What You Need to Know About Surviving Infidelity In A Toxic Marriage

 / 

, ,

Surviving a partner’s infidelity can be very difficult but surviving infidelity in a toxic marriage can seem almost impossible.

A toxic marriage is one that is already fraught with all sorts of issues – contempt, fighting, silence, and secrets. When you add infidelity into the mix, it is a recipe for disaster.

Fortunately, there are things that, if you are aware of them, can help you navigate surviving infidelity in a toxic marriage. The path that you will be navigating is an unfamiliar one but one that you can get to end of intact, with some awareness and action.

Here Are 5 Things That Can Help You Survive Infidelity In A Toxic Marriage

1. It’s not about you…

Many people who have been cheated on blame themselves for the infidelity.

They believe that if they had only been nicer or given their partner enough sex or dressed better or lost that 10 pounds that their partner would not have strayed. And this just isn’t the case.

Of course, infidelity doesn’t occur in a void, and marriages that are already toxic are especially vulnerable to cheating, but that doesn’t mean that you are to blame for what happened.

Infidelity happens for many reasons but not usually because your partner looks at you and finds you lacking. Cheating happens because the marriage is damaged and someone else comes along who can temporarily distract one partner from the pain. Infidelity is rarely sought out – it finds us in places that we never expected.

So, first and foremost, you are not to blame for your partner’s infidelity. The responsibility lies squarely on their shoulders. After all, you are in this toxic relationship as well and you never strayed.

Keep this in mind and Surviving Infidelity in a toxic marriage is possible!

Related: 5 Important Boundaries That Can Help Your Marriage Survive Infidelity

2. …but it is up to you.

What is your responsibility is deciding what you are going to do next after discovering your partner’s infidelity? This is a key part of getting through this and something that only you can decide.

You have a number of choices.

  • You can decide to leave. Your relationship is already toxic – is it now beyond repair?
  • You can decide to stay and work on your marriage.
  • You can decide to accept that infidelity might be a part of your marriage going forward and just go about your own life.

Which of these things do you want? Perhaps it’s a combination of things that might work. Perhaps you might opt for therapy with the determination that if it doesn’t help you are gone. Perhaps you might walk away until your spouse gets therapy to figure out their issues. Perhaps you accept the infidelity as long as he agrees to offer you something in return.

The options are there – it is up to you to decide what course to take. If you simply sit around, obsessing about the infidelity, all you are going to do is make yourself miserable and your marriage worse.

Make the decision about how you want to move forward and make it happen.

3. Remorse is essential.

One thing to help you aid in your decision about what actions to take next is whether or not your partner is remorseful about their actions. Do they accept responsibility for the pain that they have caused you and are they willing and able to make amends? Are they willing to share with you the information that you need, such as where, why, and when, so that you can process what happened and decide next steps? Are they willing to stay away from their cheating partner?

If your partner isn’t willing to take responsibility for their actions and be willing to communicate with you openly, there is no chance that getting help and working on your marriage will get you through this. If they blame you for what they did, telling you that it is your fault that they strayed, then you will be forever doomed to having a partner who is playing the victim and making you feel bad about yourself.

Do you want to be in a relationship like that?

Related: 3 Traits of Marriages That Survive Infidelity and how to know if yours

4. Don’t seek revenge.

When our partners stray, we are often so hurt and angry that we want to act out, to hurt that person the way that they hurt us. And what do we do? We seek revenge.

Revenge comes in many forms. Revenge can be taking the children and leaving. It can be about withholding love and affection. It can be telling the whole world about the infidelity. It can be about being passively aggressive in your interactions with them so that they suffer, drip by drip. Or it can be like Lorena Bobbitt, who cut off her husband’s penis (and went to jail) after discovering he had cheated.

Whatever kind of revenge that you are thinking of, DON’T DO IT. It is essential that, in this stressful time, you hold your head up high and act in a way that is irreproachable. Act in a way that won’t give your partner fuel for the fire for blaming you. Act in a way that your friends and family see you as a good person and so they will choose to support you. Act in a way that won’t cause you any remorse down the road.

You are probably feeling pretty bad about yourself right now and, while revenge might feel like the answer, it’s not.

And, actually, the best revenge will be your partner seeing you not falling apart but presenting yourself with grace and dignity in the face of what has happened!

5. Get help!

You are going through something that you have never gone through before – recovering from the aftermath of infidelity. While the tendency to go it alone, to heal by yourself, is strong, you have never walked this road before and getting help is essential.

I know that you might be ashamed about what has happened and you are worried that your therapist or life coach will judge you but I can promise you they won’t. Many people go through this every day and a professional will only seek to support you through this time, not judge you. I promise.

Whether its individual therapy or life coaching, marital counseling, or some combination of them both, seeking assistance from a professional during these horrible times will set you up for getting through all of this and coming out the other side in a healthy way.

Even if your partner won’t agree to get help, do it for yourself. You may or may not stay with this person but you will always be with yourself. Knowing how to like and love yourself is key to being happy, with or without another person.

Related: How To Know If Surviving Infidelity Without Counseling Is Possible For You

So, reach out to a therapist or a life coach (perhaps me!) today and get the help that you need processing what has happened and how to move forward.

Surviving infidelity in a toxic marriage is something that can happen, with some self-awareness and action.

No matter what you decide to do, stay or go, it is possible for you to get through this intact and come out the other side happy.

Don’t blame yourself but instead ask yourself what you want to do next.  Get a sense of whether or not your partner is remorseful and don’t seek revenge, whether they are or aren’t. And get someone to help you get through these difficult times. You can’t go it alone, even if you want to.

I know it feels like life will never be okay again, but it will be. I promise!

If you want to know more about surviving infidelity in a toxic marriage, then check this video out below:


Things Help You Survive Infidelity In Toxic Marriage Pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

How To Forgive A Cheater And Move Forward: A Relationship Guide

Trying to forgive a cheater can be one of the toughest challenges in a relationship, but it’s not impossible. Here’s a guide to help you heal your heart and move forward with confidence, grace and peace.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Did you know that around forty percent of unmarried relationships and twenty-five percent of marriages have at leas

Up Next

Is Flirting Considered Cheating? Check If You Have Crossed The Lines

When it comes to relationships, the boundaries of acceptable behavior can often be a gray area, especially in interactions with others. One particularly contentious topic is flirting. But is flirting considered cheating in a relationship? The answer is subjective.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

For some, playful banter and coy smiles are harmless fun, a way to socializ

Up Next

Beware Of ‘Cushioning’! This Sneaky Dating Trend Could Be Sabotaging Your Relationship

Relationships in today’s society can often be like walking through a minefield of colloquialisms and behaviors. One such term is the “cushioning dating”, it may sound harmless, but the implications it carries are anything but cozy.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Cushioning involves entertaining potential romantic partners outside of one

Up Next

10 Unexpected Signs Of Cheating: How To Tell If Your Spouse Is Having An Affair

If you are googling “surprising and unexpected signs of cheating” at 2 in the morning, then you’ve come to the right place. Well, we all have been there. Suspicion and doubt can sneak up like an uninvited guest when it comes to your spouse; something tells you that something is wrong, but you just can’t put your finger on it.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Up Next

The Cheaters’ Playbook: 3 Types Of Men Who Have Affairs

Have you ever wondered why do some men have affairs? It isn’t always because they’re just looking for excitement or are bored. There’s usually more to it. There are actually 3 types of men who have affairs, and we are going to do a deep dive into that today.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

In a perfect world, love would keep everyone on course, but the truth is we

Up Next

How Does A Narcissist Act When Caught Cheating? 6 Things A Narcissistic Partner Might Say

How does a narcissist act when caught cheating? If you have ever been with a narcissist, you know what happens when a narcissist is caught cheating, and all the absurd things they say to justify their actions. Let’s explore 6 statements a narcissists makes when a narcissist gets caught cheating.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

KEY POINTS

Up Next

How To Get Over Emotional Cheating: 10 Practical Tips

Finding out that the person you love the most is in love with someone else can be one of the most heartbreaking experiences. Emotional cheating can not only shatter a relationship, but it can also traumatize and emotionally break the other partner. Let’s learn how to get over emotional cheating and start the healing process

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

<