Have you ever had a conversation with a narcissist, where you felt that you are constantly going in circles? Well, that’s no accident, my friend – it’s actually narcissistic deflection at work. Narcissists are experts at avoiding accountability, and deflection is one of their go-to tactics.
They might twist the conversation, shift the whole blame on you or even make you question your sanity, all while dodging the real issue. If you’ve ever felt frustrated or confused after confronting a narcissist, chances are you’ve encountered their deflection tactics.
In this article, we’ll dive into what narcissistic deflection, why do narcissists deflect, and which deflection tactics you should look out for.
Related: The Art Of Deflection: When Your Partner Accuses You of Being “Crazy”
What Is Narcissistic Deflection?
Narcissistic deflection is a sneaky strategy used by narcissists to avoid responsibility, shift focus away from their flaws, and protect their inflated sense of self.
When you confront a narcissist with uncomfortable truths, they don’t have the strength or integrity to own up to her mistakes. So, instead of addressing the issue head-on and trying to resolve it, they’ll do anything to sidestep it.
Whether that means changing the topic, blaming you, or twisting the narrative to make themselves look like the victim. This deflection psychology allows them to wash their hands of the issue and leaves you scratching your head and wondering what just happened.
Narcissists thrive on control and can’t stand the idea of being wrong. Deflection helps them stay in control of the situation by keeping the spotlight away from their behavior.
If you’ve ever tried holding a narcissist accountable, you’ve probably experienced the frustration of watching the conversation spiral into confusion. That’s deflection doing its job, and it’s exhausting.
Now that we know deflection meaning, let’s talk about why do narcissists deflect.
Why Do Narcissists Deflect?
At the core, narcissists use deflection tactics to protect their fragile egos. Owning up to their faults or accepting criticism doesn’t fit into their inflated self-image, so instead they use deflection to dodge accountability.
They also want to maintain control in relationships, and one of the easiest ways to do that is by confusing you. When it comes to a narcissist and deflection, by using deflection, they make you second-guess yourself, making it easier for them to manipulate the situation.
Another reason narcissists have the habit of deflecting in an argument, is because they lack emotional depth. They don’t know how to handle genuine emotions like shame or guilt, so when those feelings start creeping up, they divert the conversation to avoid facing them.
It’s a defense mechanism that works wonders—for them—but leaves you feeling like you’re constantly chasing your tail.
Narcissistic Deflection: 10 Deflection Tactics Narcissists Use To Play You
1. They shift the whole blame on you.
Blame-shifting is one of the classic deflection tactics. When they’re called out, they’ll instantly turn the tables and make it your fault.
For example, if you point out that they forgot your birthday, they’ll accuse you of being overly sensitive or even say, “Well, you never remember my important days either.” They are never at fault; it’s always someone else who is wrong.
This tactic leaves you feeling guilty and confused, making it hard for you to focus on the real issue.
2. They will suddenly change the topic.
If the conversation gets too intense, and a narcissist feels like there’s no way out, then they will derail the conversation completely. You’ll be discussing one thing, and suddenly they bring up something totally unrelated to throw you off track.
For example, you could be talking about how they hurt your feelings, and out of nowhere, they’ll start talking about what a bad day they had at work or how you have hurt their feelings in the past.
By doing this, they manage to completely sidestep accountability and make the conversation all about them.
3. They liberally project their issues on you.
Projection is when a narcissist accuses you of doing exactly what they’re guilty of. For example, if they’re lying, they’ll accuse you of lying. If they’re being unfaithful, they’ll question your loyalty.
It’s all about shifting the blame so that they don’t have to take responsibility for their actions. This sort of narcissistic deflection can be especially confusing because it makes you question your own behavior and motives.
Related: Narcissist Projection: How To Respond To The Lethal Weapon Used By Abusers
4. They are experts at playing the victim card.
When all else fails, narcissists love to play the victim and this is one of their favorite ways of deflecting in an argument. Suddenly, they’ll turn the conversation around to make it seem like they’re the one who’s been wronged.
If you confront them about something hurtful they did and question them, they might say, “I can’t believe you would accuse me of that after everything I’ve done for you.”
By playing the victim card, their aim is to divert attention away from their behavior and guilt-trip you into feeling sorry for them.
5. They keep on bringing up the past.
Narcissists have a knack for digging up old issues to avoid addressing the present. If you try to confront them about something they did recently, they might start bringing up past mistakes you’ve made, even if they’re completely irrelevant and unfair.
These sort of deflection tactics aims to distract from the actual issue and puts you on the defensive. Suddenly you will find yourself apologizing for something that happened months ago instead of addressing the real problem at hand.
6. They suffer from “selective forgetting”.
Selective forgetting is when narcissists conveniently “forget” the things they’ve done wrong or the promises they’ve made. If you call them out on something, they’ll act like they have no idea what you’re talking about.
For example, they might say, “I never said that” or “I don’t remember doing that.” This type of narcissist tactics makes you doubt your memory and helps them to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
7. They use triangulation to play mind games with you.
Triangulation is when a narcissist brings a third person into the situation to shift the focus away from themselves. For example, if you’re confronting them about a lie they told, they might say, “Well, even [so-and-so] agrees with me.”
This narcissistic deflection is designed to make you feel outnumbered and makes you question your stance. By pulling a third person into the mix, they manage to manipulate you into thinking you are the problem and make you doubt yourself.
Related: Have You Been the Victim of Narcissistic Triangulation?
8. They gaslight you.
Gaslighting is one of the most insidious forms of narcissistic deflection. Narcissists will deny reality or twist facts to make you doubt your own perception, sanity and reality.
For example, they might say, “That never happened” or “You’re remembering it all wrong,” even when you’re sure of the facts.
Over time, gaslighting can make you question your own sanity, which is exactly what the narcissist wants—it keeps you off balance and under their control. Gaslighting is one of their favorite weapons to use when deflecting in an argument.
9. They ridicule you and insult you.
When narcissists feel cornered, they often resort to ridiculing or devaluing the other person to regain control. Instead of addressing the issue, they’ll mock you, call you names, or make you feel small.
For example, if you try to express how their behavior made you feel insulted and humiliated, they might respond with, “Oh, you’re so sensitive” or “You’re overreacting as usual.” By devaluing your feelings, they try to set a narrative that their behavior is not the problem, how you react to it is.
10. They flat-out deny everything.
When it comes to a narcissist and deflection, denying is one of their favorite deflection tactics. Even when caught red-handed, narcissists will flat-out deny any wrongdoing.
They’ll look you straight in the eye and say, “That’s not true” or “I never did that,” no matter how much evidence you have.
This sort of deflection psychology leaves you feeling frustrated and helpless because it’s impossible to argue with someone who refuses to acknowledge reality.
Bottomline
Narcissistic deflection tactics can leave you feeling exhausted, confused, and doubting your own experiences. The longer this goes on, the more you think there’s something wrong with you.
However, once you start understanding these narcissist tactics, you gradually become better equipped to handle them and avoid getting caught in the narcissist’s web.
While dealing with a narcissist is never easy, knowing their tricks can give you the power to stand your ground and protect your mental well-being.
Related: The Secret Language Of Narcissists: How Abusers Manipulate and Traumatize Their Victims
Have you ever encountered narcissistic deflection? Let us know your thoughts in the comments down below!
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