5 Reasons You End Up Playing The Rescuer In Relationships Every Time

Are you always playing the role of a rescuer in relationships?ย 

Willing to help others and motivate yourself to see the good in others cannot be a wrong thing? Right? But this compassionate gesture can be harmful to their welfare when others feel that they can manipulate you, especially to perform the role of a rescuer in relationships. Because you tend to gravitate towards helping your partner out, in whatever situation to the extent of making excuses for their toxic behavior.

If youโ€™re an empathetic person, more often than not, you see the good in people. Although youโ€™ve been burned before, youโ€™re all too willing to put the past behind you because you think that people will either change or be different than the last relationship you were in.

While this is a good perspective to some extent, what often happens is that you end up playing the rescuer in relationships. Rather than leaving your partner to fend for himself/herself, you swoop in. You are the savior, the caretaker, the fixer.

You are empathetic, yes, but to a fault sometimes.

You donโ€™t have to live this way, though. If you recognize the signs early, you can avoid becoming the one thatโ€™s doing all the work. Instead, you can fall for someone whoโ€™s willing to meet you halfway and be the one by your side, rather than the one you have to carry.

Read: The White Knight Syndrome: Understanding and Overcoming It

Here are 5 signs youโ€™ll end up playing the rescuer in relationships (and how to stop this before it even starts):

1. Youโ€™re All Too Quick To Say โ€˜Yesโ€™ To Any Request.

Rescuer in relationships

One of the main reasons that you are a rescuer in relationships is that you have a โ€˜yesโ€™ problem. Whenever someone asks you to do something, or something falls into your lap you jump at the opportunity.

Rather than weighing out if you even have the capacity to complete the task, or think through whether or not itโ€™s feasible with your time and schedule, youโ€™re already committing. And this causes people to rely on you more than they should.

2. You Havenโ€™t Created Clear Boundaries.

You have a big heart, sometimes too big in the fact that youโ€™ll sacrifice yourself to help someone out. What youโ€™re often lacking in your relationships are boundaries. This goes beyond saying โ€˜noโ€™ to things you donโ€™t agree withโ€”itโ€™s about having limits in place for what you can and canโ€™t handle, or what you can and canโ€™t do.

Boundaries arenโ€™t wrong. In fact, theyโ€™re healthy. And if you recognize that you havenโ€™t really set clear ones, or are pushing the line to put someone elseโ€™s needs first, itโ€™s a clear sign youโ€™ll end up being the one carrying the weight.

3. You Tend To Be Wishy-Washy About Your Commitments, Beliefs, Or Perspectives.

If youโ€™re not set on what you think, believe, and want to do, youโ€™re going to end up changing your mind. While itโ€™s not necessarily bad to change your mind or be persuaded to think in a new way, it does become healthy if youโ€™re losing yourself in the process.

Youโ€™ll end up becoming the rescuer in your relationships if youโ€™re not clear about what you want or believe. Since you wonโ€™t establish that (for others and even more importantly, for yourself) youโ€™ll lose yourself completely in the connection.

4. You Like To Take Control Of The Situation, Even When Itโ€™s Not Yours To Own.

A sure sign youโ€™ll end up playing the rescuer in your relationships is when youโ€™re always the one to take control. When a situation falls apart, youโ€™re the first person to step in. when something doesnโ€™t go right, youโ€™re the one that puts it all on your shoulders.

This not only leaves you feeling empty and exhausted, but teaches others that they donโ€™t have to take responsibility for what they doโ€”you will.

Read: Are You A Caregiver or Codependent Caretaker?

5. Youโ€™ve Found Yourself Saying, โ€œI Can Do It,โ€ Or โ€œIโ€™ve Got This,โ€ Rather Than Properly Delegating The Load.

Delegating is definitely not your strong suit.

Youโ€™d rather do everything yourself than rely on someone else. But this makes people lose their sense of drive and the load all falls on youโ€”a sure sign youโ€™ll end up being the fixer when everything falls apart.

And Hereโ€™s How To Avoid Becoming The โ€˜Rescuerโ€™:

If you donโ€™t want to end up being the savior, itโ€™s all about setting your standards from the start. Communicate your wants, needs, and ideas before fully committing to a relationship. Be transparent about whatโ€™s important to you and make sure that the person you fall for is capable of carrying his or her own weight.

While you donโ€™t have to hold people at armโ€™s length, you do have to be clear and confident. Itโ€™s not wrong to care about people, but you shouldnโ€™t have to save, fix, or rescue them. They are capable of doing that for themselves.


5 Signs Youโ€™ll End Up Playing The Rescuer In Your Relationships
5 Signs Youโ€™ll End Up Playing The Rescuer In Your Relationships
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