, the more we dig deeper w

Up Next

A Letter For Those Who Don’t Understand Chronic Illness

A Letter for those who don’t understand chronic illness.

Dear people who don’t understand autoimmune disease or Chronic Illness:

I know people that have an autoimmune disease and chronic illness. They seem fine on the outside, but that’s what they want you to see because they have a fear of being judged and misunderstood.

However, in reality, people that deal with these issues may be people who are dealing with diet restrictions. Perhaps they have to go to many doctors to deal with managing pain. They may not be able to do the things that we take for granted.

I personally believe if you have an autoimmune disease, or any other chronic ill

Up Next

Unlocking The Pain Of The Past: 10 Signs Of Repressed Childhood Trauma In Adults

Ever find yourself reacting strongly to situations and not quite sure why? Either you hear echoes of your past, or it’s probably because you listen to your inner child. In this article, we’re delving into the signs of repressed childhood trauma in adults – those subtle whispers from your younger self that can shape your present.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});