How Healthy Boundaries With Your In-laws Will Make Your Marriage Stronger

 / 

,

It is not necessary to tag all the in-laws as cruel and toxic. In a family, everyone has different opinions and perspectives. Healthy boundaries are important in each and every relationship and after marriage creating boundaries is actually respecting your own space and your in-laws too. We should understand the importance of setting boundaries with in-laws to have a balanced and strong marriage.ย 

Are you newly married and have you and your partner learned about the importance of setting healthy boundaries in a marriage? Have you worked hard to identify what your boundaries are and are you determined to respect them so that your marriage is successful?

Good for you.

What many people donโ€™t know is that it can be very important to, from the get-go, set boundaries for your in-laws as well. Why? Because your in-laws will be a part of your lives for a long time and your relationship with them could have a huge effect on your marriage. Let me tell you why boundaries with your in-laws can make your marriage stronger.

5 Reasons Setting Boundaries With In-laws Makes Your Marriage Stronger

Setting Boundaries With In-laws

1. Setting boundaries will create clarity.

While now that you are married you have created the beginning of a new family, for all of the previous years of your life you have been a member of your original family. Things that formed this original family โ€“ holiday traditions, gender roles, financial considerations, etc โ€“ were the foundation upon which that family existed.

Now that you are married, those things, those things that lay the foundation for your original family, might not exist in the new family.

I know when I was married, my husbandโ€™s family had always lived close to each other and, as a result, they spent a lot of time together, particularly around birthdays and holidays. My family had always been more spread out and our time together was somewhat limited and we lived more independently of each other.

I was hoping that our new family could live in a way that was more aligned with my original family. My ex wanted to spend holiday time with his family. And his family expected it too.

In retrospect, I believe that if we had set boundaries early on, boundaries with both of our families about how we were going to spend birthdays and holidays, instead of having to have conflict around them every time one arose, then we would have saved ourselves a lot of conflicts, the conflict that was part of the erosion of our marriage.

So, setting boundaries early on with your in-laws allows everyone to know what to expect going forward so that conflicts and hurt feelings can be kept to a minimum.

Read: 5 Rules For Living With Your In-Laws (and Making It Work)

2. The new relationship must take precedence.

One of the most important reasons that healthy boundaries in a marriage may apply to in-laws as well is because the marriage of two people creates a new family. This new family is new and untested and needs its own time to develop into what it is going to be.

It is of the utmost importance that this new family takes precedence, that the wants and needs of this new couple are taken into consideration above the wants and needs of the original family.

This is not to say that the original family should be shunned but that the wants and needs of the new family are discussed first. Once that discussion has been had, the new family can make a decision, together, about how they are going to proceed.

My ex and I, never truly made a decision about what was important for our family. Every time a family conflict arose we punted it to the next holiday. If we had only made a conscious decision, for ourselves and OUR family, then we both would have been happier and there would have been less conflict.

3. Everyone needs to know what expectations are.

Unmet expectations are the number one thing that can cause problems in any relationship. And, unfortunately, no one usually knows what those expectations are. This isnโ€™t done maliciously โ€“ it just never comes up, not until someone gets hurt.

If you can set expectations early on with your in-laws you can prevent hurt feelings on both sides. In the example of my ex and I, perhaps if we had clearly stated at the beginning of our relationship what it was that we expected around the birthdays and holidays if we had engaged in a discussion with our in-laws about what we all wanted, then a whole bunch of conflict would have been avoided.

Instead, we just assumed that it was a command performance at holidays and birthdays and we showed up accordingly, often crabby because we had fought about it the whole car drive over.

4. Relationships can be maintained.

setting boundaries with in-laws

One of the biggest regrets of my marriage is that we werenโ€™t able to set boundaries and manage expectations with our families. If we had, some important relationships would have been healthier.

As I have said before, my ex and I often ended up butting heads when we were put in the position of meeting extended family obligations that we didnโ€™t necessarily want to engage in. That was very damaging for our marriage.

Furthermore, our relationship with our in-laws suffered as well because there was often conflict about how we engaged with them. We werenโ€™t always honest, in an attempt to not upset them, but they often knew. And my ex and I, usually crabby, werenโ€™t always fun to have around.

So, if you want to maintain a healthy relationship with your in-laws, I would encourage you to set boundaries to preserve those good feelings.

Read: Is A Good Marriage The Key To Healing Old Family Wounds?

5. You will be prepared with the kids to arrive.

Ah yes, babies. Arenโ€™t they wonderful? Adorable little creatures that arrive and totally turn our lives into chaos. And, yes, grandparents. The adults in our lives who raised us, sometimes in ways that we wished that we hadnโ€™t been raised. And they want a say in how your new family is going to be raised as well.

If you have set and practiced healthy boundaries with your in-laws when the babies come you will be able to discuss with them what kind of boundaries you need around the kids. You can work together to define how they will be involved with the children โ€“ will you need them for child care, will they be part of managing discipline, do they understand how important the car seat is, etc.

The grandparent relationship, I believe, is a key one in the lives of our children. I know that my relationship with my grandmother was one of the best, most nurturing, of my life. I know that my motherโ€™s relationship with her mother wasnโ€™t always a healthy one and if they had set boundaries then a lot of silent dinners might have been avoided. I know that I wish they had been.

So, set up and practice boundaries now so that, when the kids are born, both sides are well-practiced in the art of managing expectations and avoiding conflict.

Now you know why healthy boundaries in a marriage may apply to in-laws as well. Marriage is long and hard (and wonderful) and for the length of your marriage, your in-laws will be a part of it.

Itโ€™s important to set the boundaries right away so that you can maintain a good relationship with them. The boundaries need not be set in stone โ€“ as relationships develop, needs can change โ€“ but it is important that the discussion is had and expectations are clear.

I know it might be difficult, for all parties involved, to have the discussion but know that, in the long run, it will have been worth it.

Written By: Mitzi Bockmann
Originally Appeared On: Let Your Dreams Begin

How Healthy Boundaries With Your In-laws Will Make Your Marriage Stronger
Healthy Boundaries With In laws pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

How to Become Pregnant with PCOS: 6 Proven Strategies For A Promising Start

Generally, women who have polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) get problems in conceiving a child and starting a family. If you suffer from this condition of PCOS then we recommend you to take up this manual on how to become pregnant with PCOS.ย 

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

According to American Familiesโ€™

Up Next

Codependence and Interdependence: What Truly Sets Them Apart?

The question โ€˜What is the difference between codependence and interdependence?โ€™ In reality, it asks whether a relationship is dysfunctional or healthy. Well, in todayโ€™s Best Day Blog, I will be taking you through the differences between the two and how to recover from codependency.

(adsby

Up Next

10 Riveting Movies About Broken Marriages: How Love Crumbles Over Time

Marriage is supposed to represent love and commitment, but itโ€™s not always a fairy tale. Below are some of the movies about broken marriages that challenge the โ€œhappily ever afterโ€ stereotype!

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Sometimes, things start falling apart โ€” from within or without โ€” and this is frequently caused by different pressures and conflic

Up Next

Friendship Marriage: Japanโ€™s Latest Relationship Trend Explained

Friendship marriage is the latest relationship trend taking the world by storm, and itโ€™s got everyone talking. Forget the traditional notions of romance and commitment; these couples are rewriting the rules of marriage and how!

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

This unique approach has not only got people talking, but itโ€™s also challenging many societal norms when it c

Up Next

Should I Start a Family? 10 Reasons That Might Convince You

Two paths are diverging before you at a crossroads. You can either continue with your present life which has the comforts you know so well, or you could choose the other path which goes into the unknown.ย 

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

The decision to start a family is one of those big adventures in life that leaves us breathless with awe; it is filled with twists and

Up Next

8 Questions To Ask Yourself If You Want To Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person

Picture this: youโ€™re standing at the altar, surrounded by beaming friends and family, moments away from saying โ€œI doโ€ to the person who you thought was your soulmate and the love of your life. But deep down, you canโ€™t ignore the nagging feeling that something doesnโ€™t feel right. Could it be possible that youโ€™re marrying the wrong person?

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Up Next

63 Conversation Starters For Deep Dialogues With Your Partner

Why conversation starters? Over time conversations with your partner might begin to feel shallow and focused more on the daily grind than topics that actually matter. This is normal. Itโ€™s probably not a dangerous red flag that your relationship is about to end, but it is likely unsatisfying and monotonous.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Itโ€™s quite easy to reignite t