Why One Person Cannot Meet All Your Emotional Needs

 / 

,

It isnโ€™t possible for any relationship, especially one person to meet and fulfill all your emotional needs.ย The moment you expect your partner to meet each and every one of your emotional needs, you are propelling the relationship towards disaster.

A popular myth aboutย marriageย is that if someone loves us fully, purely, and unconditionally, we shouldnโ€™t need anyone elseโ€™s love and support. This mistaken notion has been the source of great suffering, disappointment, and disillusionment for many couples.

While marriage can be delightful, healing, challenging, and stimulating, it is sheer fantasy to believe that this relationship alone can fulfill us. We also need friends, satisfying work, healthy solitude, play, and other life experiences to fulfill the needs of our souls. Unrealistic expectations inevitably set us up for disappointment.

While there is only one word for โ€œloveโ€ in the English language, there are over three hundred words describing different types of love in Pali, the language of ancient Buddhism. There are 76 in Persian.

How many kinds of love are there?

For starters, there is parental love, filial love, platonic love, the constant love of aย friend, the love of beauty, the fiery love of a new romance, and the deep and enduring love of a longstanding marriage.

One person cannot possibly love us in all of the ways we need to be loved.

Relieving our partner and ourselves from the obligation to provide for the full range of our love needs brings a truer, stronger, and more sustaining quality of love into our relationship.

The many varieties of love fulfill many different needs within us. A need is anything that is essential to our health and well-being.

Some needs we can meet within ourselves, some can be met only in intimate relationships or committed partnerships, some through other relationships.

If we believe that we can or should be all things for our partner and vice versa, the relationship is probably headed for disaster. Thatโ€™s an impossible burden that no single individual can fulfill, and the expectation itself sets us up for disappointment and failure.

Related: 8 Essential Things Every Strong Woman Needs In A Relationship

This expectation may be a thin disguise for the desire to possess and control the other person, a manipulative strategy that stems from a feeling of insecurity or unworthiness within us. As we become more affirming of our own essential worth and lovability, we no longer need to limit the people with whom we share our love.

The more secure we feel within ourselves, the abler we are to grant our partner the room they need to include other loving relationships into their lives.

Offering thisย generosityย of spirit and the underlying trust that it demonstrates is likely to make us more attractive to our partners and make them appreciate us more. Thisย gratitudeย recycles back to them, as we appreciate their appreciation and feel affirmed as worthy and loving beings.

Thus we complete a self-affirming, positive cycle that replaces the vicious cycle of mistrust that may have previously been operating.

Although such transformations may seem unlikely, we are living proof that they are possible and without question worth the time and effort they require.

Weโ€™re giving away 3 e-books absolutely free of charge.ย The Ten Biggest Things Weโ€™ve Learned Since We Got Married,ย Your Guide to Great Sex, andย An End to Arguing. To receive them just click here.


Written by Linda and Charlie Bloom
Originally appeared in Psychology Today
Why One Person Cannot Meet All Your Emotional Needs
meet emotional needs pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

5 Characteristics Of Codependency And Types Of Codependents

Letโ€™s dive into the world of codependentsโ€™ by exploring the key characteristics of codependency and itโ€™s different types. Ready to get some clarity on this often-misunderstood topic?

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

In todays Best Day Blog article I am going to talk about the two types of codependents and the five traits of codependency.

Up Next

Codependence and Interdependence: What Truly Sets Them Apart?

The question โ€˜What is the difference between codependence and interdependence?โ€™ In reality, it asks whether a relationship is dysfunctional or healthy. Well, in todayโ€™s Best Day Blog, I will be taking you through the differences between the two and how to recover from codependency.

(adsby

Up Next

How to Recognize and Overcome Toxic Codependency: Understanding the Signs and Causes

Does it sometimes seem to you like you cannot function without someone or that they canโ€™t without you? Well, this is called toxic codependency. It happens when relationships become disproportionate and one person depends too heavily on the other for emotional or psychological support. Let us now explore how we can identify and move away from this destructive cycle.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Up Next

5 Unrealistic Expectations In A Relationship That Can Destroy Love

Having unrealistic expectations in a relationship is a sure way to kill it. Itโ€™s like giving importance to illusions more than reality. Do you want your relationship to thrive in the future? Here are 5 things not to do.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Unrealistic

Up Next

Are You A Caretaker Or A Caregiver In Your Relationship? Understand The Difference Between Empathy And Codependency

Ever wondered if youโ€™re kind or codependent? Explore the fine line between empathy and codependency, learn to differentiate caretaking from caregiving, and take a revealing quiz to self-reflect!

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Do you wonder whether youโ€™re a kind, empathetic person or