Married Men And Women Confess Why They Stopped Having Sex with Each Other
$ex is an integral part of any romantic relationship. Most couples crave love and intimacy while they are at a marriage or a live-in relationship.
But things can get untoward in a cozy relationship with a partner unwilling to have sex or with other problems cropping up. The romance and passion may lose its sheen and the lust for more seems a thing from the past.
Here are 15 excerpts why people in relationships have fallen apart due to lack of Sex:
Case Study 1:
โWeโve been together since the mid 80s, so thereโs that. I still find her very attractive, but she has 0 interests.
Until last fall we were still doing it, but over the past four or five years it had gotten to the point where I could tell she was only doing it for me, and I began to feel as though I was essentially raping her.
I never forced myself on her, but her lack of enthusiasm (to the point of curling up when facing me so I could not see or touch her breasts or vagina) made me feel like a total creep. I was frank with her.
She claims she wants to continue, but I just donโt believe it.
If I made her dinner every night and she hardly touched it, over time I would get the impression she didnโt like my cooking.
Why make the effort if itโs not wanted?
Thatโs how I feel. So Iโm done.โ
Here are 5 parts that are why she is refusing to get intimate with you. Read Is She Refusing To Get Intimate With You? Access These 5 Things
Case Study 2:
My wife has been like this since Iโve known her, it being much worse as time passes. Weโve been together 16 years so not as long as yourselves, but there have always been issues there, so I guess Iโve been wrestling with the feelings that you are getting from here for at least a decade or so.
That feeling of โraping herโ Iโve had that happen several times, where they are verbally encouraging you but their body is straining to eject you from its premise.
Even when things are working there is always a forearm or leg or something providing constant back pressure against me to clear her space. That feeling that you are never quite invited in.
She is completely unaware she is doing it unless I point it out, and even then she struggles to stop pushing away, it is basically a reflex. Anyway, for a long while I felt like shit about myself.
Like I remember my exโs when I was younger how they were basically an instrument I could play skillfully to make them play all sorts of notes, my wife is basically like some puzzle box filled with traps that will snap shut if you make one millimeter of movement in the wrong direction.
I donโt know if you guys have talked about it at all or tried to get to the bottom of it. After many years of being good talkers I think I at least get to the mental process going on there.
For her it stems from a horrible body image. In high school before I knew her she had an eating disorder, and since Iโve known her she has never had any eating issues (thank god for me) the mental process of someone with an eating disorder is firmly installed.
She is disgusted by her body. So the thought of having her clothes off already is a big issue.
In her day to day she will use a towel while changing after a shower so she doesnโt have to see herself.Just a glimpse will put her in a bad mood, so having to do that to be intimate is already the first nail in the coffin.
Now when you are pleasing your partner and kissing them anywhere?
Well, it draws attention their attention to their body. If you hate everywhere on your body, you arenโt making them feel good, but instead making them aware of everything they hate about themselves. Foreplay is torture, not fun.
On top of this your wife loves you. She hates what she is doing to you, because she can see and feel your frustration. She wants to be the woman you want her to be, to just do this thing that should be easy, but she canโt.
This is what my wife is going through in her head. Everybody is now conditioned for disaster in the bedroom.
Turning up emotions you bury during the date, confronting your hurt body image, disappointing your husband, the feeling of not being able to be โnormalโ for him, that one hour TV program certainly sounds like a nicer way to de-stress than dealing with all that.
This is basically my life. I have no clue how to turn off my desire to be intimate, nor do I know how to turn off my frustration, or stop feeling down and angry when an increasingly long period of time passes without intimacy.
Meanwhile, I donโt know what to do when I do feel angry or hurt when I get pushed away one more time, she gets pissed off at me for being over sensitive because she doesnโt even notice that she is shoving me off her even from a casual hug, so to her it looks like I randomly fly off the handle for no reason.
And her anger is just frustration at herself, like she screwed up again, more fuel for the fire of self-hatred. Thing is we work really well as a couple and friends up until it is time to be intimate.
So, the bedroomโs broken. Alright, well, nothing else is, and there is a lot of stuff in that other stuff that could suck, but it doesnโt here.
It has always been this way with us, so close, yet so far really. So my way of dealing with it is, well increasingly sophisticated porn on one end, and well, being resigned, stop imagining it could be better and pretending it sucks so much, stop blaming that as a reason anytime Iโm upset, all that.
Live my life, donโt let that define me.
I donโt know why I vented so much it just felt so similar to my situation and the feelings Iโve had over the years about it. My advice to you might be that you have a foundation of it all working to go on, so somethingโs happened with her, somethingโs changed.
I think if you seek professional help, and try to talk to each other without being angry about what you want, you can get to the bottom of it, you guys can fix it, and you guys can get back to it.
I know you can that history you have, itโs there, and it isnโt gone. I will tell you what sucks is you canโt dump the anger you have on her; you canโt make her feel bad, even though she is ripping your soul out.
There reason you canโt is that you are just going to pile on to the issues she has; you already have seen that it doesnโt work.
You need to save that anger and rage for your friends and the internet, because it has to come out, but it wonโt be productive in healing.
I say this full well knowing that I have failed at this many times, but it is the goal to strive for.
I am very willing to bet the issue has nothing to do with sex or you, and everything to do with whatever your wife is currently though, loss of control, self-doubt, hormonal change, alteration of medications/birth control.
But have a talk, head this off, you can fix it. I know you can.
Read 21 Signs Your Partner Isnโt Interested In The Relationship
Case Study 3:
That sucks. Itโs awful. But thank you for writing this and helping me to remember some of the harder times with my recent ex, as I sit here feeling lonely and thinking about her.
She would do the โverbally encourage, but reject physicallyโ thing as well, so I just kind of turned off to our $ex life, which was not healthy at all for us as a couple
Case Study 4:
We got married and had kids.
Case Study 5:
โEasiest way to scale back your $ex life? Get married.
Easiest way is to reduce it to twice a year? Have kids.โ
Case Study 6:
My wife decided three years ago sex is too โicky.โ
Case Study 7:
โMy wife decided three years ago sex is too โicky.โ
No discussion no easing into it. Nope, not anymore!โ
Our marriage isnโt going well.โ
Case Study 8:
He likes to finger keyboards more than my vagina.
Case Study 9:
โSimply put, we hate each other and cheat regularly, but we also have a dynamic that nobody can ever replace and love each other for that.โ
Case Study 10:
โMy wife has so many excuses for us not having sex that I canโt name them all.
Every suggestion I offer to help her get into the moodโshot down.
About to hit the three-year mark for no $ex, and next week is our 10th anniversary.โ
Case Study 11:
โHonestly weโre both just not attractive anymore. Better to masturbateโ.
Case Study 12:
Iโm not in love anymore and I want out.
Case Study 13:
โWeโre both on anti-depressants which have totally messed with our $ex drives.โ
Case Study 14:
โWeโre both on anti-depressants which have totally messed with our $ex drives. Weโve been together 11 years and we were both on them before we met.
She has never really had much of a sex drive and I did a little bit but Iโve gotten on more pills in the last few months which has driven it down a little.
She can have orgasms, which Iโm thankful for, so when we do have longer sex sessions, it means more and I donโt feel inadequate about being the only one getting anything.
When I was in school last year we went on a big stretch from September until December without doing it and even after then, weโve probably done it 3-5 times.โ
Case Study 15:
โMy ex used to use $ex as a way to get what she wantedโ. Used to use it as a tool to manipulate (Sheโs a certified narcissist) after about a year together I caught on.
I completely stopped initiating $ex I would go rub one out. She could come to me whenever she wanted but I would never initiate.
This went on for 4 years before I figured out you canโt have a relationship with a narcissist. Itโs all given, no give and take.โ
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