Are you always playing the role of a rescuer in relationships?ย
Willing to help others and motivate yourself to see the good in others cannot be a wrong thing? Right? But this compassionate gesture can be harmful to their welfare when others feel that they can manipulate you, especially to perform the role of a rescuer in relationships. Because you tend to gravitate towards helping your partner out, in whatever situation to the extent of making excuses for their toxic behavior.
If youโre an empathetic person, more often than not, you see the good in people. Although youโve been burned before, youโre all too willing to put the past behind you because you think that people will either change or be different than the last relationship you were in.
While this is a good perspective to some extent, what often happens is that you end up playing the rescuer in relationships. Rather than leaving your partner to fend for himself/herself, you swoop in. You are the savior, the caretaker, the fixer.
You are empathetic, yes, but to a fault sometimes.
You donโt have to live this way, though. If you recognize the signs early, you can avoid becoming the one thatโs doing all the work. Instead, you can fall for someone whoโs willing to meet you halfway and be the one by your side, rather than the one you have to carry.
Read: The White Knight Syndrome: Understanding and Overcoming It
Here are 5 signs youโll end up playing the rescuer in relationships (and how to stop this before it even starts):
1. Youโre All Too Quick To Say โYesโ To Any Request.
One of the main reasons that you are a rescuer in relationships is that you have a โyesโ problem. Whenever someone asks you to do something, or something falls into your lap you jump at the opportunity.
Rather than weighing out if you even have the capacity to complete the task, or think through whether or not itโs feasible with your time and schedule, youโre already committing. And this causes people to rely on you more than they should.
2. You Havenโt Created Clear Boundaries.
You have a big heart, sometimes too big in the fact that youโll sacrifice yourself to help someone out. What youโre often lacking in your relationships are boundaries. This goes beyond saying โnoโ to things you donโt agree withโitโs about having limits in place for what you can and canโt handle, or what you can and canโt do.
Boundaries arenโt wrong. In fact, theyโre healthy. And if you recognize that you havenโt really set clear ones, or are pushing the line to put someone elseโs needs first, itโs a clear sign youโll end up being the one carrying the weight.
3. You Tend To Be Wishy-Washy About Your Commitments, Beliefs, Or Perspectives.
If youโre not set on what you think, believe, and want to do, youโre going to end up changing your mind. While itโs not necessarily bad to change your mind or be persuaded to think in a new way, it does become healthy if youโre losing yourself in the process.
Youโll end up becoming the rescuer in your relationships if youโre not clear about what you want or believe. Since you wonโt establish that (for others and even more importantly, for yourself) youโll lose yourself completely in the connection.
4. You Like To Take Control Of The Situation, Even When Itโs Not Yours To Own.
A sure sign youโll end up playing the rescuer in your relationships is when youโre always the one to take control. When a situation falls apart, youโre the first person to step in. when something doesnโt go right, youโre the one that puts it all on your shoulders.
This not only leaves you feeling empty and exhausted, but teaches others that they donโt have to take responsibility for what they doโyou will.
Read: Are You A Caregiver or Codependent Caretaker?
5. Youโve Found Yourself Saying, โI Can Do It,โ Or โIโve Got This,โ Rather Than Properly Delegating The Load.
Delegating is definitely not your strong suit.
Youโd rather do everything yourself than rely on someone else. But this makes people lose their sense of drive and the load all falls on youโa sure sign youโll end up being the fixer when everything falls apart.
And Hereโs How To Avoid Becoming The โRescuerโ:
If you donโt want to end up being the savior, itโs all about setting your standards from the start. Communicate your wants, needs, and ideas before fully committing to a relationship. Be transparent about whatโs important to you and make sure that the person you fall for is capable of carrying his or her own weight.
While you donโt have to hold people at armโs length, you do have to be clear and confident. Itโs not wrong to care about people, but you shouldnโt have to save, fix, or rescue them. They are capable of doing that for themselves.
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