When youโve had time to find yourself, it makes everything that much better.
I married my soulmate two weeks before I turned 40, in part because I wanted to be married while still in my 30s. Little did I know that love in my 40s would become the full-blown greatest hits of loving. My midlife love came about because it took me a while to muster the courage to leave the wrong person in search of the right person (me).
When I divorced my first husband, part of me believed Iโd be looking for love. What I didnโt realize was that I had to stand alone and love myself before I could find the kind of love Iโd always wanted โ all-in, be-who-you-are, laugh-a-lot love.
I have friends who didnโt find their Mr. Right until their 40s, and it wasnโt because they left one that didnโt work for a relationship that did. Friends who held out for the right relationship into their 40s found they were universally happier because theyโd had time to define who they are, they were more confident, and because theyโd held out for all the right details.
Hereโs what I know about why love in your 40s is the best kind of love.
1. You arenโt going to put up with bullsh*t โ and you arenโt going to dish it out, either.
By the time I met my husband, I knew that a romantic relationship was the icing on the cake of a great life. He isnโt the cake. Weโre both whole, happy individuals with full lives. Weโre together because we want to be together. Weโre together because we make each other better.
And at our ages (Iโm 44, heโs 48), we donโt have interest or patience in playing games. Weโve been there and done that. Itโs time for no-nonsense, utter-honesty, straight-on love and fun.
2. Youโre confident in your own skin.
It makes baring it to another easy and exciting. Recently, my husband and I had a conversation about how little it matters who we were within years past. I remember in my 20s feeling the need to come clean about how many guys Iโd slept with, and how many times Iโd thought I was in love.
By the time you turn 40, none of that matters. Itโs ancient history. Itโs the precursor to who you are now. Your mastery in the sack is part midlife confidence, part years of hands-on research. No judging.
3. Youโve had time to develop your interests and talents, and build a career and an identity.
Itโs a relationship of equals. When we married, my husband had been at his job for 15 years. Iโd written thousands of articles, had eight books published, and owned a successful company. We both brought children into the world.
We know what we like to do in our spare time, and weโve traveled a fair amount of the globe. By your 40s, youโve each had a deep bucket of life experiences, and now itโs time to share those in the realest sense.
4. Youโve held out for the right relationship.
Why be with someone if itโs not right? In your 20s, itโs easy to be with someone because itโs fun and flattering. A bar-night pickup doesnโt have to turn into the love of your life. But that gets old. By your 40s, you know itโs great to be alone, so if youโre going to share your life with someone, theyโd better be worth it.
5. Youโve given up the notion that thereโs one right person.
And youโve made your peace with the notion that no relationship is going to offer you everything. Frankly, thatโs the best way. If you find someone you really love being with โ with whom you can talk and play and explore the world โ isnโt that enough?
By your 40s, you know friends, sisters, colleagues and acquaintances each have their role to play. So Mr. Right doesnโt have to be Mr. Everything, right?
6. Youโre in a stage to just have fun together.
The hard work of career-building is behind you, your kids are likely about to fly the coop, and itโs almost your time. Enjoy it together. My husband and I talk about what weโll do when the kids go to college. Travel. Cook. Perhaps open a business together. Spend a month in Mexico. Who knows.
7. You donโt NEED a partner; you just WANT one.
Letโs face it: even when it comes to sex, by the time youโre in your 40s, you can take care of that yourself, right?
8. Youโre ready to be honest โ about everything.
But you donโt need to be. Your 40s are the first decade when most people truly embrace the moment and relish being present. Which means all that exists is right now and everything else really doesnโt matter.
9. Youโre ready to be nicer to yourself.
The trappings of our earlier years (worrying about how many people weโve been with, whether some sex choices are weird, the fantasy of your ideal life) have dissipated, and youโre ready to be nice to yourself. So youโre nice to others.
Itโs a calmer, contented kind of love. You live fully. You know life doesnโt last forever. You realize any day could be your last, so you just want to be happy. And a big part of that is shining a smile on everyone in your midst. Especially yourself.
10. You realize how short life really is.
You have to make the most of every minute, which means you donโt have the patience for sub-par connections. Why waste time with someone who drives you crazy? Why make due with Mr. Maybe? Itโs just not worth it. All of this makes sense in an intellectual way when youโre younger, but you donโt really get it until you hit the big 4-0. Trust me.
Written by Lynne Golodner
You may also like
- 6 Differences Between A Mature Relationship and An Immature Relationship
- 5 Traits of an Emotionally Mature Person
- 6 Reasons Why The Right Relationship Is Absolutely Worth The Wait
- Why Twin Flames Meet Later in Life?
Leave a Reply