Ah, the exciting universe of dating! Dating in the modern world can feel like a rollercoaster filled with thrilling emotions and fluttering hearts. But what do you do when you suffer from low self esteem? What does it look like, dating with low self esteem?
Dating with low self esteem can feel as difficult as trying to solve a Rubik’s cube with one hand tied behind your back. Interactions may be marred by negative self-perceptions which can make you doubt your worth and desirability. However, don’t let that scare you, because low self-esteem does not necessarily mean doom.
In this article, we are going to talk about how low self esteem impacts your dating life and also how to date when you have low self esteem.
Let’s get started then, shall we?
Related: How Self-Esteem Makes Or Breaks Relationships
15 Signs You Are Dating With Low Self Esteem
1. Constantly asking for your partner’s approval and validation.
2. Settling for a person that doesn’t match your worth in relationships.
3. Feeling undeserving of love and doubting your loved one’s affection.
4. Trouble telling what you want or feel like having in the relationship.
5. Fear of rejection and avoiding taking risks in dating.
6. Allowing an invasion into your personal space or lack of ability to create boundaries.
7. Insecurity, trying to compare yourself with your or your partner’s friends.
8. Tolerating abusive behavior from your partner.
9. Overthinking about everything in the relationship and analyzing every little thing a bit too much.
10. Placing your significant other’s needs before yours.
11. Feeling insecure about your appearance, looks, weight etc.
12. Being distrustful of your partner.
13. Relying on your partner for your self-worth and happiness.
14. Perpetually questioning if you are good enough for the person you love.
15. Difficulty leaving an unhealthy relationship because you don’t want to be alone or feel like you might never find anyone else in your life.
Now that we know how dating with low self esteem looks like, let’s talk about how low self esteem impacts your dating life.
5 Ways Low Self Esteem Impacts Your Dating Life
1. You’re always the victim, and your partner the culprit.
When you have low self esteem, you are perpetually on defensive mode. Your fight or flight response system is always on overdrive, which makes you feel anxious, hyper-tensed and overly sensitive almost all the time.
You are always defensive, and every little thing gets on your nerves. Even if your partner cracks an innocent joke, you take it to heart because you feel that they are insulting you or questioning you.
Dating with low self esteem can cause you to ruin a good potential relationship, or, it can make you settle for a lesser kind of love.
2. You are willing to change who you are to make your partner happy.
When it comes to dating and love, you should never feel the need to change yourself to make your partner happy. But that is exactly what you do. All you want to do is win over your partner, and want them to feel for you what you feel for them.
Your lack of self-confidence is responsible for you trying to flex and bend yourself in order to gain praise from other people and fit in more smoothly. However, changing who you are for someone else is not going to guarantee anything, least of all, true love.
Related: 10 Ways Low Self Esteem Affects Women In Relationships
3. You choose to remain in toxic and bad relationships.
Your relationship is falling apart, your partner is treating you badly, your life is going up in flames because of your toxic partner, and you might even be losing yourself and your loved ones, but you still choose to be with them.
If you feel that you cannot survive without your partner, no matter how bad they might be, or you are staying with them because you are scared you’ll never find anyone else, are all a result of low self esteem.
This is probably one of the worst ways low self esteem impacts your dating life. The notion of choosing to stay with someone problematic just because you love them isn’t romantic at all; rather it shows codependency and lack of trust.
4. You become overly possessive.
Dating with low self esteem means you depend on your partner a bit too much, which then leads you to feel overly possessive about them. You feel threatened that someone might take your significant other away or they might tempt your partner to cheat. This mindset turns to possessiveness then jealousy.
You find it hard to put a lid on your negative feelings, and this quickly spirals, and before you know it, the relationship is threatening to fall apart.
5. You are too dependent and constantly look for emotional validation.
When you lack confidence and you choose to be in a relationship, two things might happen. Either you get their self-confidence back or you become fully dependent on your partner.
You cannot function without them being around all the time. And instead of trying and being more independent, you tend to rely even more on your partner’s reassurances. This causes your partner to feel emotionally exhausted, trying to keep up with your expectations and demands.
Now that we have an idea about how low self esteem impacts your dating life, let’s discuss more about how to date when you have low self esteem.
Related: 20 Things That Low Self Esteem Steals From You
How To Date When You Have Low Self Esteem? 6 Tips And Tricks
1. You should not need a partner, you should want one.
If you are dating with low self esteem, then this right here is a very, very important point. If you think that you are incomplete without a partner, and you “need” one to be happy, then let me give you a reality check – you’ll never be happy in life!
The truth is, you don’t need someone to complete you, rather you should want someone to enrich your life. You should never need someone to be happy, you should always want to be with someone. That way, you get to have control over your life and your feelings too.
2. Make it a point to treat other people the way you want them to treat you.
How to date when you have low self esteem? Treating others the way you would like to be treated is the way to go.
You might be dating someone, when all of a sudden you might freak out and think that “this is not working out! I need to end this!” Don’t do that. Don’t break up with them suddenly, and leave them hanging. Imagine if someone did that to you, how would you feel?
It doesn’t matter how hard on yourself you are, that person you’re going out with deserves better and will appreciate knowing what your real feelings are.
3. Don’t run after other people for validation and happiness.
One of the best things about dating and being in a relationship is that feeling of happiness you get from having someone special in your life. They love you, care about you and make you feel confident.
However, make sure that this doesn’t feel like a burden on them. Don’t chase your partner for validation and remember that they’re not solely responsible for your happiness.
Be your own person, and focus on being happy on your own. It is only when you can be happy by yourself, will you be happy and content with someone else.
Related: 10 Signs Of Self-Hatred And How To Overcome
4. Don’t take any rejection personally.
How to date when you have low self esteem?
Sometimes a connection or date might not work out and you may feel like you aren’t good enough and that you will be alone for the rest of your life. But don’t look at mismatches and incompatibility as indicators of your own worth. Maybe it didn’t work out, because there’s something better waiting for you out there.
Always remember that if someone rejects you or treats you badly in any way, it’s a reflection of the kind of person they are. Taking it to heart and thinking that there’s something wrong with you will only shatter your self-esteem more.
5. Be honest and open about who you are and your life.
It takes a lot of courage and confidence to show who you really are in front of someone else. Everyone has issues and problems in their lives, and so do you and there’s no point feeling ashamed of it.
While discussing all your issues on the first date is not necessary, hiding them away and portraying yourself as someone else is also not the right thing to do.
An important part of building intimacy involves sharing the less-than-perfect sides of yourself. Chances are the person you’re with has their own doubts and fears as well, and this might be a good way to bond with each other!
6. Learn to take the hint.
Now, this might sound harsh, but if someone is not interested in you, they will give off many hints hoping you’ll back off. And you know what? That’s perfectly okay.
Nothing is more embarrassing than forcing someone to go on a date with you or committing to you. If they are making excuses to not see you or they are not responding to any of your calls and texts, then maybe it’s time to let them go.
Hold on to your dignity, and handle these situations with grace and confidence.
Related: 8 Steps To Improving Your Self-Esteem
Takeaway
Low self esteem impacts your dating life and how! It can make you settle for less, always question oneself and even fear rejection.
However, by keeping these suggestions in mind, you can have a more healthy dating life. While you slowly learn the art of loving yourself, remember that self-love and self-confidence are supreme.
Do you have any more tips for how to date when you have low self esteem? Do you think dating with low self esteem is a good idea? Let us know your thoughts in the comments down below!
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