19 Do’s And Don’ts Of Talking With A Child About Death

 / 

, ,

Talking with a child about death is probably one of the toughest things an adult can do. And even more so, if it’s your own child. However, talking with a child about death can be a bit easier to do, if you know how to go about it. Read parenting tips to help grieving children.

It’s never easy to deal with death. As adults, it overwhelms us. And it’s even harder for children to move through. Though we know it’s an inevitable part of life, talking about death is something most of us aren’t really good at because the subject is so painful.

As many of us know, death occurs in many ways. It may be sudden, expected, prolonged, or accidental. Part of the experience is finding ways to express what’s happened, to make sense of what’s happened, and finally, to accept what’s happened.

Here are some parenting tips to help you talk about death with your child.

Related: How To Deal With Death and Dying As You Age

The Do’s and Don’ts of Talking with a Child about Death

Do’s

1. Tell the truth about what happened right away.

The truth gives an explanation for your tears and pain. Being open and emotional can help your child learn how to mourn.

2. Be prepared for a variety of emotional responses. 

Realize that however you approach this subject, your child will be upset, and perhaps, even angry at the loss. Accept your child’s emotional reactions. You will have time to address things again after your child’s had time to process the initial trauma.

talking to a child about death

3. Make sure to use the words dead or died. 

Many find using the words dead or died uncomfortable – and prefer using phrases like, passed away, lost, crossed over, went to sleep – but research shows that using realistic words to describe death helps the grieving process.

4. Share information in doses. 

Gauge what your child can handle by giving information in small bits at a time. You’ll know what more to do based on the questions your child asks.

Related: The Stages Of Grief: Ways To Cope With Loss and Minimize The Pain

5. Be comfortable saying, “I don’t know.” 

Having all the answers is never easy, especially during a time of such heartache. It’s helpful to tell your child that you may not know about certain things, like, “How did grandpa die?” “What happens to Aunt Rita at the funeral home?” “What made Spike run into the street, Mommy?” or other unanswerable questions.

6. Cry. 

Cry together. Cry often. It’s healthy and healing.

7. Allow your child to participate in rituals. 

Let children pick clothing for your loved one, photos for the memorial, a song, or spiritual reading. This will help them gain a sense of control of the traumatic loss.

8. Let your child grieve in his or her own way. 

Allow your child to be silent about the death. It’s also natural for a child to feel lonely and isolate themselves at this time too. It’s also common for children to seem unaffected by the loss. There is no right way to grieve.

9. Prepare your child for what they will see in the funeral home or service. 

Tell children what they will see, who will be there, how people may be feeling and what they will be doing. For young children, be specific in your descriptions of what the surroundings will look like.

For example, describe the casket and clothes and that the body will be posed. Or if it’s a memorial service, talk about where the body is, if it’s been cremated, in a closed coffin, or already buried. Bring along someone to care for the child if you are distraught.

Related: How To Deal With Grief: This Old Man Gave An Incredible Reply

10. Prepare your child for the future without your loved one. 

Talk about how it will feel to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, and special moments without your loved one. Ask your child to help plan how to move through the next calendar event.

11. Prepare to talk about thoughts and feelings often. 

It is likely that you’ll have to tend to the subject of death for days, weeks, and months to come. Check-in and be available for ongoing discussions since mourning is a process.

12. Remember to take care of yourself. 

As parents, we sometimes forget about taking care of ourselves during this time. Children learn what they see, so be a role model for self-care at this critical time.

talking with a child about death

Don’ts

1. Don’t hide your grief from your child. 

Seeing you grieve during and long after your loved one’s death will let the child know that it’s normal and healthy to cry and feel sad after a significant loss.

2. Don’t be afraid to share memories of your loved one.

Sometimes parents feel afraid to talk about the person who has died, thinking it will cause pain to others. Research shows that the pain of re-living memories or sharing stories actually aids in healing and closure.

3. Don’t avoid connecting with your child because you feel helpless or uncomfortable, or don’t know what to say. 

Sometimes a knowing look can be a powerful connection. Even a touch or a hug can offer great comfort.

Related: 8 Things You Should Never Say To Someone Who Is Grieving

4. Don’t change the subject when your child comes into the room. 

Doing so places a mark of taboo on the subject of death. Instead, adjust your wording and level of information when a child is present.

5. Don’t change your daily routine. 

Children need consistency. Try as much as possible to keep your usual daily routines at home and at work. Also, try to ensure that your child continues to take part in their usual activities like school and social events.

6. Don’t think that death puts a ban on laughter. 

Laughter is a great healing tool. Being about to laugh about memories or moments with your loved one signals just how important their presence was in your life.

7. Don’t put a time limit on your child’s bereavement – or your own.

Everyone grieves in their own way. Recognize that a new normal will have to occur – and that time is needed to readjust to a significant death.

Related: Grief Has No Expiration Date; You Don’t Need to Feel Guilty for Your Sadness

If you need additional support, reach out to your child’s school, physician, or religious community. Professional help with a mental health therapist trained in bereavement can be sought as well.

Want to know more about how you should go about talking with a child about death? Check this video out below!


Written By Deborah Serani 
Originally Published On Psychology Today 
Dos Donts Talking With Child About Death pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

When Grandparents’ Love Goes Sour: 8 Signs Of Toxic Grandparents And How To Survive Them

Signs Of Toxic Grandparents

Have you ever noticed certain behaviors that make you wonder if your grandparents’ love might be a little… off? Spotting the signs of toxic grandparents can be tough, especially when society paints them as the ultimate source of unconditional love and support.

But sometimes, grandparents might cross boundaries, show favoritism, or create a stressful environment that doesn’t quite feel right. If you’ve ever felt uneasy about their behavior, you’re not alone.

In this article, we’ll dive into the subtle and not-so-subtle signs of toxic grandparents and give you some strategies regarding how to deal with toxic grandparents, without causing family drama.

First, let us try to understand what are toxic grandparents.

Up Next

Unlocking The Pain Of The Past: 10 Signs Of Repressed Childhood Trauma In Adults

Ever find yourself reacting strongly to situations and not quite sure why? Either you hear echoes of your past, or it’s probably because you listen to your inner child. In this article, we’re delving into the signs of repressed childhood trauma in adults – those subtle whispers from your younger self that can shape your present.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Up Next

The Hidden Toll of Childhood Emotional Incest: Identifying Signs and Effects

Emotional incest confuses parent-child dynamics, creating emotional dependency. Let’s look at the signs and effects of this incomprehensible relationship to gain a better understanding.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Emotional incest has been compared to actual incest because it similarly creates long-lasting effects on psychosocial developme

Up Next

How To Create A Toddler-Friendly Home: 10 Helpful Tips For New Parents!

Bringing a toddler to your house can be both exciting and challenging. As soon as they begin taking notice of their surroundings, the environment in which they dwell must be secure, comfortable, and conducive to growth.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

It is important to learn how to create a toddler-friendly home because this will provide them with holistic development o

Up Next

How to Become Pregnant with PCOS: 6 Proven Strategies For A Promising Start

Generally, women who have polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) get problems in conceiving a child and starting a family. If you suffer from this condition of PCOS then we recommend you to take up this manual on how to become pregnant with PCOS. 

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

According to American Families’

Up Next

Why Do I Hate My Father? 8 Effective Ways to Mend Your Relationship

“Why do I hate my father?” – if you have ever asked yourself this question, then trust me, you are not alone. Not having a good relationship with your father is one of the most painful things to experience in life.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Father-child relationships can be really complicated in many cases, and it’s normal to feel a mix of emotions. Whethe

Up Next

5 Steps To Raise An Emotionally Intelligent Child

Raising an emotionally intelligent child can seem challenging, but honestly, it doesn’t have to be. This article is going to talk about the importance of nurturing emotional intelligence in children, and how it can help them thrive emotionally, as well as socially.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});