Every man you come across seems to disappoint you, and every time you open up your heart, you end up getting hurt. All you want is someone who will love you the way you love them, so why is it that you end up with a broken heart every time you say to yourself โThis time itโs going to work. Heโs not like the other men Iโve dated.โ?
If youโre someone who always ends up falling for emotionally unavailable men, then maybe you need to look deep within yourself and try to understand why this keeps on happening. Being with an emotionally unavailable man can be a heartbreaking thing to experience; emotional distance is not something that anybody would want in a relationship.ย
You might be unintentionally and unknowingly making some dating mistakes that are drawing in emotionally unavailable men to you. But the good news is that, once you realize what it is youโre doing, youโll be able to work on it and make sure that you finally have a man in your life who doesnโt shy away from opening up his heart to you.ย
6 Reasons Why You Attract Emotionally Unavailable Men
1. You are okay with it when his words and actions donโt align with each other.ย
He makes you feel like the most special person in the world and whenever you speak with him, you feel like you have hit the jackpot. For him, youโre amazing, lovely, and nothing short of perfect. Wasnโt this what you always wanted in a man? Someone who will make you feel like the most amazing person in this whole, wide world?
But the thing is, no matter how much he might flatter you by saying the right things, he never follows through with any of it. He will make grand plans with you, but will โnever have the timeโ to even meet you. He wants to go on a romantic dinner date with you but always bails at the last moment. If this keeps on happening over and over again, then itโs pretty clear that the man you are dating is emotionally unavailable.ย
If he only talks the talk but never walks the walk, then, unfortunately, he is not interested in you nor is he keen on being in a serious relationship with you. It might also mean that he is keeping you as his side chick, for the times when he will need his ego to be stroked.ย
Related: 10 Reasons Why Your Man Avoids Getting Emotionally Attached To You
2. You feel you can โchangeโ him into a โbetterโ man.
Whenever you have this thought, that you can โfixโ a man and transform him into who YOU need him to be, then take it as a sign that youโre with the wrong person. There are many women out there who believe that they can change emotionally unavailable men into men who are wellโฆnot emotionally unavailable, but this is where they go wrong. And if youโre one of them, then youโre in for a rude shock.ย
Men who donโt want to change will never change, no matter how hard you try. An emotionally detached man who doesnโt want to engage with you emotionally, no amount of coaxing or fixing can make them do that. The only person who can make him more emotionally unavailable is the man himself.ย
Deep down inside, if he doesnโt want to be emotionally open with you, and give you that important place in his life, no power in this world can change that. Unless he decides that he WANTS to change, thereโs really nothing you can do, and the more you try, the more disappointed you will be.
3. You think just because heโs attracted to you, he wants to be committed to you.ย
This is a mistake a lot of women make, misjudging a manโs attraction as his willingness to be in a serious relationship with them. Even though this is not a weird, inappropriate, or unnatural reaction, to be honest, sometimes thinking like this too soon is not necessarily the right way to go.ย
He might be attracted to you, but that doesnโt mean that he wants to be in a relationship with you. Men have the ability to separate sex from emotional intimacy, and they can sleep with you without having any sort of deep feelings for you. So assuming that just because they are physically attracted to you, they might also be emotionally attached to you, can be a misconception. Especially when it comes to emotionally unavailable men.ย
So yeah, he might take you out on dates every weekend, but sadly, this might not mean much, except that he is just physically attracted to you. And if you donโt understand this dynamic and keep on expecting something else from him, you are the one who is going to end up with a broken heart.
So what should you do in a situation like this? Accept the fact that the physical and emotional aspects in the equation might not be related at all. An emotionally detached man can sleep with you without having any feelings for you whatsoever, so itโs better not to get your hopes up just after going on a few dates.ย
Related: 5 Common Dating Rules That Make You Attract Unavailable Partners
4. You ignore all the glaring red flags because you desperately want to be in a relationship with him.ย
All the red flags are in front of you and are screaming at you to take notice. But youโre so smitten by him and blinded by your need to be in a relationship with him, that you keep on ignoring them.
Some of the disturbing red flags that you should never ignore are as follows:
- He never introduces you to his family and friends and treats you like a secret.ย
- He cancels on you often, even if he is the one who made plans to see you.
- He is very charismatic and is a smooth-talker.ย
- He gets nervous and agitated whenever you try to talk to him about the future.ย
- He gets angry at the drop of a hat.ย
- He can be very controlling whenever you try to stand up for yourself and try to talk about what you expect from him.ย
- He ghosts you for long periods of time and then comes back suddenly as if nothing happened.ย ย
- He tells you that he is not very good with serious relationships, and would rather just be friends with benefits.
If you find these red flags or even some of these red flags then you should run and never look back, because this kind of a man will never give you what youโre looking for. Emotionally unavailable men only care about their own needs, and they could care less about your happiness.ย
These red flags should be enough to make you understand that the man youโre pining for is never going to give you the love youโre looking for. So do yourself a favor, and stop ignoring these humongous red flags.ย
5. You think he is adventurous and spontaneous, whereas he just doesnโt care to make an effort.ย
Sometimes what you might mistake as romance and adventure is only just a lack of effort. When a man is genuinely interested in you and sees a future with you, he will want to spend all of his time with you; itโs that simple. But if heโs not, then he is not really interested in you as much as youโre in him.ย
Emotionally unavailable men are experts at disguising their lack of effort and disinterest as spontaneity and romance. Did he ask you out on a date after two weeks of radio silence? He suddenly turned up at your place late at night, because he wasnโt feeling good and just wanted to โtalkโ? He โsurprisedโ you with a gift that blew you away, despite the fact that he ignored all your calls and texts through the weekend?
Such men know how to keep you wrapped around their fingers. Itโs not that he is incapable of making an effort, he just doesnโt want to make an effort for YOU. He only cares about his own needs, and he knows you can fulfill them, so he gives you crumbs and keeps you on the hook. Once he realizes that you would be willing to do anything for him, and you donโt need much to be happy, he will use that to his advantage and treat you like a doormat.
Since youโre doing everything he needs without even being his girlfriend, he will continue treating you badly with some sprinkles of โromanceโ thrown in. He will never give you the relationship you expect from him because, in his eyes, youโre not a โchallengeโ he needs to win, and hence not โworth his timeโ.
Want to know more about emotionally unavailable men? Check this video out below!
6. You fall for him despite knowing he will never be in a relationship with you.ย
He has told you explicitly that he is not looking for a relationship right now, and he is just looking to have fun. But you still fall for him and get attached. One of the major signs that youโve fallen for an emotionally unavailable man is when he clearly tells you that he is not looking for a relationship, but you still expect one.ย
You might think that he might change his mind with time, and thatโs why you held onto him, but chances are he wonโt. Whenever a man tells you honestly that he doesnโt want anything serious with you, believe him! Donโt think that you will be able to change his mind and a few months later, BAM! He wants you as his girlfriend. It doesnโt work like that with emotionally unavailable men.
Thereโs no point hurting yourself and getting your heart broken by a man who has already told you that he has got nothing to offer you. Whenever he says anything that is meant to keep you at an armโs distance, believe it and try not to get attached to him. The only one who is going to suffer is you.ย
Related: Loving An Emotionally Detached Man
Falling for emotionally unavailable men is a mistake many women tend to make. Even though you might have your heart in the right place, that wonโt change how they think. So why invest your time and energy in someone who will only give you pain and disappointment? Love and respect yourself enough to know who deserves your love, and who doesnโt.ย
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