Are You Losing Yourself In Your Relationship? 8 Things You Must Do To Keep Your Identity Alive.

 / 

ย 

โ€˜You should have straightened your hair properly; used proper shampoo,โ€™ my barber told me while chopping off chunks of dull locks.

I didnโ€™t say a word. I was feeling so empty.

Memories gathered themselves on those unwanted locks ruined by the heat of a hair straightener I didnโ€™t know how to use properly.

This was one among the number of damages I had done to myself just because, he, my beloved ex wanted me to change.

I sacrificed my love for my natural curls just because he wanted to see me in straight hair. I hated that at first but he kept on insisting me, showing me pictures of girls with straight hairs; he was so full of their beauty and he wanted me to be like them.

I was blindly in love; I could do anything for him. He became an irreplaceable entity of my life.ย  From changing the look of my hair to wearing dresses I was most uncomfortable inโ€ฆI was ready to do things I always hated, just because of him. High heels gave me pain. I couldnโ€™t walk for days but I would, just because he wanted it.

But no matter whatever I did, that couldnโ€™t stop him from leaving.

โ€˜I canโ€™t be with you. You canโ€™t change yourself in the way I want,โ€™ he broke off.

How can I change myself completely into a different person?

How can I stop loving animals? For him? How could it be possible?

โ€˜I canโ€™t live in a zoo,โ€™ he thrashed me deriding my love for pets.

I was so deeply broken.

โ€˜You look really cute in your short-hair,โ€™ my barber chuckled. โ€˜Let me color a few strands blue.โ€™

I agreed. I felt lighter. It seemed to me that a big burden was slowly getting removed. I havenโ€™t cut my hair because he loved long hair. He loved so many things except me.

This happened a few years back. This happens to a lot of people. Most of us have gone through those phases when we fell in love with someone deeply and tried to change ourselves because that person wanted us to. But in the end, we got hurt and betrayed.

Falling in love is healthy but losing oneself in love is not.

Relationships need a lot of compromises and adjustments. But compromises do not mean changing oneself into a completely different person.

Even if you change, you should be happy about it from within. You cannot turn into someone you canโ€™t identify yourself with. After my break-up, I was very scared to fall in love again. That was the time when my mother told me, โ€˜Donโ€™t get scared. Go ahead and explore. Just remember, you need to be yourself. Donโ€™t lose yourself.โ€™

I remained single for a year or so and focused on exploring myself before I met my fiancรฉ. When we started dating, I told myself repeatedly that I would not lose my identity in the relationship. All of us should keep this in mind while dating. Now, you might ask, what are the things we can do to prevent this losing of our identities? We have made a list for you.

Follow these 8 things and you will be able to maintain your identity and stay happy in the relationship.

(1) Do things you love:

Keep on doing things you love. Wear that particular dress or go to that cafe you love. Not necessarily your partner should accompany you. The relationship doesnโ€™t mean you have to do only what your partner likes. Think of yourself as an individual entity. Retain that bohemian look you always loved because that suits you. Eat your favorite pizza even if your partner hates it. Let him order something else. Donโ€™t imitate him or donโ€™t try to follow him.

(2) Go on date with yourself:

You are in a relationship. Thatโ€™s great. But not necessarily you and your partner will be going everywhere together. Give time to yourself. Be it a movie or a restaurant, go there alone. Explore yourself. Enjoy being with yourself and then only you will be able to enjoy being with him.

(3) Always stay in touch with your friends:

When you are dating someone, you have to become friends with your partnerโ€™s peers. But stay in touch with your friends too. Your friends too define a part of you. You love being with them. They have seen you through thick and thin. You might be a little busy but give time to them. They know what is the right movie to cheer you up when you are sick or where should you plan your trip together on fall break. Donโ€™t lose them, ever!

(4) Always stay connected with your family:

Remember, no matter what, your family will never leave you. They have seen you grow up and they will be there for you no matter what. They love you for the person you are. I always share a very close bonding with my mother. My mother gives me the best relationship advice. In fact, she helped me a lot when I was going through my break-up. The family keeps you rooted to your true self.

(5) Do things you are passionate about:

Do you like singing? Continue it. You sing for yourself; not necessarily all singers should become Britney Spears. Your passions define you. If you engage yourself in doing things you love, you will be happy. Your psychological attributes are shaped by your passions. Continue with them; focus on them.

(6) Always be logical:

One of the common mistakes we make while in love is we become biased. Stop doing that. He said something rude to you. Thatโ€™s his fault. Yes, he might love you truly but that doesnโ€™t give him the liberty to be rude to you. Be straightforward and clear it. He keeps an eye on wherever you go by saying that heโ€™s just caring. Try to understand the differences between caring and controlling. Remember where to draw the line. Just because he loves you, that doesnโ€™t mean he owns you. Always be rational. If the same thing happens to your friend, would you still feel the same? Then Why are you justifying his actions in the name of love? Donโ€™t.

(7) Keep a boundary around you:

Always maintain a boundary around you. Donโ€™t be too vulnerable. Loving someone doesnโ€™t mean giving away everything or sacrificing. If he is crossing the line, tell that.

(8) Accept that he might leave:

Donโ€™t live in fear that he will leave one day. Accept it. People change and people leave. If he is meant to leave, he will do that. You canโ€™t pull him back. If you live in a constant fear that he will leave, you will try to change yourself in negative ways. Donโ€™t let these thought come inside your head. Accept whatever that comes. If he is meant to stay, he will. You need to accept life.

Remember, itโ€™s your life and you are responsible for your own choices and happiness. Fall in love but donโ€™t lose yourself. If you be yourself, the right person will definitely be with you, now or later.

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

The 5 Neurodivergent Love Languages: How Your ADHD/Autistic Partner Shows Love

Neurodivergent Love Languages

All minds are not wired the same way to express and show love. For those on the autism spectrum or with ADHD, affection might look a bit different. Below are five neurodivergent love languages to help you understand love from a different perspective!

We know about Gary Chapmanโ€™s The Five Love Languages, but these languages arenโ€™t designed for neurodiverse individuals โ€“ who express care and affection differently. Sometimes their loved ones donโ€™t recognize how they share their feelings, or why they act like they do.

So, letโ€™s take a look at ADHD and autistic love languages, which might take on different forms to show how they like to receive affection.

Up Next

Complacency: The Silent Killer Of Relationships

How Complacency Can Ruin A Perfect Relationship

Has your relationship slipped into complacency? When comfort leads to blurred boundaries, itโ€™s time to reignite the spark. Learn how to refresh your connection together!

Can being too comfortable in a relationship lead to the end?

Key points

Complacency can happen over time in relationships.

Becoming too comfortable leads to blurred boundaries.

There are ways to refresh a relationship if complacency sets in.

Up Next

10 Surprising Perks of Dating a Tomboy: Why Sheโ€™s the Best Girlfriend Youโ€™ll Ever Have

Surprising Perks of Dating a Tomboy

Dating a tomboy brings an exciting mix of fun, friendship, and romance. When youโ€™re dating a tomboy, youโ€™re in for a relationship thatโ€™s refreshingly different. Sheโ€™s someone whoโ€™s down-to-earth, ready for adventure, and brings out the best in everyone around her.

From shared hobbies to spontaneous plans, being with her is all about enjoying life without pretenses or drama.

If youโ€™re curious about what makes her such an amazing partner, here are 10 surprising perks that prove dating a tomboy might just be the best decision youโ€™ll ever make!

Related: 10 Things You Need To Know If Yo

Up Next

How Playfulness Can Transform Your Love Life

How Playfulness In A Relationship Can Transform Your Love Life

Is your relationship feeling stale or distant? Wondering how to reignite the spark? Discover how bringing playfulness into your love life can create deeper connections and renewed passion.

Looking to revive a dying flame? Try the power of play.

Key points

The four types of relationship playfulness are other-directed, intellectual, whimsical, and lightheartedness.

Other-directed and intellectual are the most highly predictive of relationship satisfaction.

All types of playfulness are related to at least some facet of relationship well-being.

Up Next

7 Types Of Intimacy To Deepen Your Relationship

Ever wondered how to deepen your bond with your partner? Learning these 7 different types of intimacy in a relationship that can bring you closer in meaningful ways. Try it out now!

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Intimacy is important, but how do we cultivate it?

Up Next

The Pebbling Love Language: Inspired By Penguins To Transform Relationships

For some people love doesnโ€™t mean big actions and expensive presents, but rather small things matter the most to them. So hereโ€™s pebbling love language โ€“ inspired by penguins. Letโ€™s find out if you have this language of love without even knowing it.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

What I

Up Next

Can TikTokโ€™s โ€˜Meeting Someone Twice Theoryโ€™ Really Lead To Love?

Has a person ever crossed your path and then reappeared at another point in your life, causing you to feel like you have some kind of unexplainable bond with them? According to the newest idea from TikTok, Meeting Someone Twice Theory โ€“ is a meaningful thought that says love often needs a second chance.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

So letโ€™s learn how the universe