How To Prevent The #1 Cause of Relationship Failure

Sometimes the answer to something tough is quite simple. Like for example, if you are scared of relationship failure and you feel that the spark is gone, then one of the best things you can do to change that is by going on surprise dates with your partner. Thatโ€™s it, itโ€™s that simple.

Are you having fun in your relationship?ย I mean really having fun together or is it all business?ย In speaking with relationship therapists by the time a couple seeks counseling they are not having fun any longer.ย Itโ€™s actually painful to be in a relationship together.ย 

They are seeking out a therapist for one of two reasons.ย Itโ€™s either a last-ditch effort to salvage the relationship or one of the partners is seeking confirmation that the relationship is over, seeking permission from the expert to end the relationship. A justification of sorts, that they have done everything they can to salvage the relationship.

Once a relationship is at this stage it is more challenging to re-ignite the spark, but it is possible if at least one of the partners is committed to improvement. If both partners are committed and work towards the common goal it will be easier and quicker to improve things but if one person is acting and has the intention to improve the relationship and turn things around there is still hope.

Related: Date Nights: Date Like You Did At The Beginning and the Passion Wonโ€™t End

How Surprise Dates Can Help You Prevent Relationship Failure

Step 1: ย 

Tell your partner how youโ€™re feeling using I statements.ย โ€œI feel disconnected in our relationshipโ€ย or โ€œI would like to have more fun in our relationshipโ€.ย Once you share how you feel then you can share what youโ€™re willing to do.ย โ€œOur marriage/relationship is especially important to me and Iโ€™m willing to do what it takes to get us back on trackโ€, โ€œare you willing to help improve our relationshipโ€?

surprise dates can bring the spark back

Step 2:ย 

If they are willing to participate, share with them your ideas of easy things you can both do to reconnect.ย Let them know a great way to reconnect is to have more fun and an easy way to do this is to plan surprise dates for each other.ย Let them know youโ€™ll take the lead and plan the first date.ย You can do this at home or out on the town.ย 

This doesnโ€™t have to break the bank.ย It can be a low-cost, no-cost date or splurge on something special.ย The most important part of this is that you do something interactive and something you havenโ€™t experienced together before.

People have asked me if Iโ€™m worried that I will run out of things to do, and my answer is absolutely not.ย After 6 years of planning monthly dates together over 144 to be exact, there are still things we want to try.ย We recently had a double surprise date with another couple bowling.ย We had never bowled together.ย We both love horses and riding but have never been to a rodeo or a horse jumping competition or the Arabian Horse show.ย As you can see there are always new things to do.ย Live performances or comedians to see.ย  The possibilities are endless.

Donโ€™t worry If they are not willing to participate, you can then invite them on a date and follow the suggestions mentioned.ย This one small act could be the catalyst to shift your relationship.

Plan one surprise date a month for your partner for at least 3 months and see what shifts in your relationship. Be patient as changes donโ€™t usually happen overnight, they are gradual.

A couple I know was married for 20 plus years and they separated from each other. They had raised two daughters and had just been existing together for years.ย This is a familiar story weโ€™ve all heard where couples stay together until the children are gone and they have nothing left in common. They are no longer fulfilled with each other.ย 

The wife was completely done and checked out, but the husband asked her if he could take her on a date.ย She said no initially but he was persistently telling her he wanted to surprise her for her birthday and take her away for the weekend.ย 

Related: 10 Simple Things That Will Strengthen Your Marriage

She reluctantly accepted and he swept her away to the beach in San Diego. You see they had started dating when they were incredibly young and, in the beginning, loved to go to concerts together.ย One of their first concerts was White Snake that he surprised her with in their youth. For this trip he was pulling out all the stops knowing this was probably his last chance to win her back and it was a โ€œHail Maryโ€, but he knew he had to try.ย She was and always had been the girl of his dreams.ย He desired to grow old with her and spoil the grandkids. ย ย 

The weekend in San Diego he wined and dined her at some of their favorite restaurants.ย This was a very smart move as reminiscing can bring back some of the memories and butterflies you felt at the begging of the relationship.ย The big surprise was taking her to see White Snake in concert, one of their favorite 80โ€™s rock bands.

In one weekend he melted her heart, and she chose to give their marriage another shot.ย She fell back in love with him, and they have now been married for over 30 years and are thriving all because of a surprise weekend getaway.

Related: 40+ Date Night Ideas According To Your Love Language

Can you see how impactful a surprise date can be?ย Need to add a little fuel to the fire to make it a surprise weekend.

Surprise dates are magical.ย They inspire us and make us feel alive with anticipation and appreciation.ย Donโ€™t underestimate the power of surprise dates. If by chance you already have a good or great relationship you can still implement surprise dates as a preventative measure but itโ€™s also aย lot of fun to experience surprise dates with the love of your life.


Written By Dana Lam 
Originally Appeared On Surprise Date Challenge 
Cause of Relationship Failure pin

— Share —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

The 5 Neurodivergent Love Languages: How Your ADHD/Autistic Partner Shows Love

Neurodivergent Love Languages

All minds are not wired the same way to express and show love. For those on the autism spectrum or with ADHD, affection might look a bit different. Below are five neurodivergent love languages to help you understand love from a different perspective!

We know about Gary Chapmanโ€™s The Five Love Languages, but these languages arenโ€™t designed for neurodiverse individuals โ€“ who express care and affection differently. Sometimes their loved ones donโ€™t recognize how they share their feelings, or why they act like they do.

So, letโ€™s take a look at ADHD and autistic love languages, which might take on different forms to show how they like to receive affection.

Up Next

Complacency: The Silent Killer Of Relationships

How Complacency Can Ruin A Perfect Relationship

Has your relationship slipped into complacency? When comfort leads to blurred boundaries, itโ€™s time to reignite the spark. Learn how to refresh your connection together!

Can being too comfortable in a relationship lead to the end?

Key points

Complacency can happen over time in relationships.

Becoming too comfortable leads to blurred boundaries.

There are ways to refresh a relationship if complacency sets in.

Up Next

10 Surprising Perks of Dating a Tomboy: Why Sheโ€™s the Best Girlfriend Youโ€™ll Ever Have

Surprising Perks of Dating a Tomboy

Dating a tomboy brings an exciting mix of fun, friendship, and romance. When youโ€™re dating a tomboy, youโ€™re in for a relationship thatโ€™s refreshingly different. Sheโ€™s someone whoโ€™s down-to-earth, ready for adventure, and brings out the best in everyone around her.

From shared hobbies to spontaneous plans, being with her is all about enjoying life without pretenses or drama.

If youโ€™re curious about what makes her such an amazing partner, here are 10 surprising perks that prove dating a tomboy might just be the best decision youโ€™ll ever make!

Related: 10 Things You Need To Know If Yo

Up Next

How Playfulness Can Transform Your Love Life

How Playfulness In A Relationship Can Transform Your Love Life

Is your relationship feeling stale or distant? Wondering how to reignite the spark? Discover how bringing playfulness into your love life can create deeper connections and renewed passion.

Looking to revive a dying flame? Try the power of play.

Key points

The four types of relationship playfulness are other-directed, intellectual, whimsical, and lightheartedness.

Other-directed and intellectual are the most highly predictive of relationship satisfaction.

All types of playfulness are related to at least some facet of relationship well-being.

Up Next

7 Types Of Intimacy To Deepen Your Relationship

Ever wondered how to deepen your bond with your partner? Learning these 7 different types of intimacy in a relationship that can bring you closer in meaningful ways. Try it out now!

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Intimacy is important, but how do we cultivate it?

Up Next

The Pebbling Love Language: Inspired By Penguins To Transform Relationships

For some people love doesnโ€™t mean big actions and expensive presents, but rather small things matter the most to them. So hereโ€™s pebbling love language โ€“ inspired by penguins. Letโ€™s find out if you have this language of love without even knowing it.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

What I

Up Next

Can TikTokโ€™s โ€˜Meeting Someone Twice Theoryโ€™ Really Lead To Love?

Has a person ever crossed your path and then reappeared at another point in your life, causing you to feel like you have some kind of unexplainable bond with them? According to the newest idea from TikTok, Meeting Someone Twice Theory โ€“ is a meaningful thought that says love often needs a second chance.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

So letโ€™s learn how the universe