As far as online dating is concerned, it can be thrilling, interesting, and disappointing in equal measures; it all depends on what kind of men you are interacting with. You will come across many red flags in the world of online dating, and thatโs how you will be able to differentiate between the good ones and the not-so good ones.
You can learn a lot about a man by reading between the lines of his email.
Pay attention to his tone. Is his script negative and complaining? Itโs a sign heโs jaded, he has anger issues with his ex or he plain doesnโt respect women.
Does he try too hard to impress you? He has an ulterior motive; heโs a player, a scammer or serial dater.
Does he boast and brag? Itโs a sign of insecurity or a red flag of a self-absorbed narcissist. Either way, you need to pass on him.
Is he vague about who he is and his past? Heโs hiding something, maybe a wife or girlfriend, financial problems, or a jillion other personal problems.ย ย
Bottom-line, if a manโs message pings your gut, itโs your intuition trying to warn you, this guy may be bad news.ย ย
That being said, there are newly divorced and widowed quality men on dating sites who are genuinely looking for a woman with whom to share their lives. They havenโt dated in decades and they may come off as goofy and clumsy in their emails and text messages. Give these guys a chance to prove their salt before passing judgment.
Here are some of my recent messages from men who are insincere, dishonest and predatoryโand how I responded.
Note: misspellings, typos, bad punctuation, and heinous grammar belong to the original writer.
Here Are 10 Red Flags in Man Messages To Watch Out For When Dating Online
1. The Time-Waster.
FitforFun&Sun emailed me saying, โI loved your profile. I would love to get to know you better.โ
He was handsome enough and his bio was seemingly intelligent. I emailed him back and he never asked to meet me, he instead generated a series of conversational messages.
Ladies, unless you want a pen-pal, tell the man, who wastes your time with endless emails, thanks but no thanks.
Related: 5 Warning Signs Your Internet Relationship Is Not Real
2. The Creep.
StartingOver messaged me a couple of 2-liners, asking me did I like to cook and what were my favorites things to cook, and then he invited himself over to my house for a home-cooked meal.
โI would like to try your cooking, it is probably better [than taking me to a restaurant!], I can bring a favorite beverage of yours if you like.โ
Seriously!
I replied: โFYI: itโs not polite or appropriate to ask yourself over for dinner on first meeting. Or even the second or third. Wait for a woman to invite you over. I wish you the best in your journey.โ
3. The Wimp.
LawyerMan and I met for drinks and we had a lovely timeโand then I didnโt hear from him again. Weeks later he sent me a text message, Hi, Would you like to get together again.
โSure,โ I replied. โI thought we got along fabulous.โ I didnโt hear back from him; 4 weeks later he sent me Valentineโs greeting.
I replied, โSo glad to hear from you. I thought you had died and gone to heaven.โ
โNo, not dead,โ he replied.
I think the lawyer truly liked me but, in all honesty, I believe he was intimidated by my confidence.
Next!
Want to know more about the red flags in online dating? Check this video out below:
4. The Hacker.
โHi Beautiful, This is for your eyes only, I just wanted you to see what I look like in these new outfits. Let me know what you think after viewing the pics. Here is the link match.com gave me, so you can view the pics because the resolution is much for match.com. Let me know if itโs cool or not.โ
I couldnโt resist; I clicked on the link (which was non-existent) and my Match.com account was hacked, sending the same bogus message to dozens of strange online men who in turn, emailed me (thinking I was sending them a flirtatious, salacious message) and their accounts were also hacked, generating the same message to others.
Donโt click on links sent to you by strange men.
Related: The Reason Why Falling In Love Online Doesnโt Count
5. The Ignorance.
โYa look like a friend dear!! Iโm Swain Schaefer on Facebook. Iโma kinda halfway repaired halfway retardedโฆI ainโt gotta do nada I donโt wanna. I love musicians and can pick my workโฆneet. Iโm an octopus. I play sessions, play at ole folks homes (ya think WEโRE โLONG IN THE TOOTHโ. REALLY GIVES MY LIFE PURPOSE..YOUโLL HAFTA TAG ALONG/ Ooop, I volunteer at play gigsโฆWas touring w. Delbert McClintonโฆthe pointer Sistuhs till they couldnโt great..decades-long gigโฆ SOโฆyew talk somehow bout it? Swain
For obvious reasons, I ignored his message and two weeks later he wrote:
โU never got back in touch. Why??โ
6. The Interrogator.
Brad wrote, โSo you have that creative thang going on? And you have defied the aging process! Where are you from originally? How have you evolved? Have you been in therapy? Too many questions from a complete and total stranger? Bradโ
Yes, Brad, too many questions.
7. The No-Show.
TigerTerry123 showed a sincere interest in me and after a couple of lively back-and-forth emails, he invited me to meet him for a happy hour cocktail. We set a time and place and he emailed, โSee you there Nancy! Bring that smile, love it!!!โ
An hour before our evening meeting, he emailed, โNancy, I need to pass this evening. Can you do Friday or Saturday?โ Followed with, โJust leaving the office. Hope you arenโt angry. Really do want to meet you.โ
His last-minute cancellation was rude and unacceptable. I emailed him, โTom. No. Not angry. But I turned down an invitation to meet you and canceling an hour prior to our date was inconvenient. Nancy.โ
He apologized and ask to meet me the following week, saying, โCanโt wait. Ok, I will be there. I promise!!!
The day of our meeting he emailed me, โI apologize, I am not going to be able to make it this evening.โ
I emailed him, โGood luck on your journey.โ
Related: How To Spot A Man Who Breaks His Promises and What To Do If Youโre Dating One
8. The Con Artist.
Con artists want you to immediately go IM (instant messaging) and get your personal email and phone number. They want to obtain personal information about you quickly so he adapts his conversation to meet your needs, tug at your heart and gain control of you.
Barry emailed, โYour profile popped up on the last day of my subscription. great pics your a very beautiful lady. I decided to send you this short message.ย Iโm am handsome, tall, a gentleman, financially secure, Iโve lived all over the world. I would love to get to know you more and betterย but I am not renewing my subscription. If you donโt mind Here is my ID on Yahoo IM ( barrycares2016 ) feel free to mail me on barrycares2016/@yahoo.com. I will be waiting to hear back from you. Have a great day! Barryโ
Donald wrote, โHello, I hope this email finds you in good health. I was online today and about closing my account since I already got a life partner here on match dating, that was when my cousin came across your profile as he was actually standing behind me, heโs been all over me about getting in touch with you.
He said you seem like a woman he will like to know better. He lives in your area and he is only here for a visit. You donโt need to write back here as I will be deactivating my account on the site. His direct email is jamesoswin247 at GMAIL C O M I hope you get in touch with him and I promise you wonโt regret anything. My warms regardsโฆDonaldโ
These guys are romance artists looking for their next victim.
9. The Anonymous Man.
Alphaman101 does not have a photo and he sends: Hi, youโre very pretty and I would like to get to know you better. Allen
A man without a photo does not deserve a reply, but if you feel you must, you can reply, โI appreciate your message but I donโt give out my personal email to strangers or correspondence to people without photos.
10. The Cheating Man.
Signs of married men and cheaters:
They donโt post a photo, or they post a fake photo or the photo is clearly dated, dark or blurry (he doesnโt want anyone to recognize him.) They are unwilling to provide additional photos, claiming he doesnโt have current photos.
They will message you on a dating site and when you click on his profile to check him out, he has already hidden his profile so no one can see him.
They pursue women who live in another state. Heย tells you heโs relocating to an area near you and that heโs getting a โjump-startโ on his new social life. Heโs plotting long-distance affairs to hide his infidelity.
Related: Whatโs The RIGHT Dating Etiquette?
RUTiredofFrogs send this smokescreen:
โHi, Hope this finds you doing well. Beautiful photo of you. I am sorry I do not have one and have not completed my profile. I decided not to because of my position in the bank. But would gladly email you one. If I may I will at least describe myself. My name is John. I have been in banking for over 30 years. I am a single white male age 55. Never married, just never found the one, and as you get older that gets harder to find.
Brown hair, with some gray coming in. Blue / green eyes. Non-smoker. 6-00 tall, Firm, tone, athletic, muscular body, muscular chest, ( . ) ( . ) big pecs lol. I enjoy swimming, working out, weights and water weights, snuggle, cuddle, massage, hot tubs, readings, movies, history, museums, arts, music, weekend getaways, travel, sports, sun, water, I am attracted to older mature women, they are more stable, easy to talk to and know what they want. I am about an hour from Louisville. Love coming over to the city, Hope to hear from you. Sincerely John xoxoโ
These guys are not worth your time and energy of a reply.
ExecWorldTraveler:ย Don posted his age as 65; looking at the one bald headshot he was pushing 80. His essay was 668 words without a paragraph break (gasp!). He tried desperately to convince me he was a wealthy, successful, influential man. (I have condensed his extremely verbose email.)
โI am a retired corporate executive and recent widower, financially independent, with residences in Nashville TN & Denver CO, who loves to visit the worldโs great cities and enjoys concerts, art museums, movies, theater, fine restaurants, daily workouts, and day hikes. Extremely family oriented with 3 successful children, all Ivy Leaguers with graduate degrees, who all, unfortunately, live on the West Coast, which is why I keep a place in Portland.
I was very lucky from a financial viewpoint in my 35-year corporate life so I strongly believe in giving back now to charity and also to my children and needy relatives. I feel strongly that parents/grandparents if at all financially possible, should pay for school tuition for their children/grandchildren and should be helped with their major medical expenses and even given help in purchasing their homes, etc. but like Warren Buffett, I believe that children/grandchildren should be given/inherit only enough money to be able to work at jobs at which they want to work and not so much money that they lose the motivation to work.
I also believe in family vacations paid for by parents/grandparents. My family does annual winter vacations in Hawaii and these fond memories of family vacations have been shown by studies done by the Greater Good Science Center affiliated with the Psychology Department of Cal-Berkeley to create far more happiness than the accumulation of expensive cars and the like. Personally.
I am a very young 65, indeed I am by far the oldest one in my social group (aged 45 to 53) due to not having children until my late 30s/early 40s. JOB UPDATE: After 5 yrs of full retirement, I just accepted a $1/year part-time job as Senior Advisor to my long-term boss/mentor (one of Nashvilleโs leading philanthropists).โ
This guyโs profile reeks of insincerity, narcissism and cock-and-bull stories.ย
Written by Nancy Nichols Originally appeared on KnowItNancy.com
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