How to Deal with Regrets at Tough Crossroads of Life: Advice from a Reddit User

Everyone has regrets, and they can be detrimental at times. Regrets fade with time, but they lurk and grow over time as we get older and reflect on things we wanted to do but never did.

The worst part of regret is when we dwell on thoughts and knock ourselves up, replaying a devastating event in our heads over and over. It is self-defeating and may increase feelings of stress while also obscuring judgement in other aspects of life.

While we talk about regrets and making the right decisions, we came across Johnโ€™s reflection on his life in a subReddit called TIFU My whole life. โ€œMy regrets as a 46-year-old, and advice to others at a crossroad.โ€

regrets

We hope you can draw inspiration from this story and make the most of it!

TIFU. More like my whole life really.

Hi, my nameโ€™s John. Iโ€™ve been lurking for a while, but Iโ€™ve finally made an account to post this. I need to get my life off my chest. About me. Iโ€™m a 46-year-old banker and I have been living my whole life the opposite of how I wanted.
All my dreams, my passion, are gone. In a steady 9-7 job. 6 days a week. For 26 years. I repeatedly chose the safe path for everything, which eventually changed who I was.

Read 5 Ways You Can Let Go Of Regrets In The New Year To Be Happy

Today I found out my wife has been cheating on me for the last 10 years.

My son feels nothing for me. I realized I missed my fatherโ€™s funeral FOR NOTHING. I didnโ€™t complete my novel, travelling the world, helping the homeless. All these things I thought I knew to be a certainty about myself when I was in my late teens and early twenties.
If my younger self had met me today, I would have punched myself in the face. Iโ€™ll get to how those dreams were crushed soon.

Read 10 Great Life Lessons To Remember

Letโ€™s start with a description of me when I was 20.

It seemed only yesterday when I was sure I was going to change the world. People loved me, and I loved people. I was innovative, creative, spontaneous, risk-taking and great with people. I had two dreams. The first was writing a utopic/dystopic book. The second was travelling the world and helping the poor and homeless.

I had been dating my wife for four years by then. Young love. She loved my spontaneity, my energy, my ability to make people laugh and feel loved. I knew my book was going to change the world. I would show the perspective of the โ€˜badโ€™ and the โ€˜twistedโ€™, showing my viewers that everybody thinks differently, that people never think what they do is wrong.

I was 70 pages through when I was 20. I am still 70 pages in, at 46. By 20, I had backpacked around New Zealand and the Philippines. I planned to do all of Asia, then Europe, then America (I live in Australia by the way). To date, I have only been to New Zealand and the Philippines.

Now, we get to where it all went wrong. My biggest regrets. I was 20. I was the only child. I needed to be stable. I needed to take that graduate job, which would dictate my whole life. To devote my entire life to a 9-7 job.

What was I thinking? How could I live, when the job was my life? After coming home, I would eat dinner, prepare my work for the following day, and sleep at 10 pm, to wake up at 6 am the following day. God, I canโ€™t remember the last time Iโ€™ve made love to my wife.

Yesterday, my wife admitted to cheating on me for the last 10 years. 10 years. That seems like a long time, but I canโ€™t comprehend it. It doesnโ€™t even hurt. She says itโ€™s because Iโ€™ve changed. Iโ€™m not the person I was.

What have I been doing in the last 10 years? Outside of work, I really canโ€™t say anything. Not being a proper husband. Not being ME. Who am I? What happened to me?

I didnโ€™t even ask for a divorce, or yell at her, or cry. I felt NOTHING. Now I can feel a tear as I write this. But not because my wife has been cheating on me, but because I am now realizing I have been dying inside. What happened to that fun-loving, risk-taking, energetic person that was me, hungering to change the world? I remember being asked on a date by the most popular girl in the school, but declining her for my now-wife. God, I was really popular with the girls in high school. In university/college too. But I stayed loyal. I didnโ€™t explore. I studied every day.

Read 50 Incredible Ways to Live Life Without Regrets

Remember all that backpacking and book-writing I told you about? That was all in the first few years of college. I worked part-time and splurged all that I had earned. Now, I save every penny. I donโ€™t remember a time I spend anything on anything fun. On anything for myself. What do I even want now?

My father passed ten years ago. I remember getting calls from mom, telling me he was getting sicker and sicker. I was getting busier and busier, on the verge of a big promotion. I kept putting my visit off, hoping in my mind he would hold on. He died, and I got my promotion. I havenโ€™t seen him in 15 years.
When he died, I told myself it didnโ€™t matter what I didnโ€™t see him. Being an atheist, I rationalized that being dead, wouldnโ€™t matter anyway.

WHAT WAS I THINKING?
Rationalizing everything, making excuses to put things off. Excuses. Procrastination. It all leads to one thing, nothing. I rationalized that financial security was the most important thing. I now know, that it definitely is not. I regret doing nothing with my energy when I had it. My passions. My youth. I regret letting my job take over my life. I regret being an awful husband, a money-making machine. I regret not finishing my novel, not travelling the world. Not being emotionally there for my son. Being a damn emotionless wallet.

If youโ€™re reading this, and you have a whole life ahead of you, please. Donโ€™t procrastinate. Donโ€™t leave your dreams for later. Relish in your energy, your passions.

Donโ€™t stay on the internet with all your spare time (unless your passion needs it). Please, do something with your life while youโ€™re young. DO NOT settle down at 20. DO NOT forget your friends, your family. Yourself. Do NOT waste your life. Your ambitions. Like I did mine. Do not be like me.

Sorry for the long post, just had to get it out there.

Read 8 Simple Lessons That People Take A Lifetime To Learn

TL: DR I realized I let procrastination and money stop me from pursuing my passions when I was younger, and now I am dead inside, old and tired.

Sincerest of Regards,
John.
Via Reddit

Outlook

Donโ€™t let regrets prevent you from living a fulfilling life. You have a lot to offer, and itโ€™s okay if things didnโ€™t work out. It simply means that you have something else to consider and work towards. Do something that makes you feel truly alive.


My Regrets as a 46 Year Old, and Advice To Others at a Crossroad
regrets

— Share —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

9 Olympic Games for All Ages: Fun for Kids, Adults, and Students

Olympic Games For All Ages Fun for Kids Adults Students

Introduce the excitement of the Olympic Games into your own home! There are so many ways to have fun with children, party for adults, or plan activities for students that mimic the Olympic spirit.

You can play imaginative and energetic games with young kids, adults can participate in competitive yet entertaining challenges, and students can take part in educational but still engaging activities โ€” there is something for everyone!

So, letโ€™s get along, laughing and having a great time with these creative and fun Olympic games for students and kids by turning any space into a

Up Next

Unsocial Media: The Real Effects Of Screen Time

Unsocial Media The Real Effects Of More Screen Time

Is social media making us less social in real life? Discover the true effects of screen time on face-to-face connections and overall well-being.

Loss of real-life interaction hampers social development.

Key points

A significant amount of real-life social interaction seems essential for the development of emotional and personal skills.

Research suggests that today’s youth has about half the exposure to critical real-life social interaction that pre-internet generations did.

Trends in poor social development among young people suggest the need for urgent attention and specific strategies to enhanc

Up Next

The Role Of ‘Resilient Mindset’ In Healing

Resilient Mindset The Healing Power Of A Positive Mindset

Does having a positive, resilient mindset support healing? Discover how hope, and balanced optimism might influence the bodyโ€™s natural ability to heal!

Can we influence our body’s ability to heal through cellular communication?

Key points

It’s important to strike the right balance of optimism, hope, belief, and realism.

A hopeful, resilient mindset could promote positive changes at the cellular level and boost healing.

There are cases of people who have been given a fatal prognosis and changed their outcome using mindset.

Up Next

Lessons Learned In Life โ€“ Let The Mind Talk Begin..

The landscape of life is ever changing. It brings forth different scenarios that expose us to situations that are sometimes good and sometimes bad. Life is a great teacher which helps us develop different perspectives towards it. These experiences change us daily, but it is super important that we change for being better towards our own selves and the people around us.

Up Next

How To Create A Toddler-Friendly Home: 10 Helpful Tips For New Parents!

Bringing a toddler to your house can be both exciting and challenging. As soon as they begin taking notice of their surroundings, the environment in which they dwell must be secure, comfortable, and conducive to growth.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

It is important to learn how to create a toddler-friendly home because this will provide them with holistic development o

Up Next

5 Minimalistic Zodiac Signs Who Believe in โ€˜Less Is Moreโ€™

Do you love simplicity or getting rid of things that you donโ€™t need? Does the minimalist lifestyle make you happy? Then, this article will tell you the top minimalistic zodiac signs and what sets them apart when it comes to simplicity and clarity in life.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Minimalism is not just not a trend but a way of living which brings order, calmnes

Up Next

15+ Dress for Success Quotes to Boost Your Confidence and Inspire Your Life

What we wear isnโ€™t just about fashionโ€”itโ€™s a reflection of our mindset and ambition. Take a look at some of the โ€œdress for success quotesโ€ to influence confidence and, ultimately, success!

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

As fashion icon Edith Head once said, โ€œYou can have anything you want in life if you dress for it.โ€ We also believe that there is