When you are newlyweds, everything seems perfect and dreamy, doesn’t it? Slowly and gradually with time, you start to settle down with each other and get to know each other more. And before you know it, the nagging starts, and about every little thing.
Did you load the dishwasher? Did you pick up the dry cleaning? Did you put the toilet seat down? Did you ask the babysitter to come over today, since we won’t be home? Did you take the trash out? And so on and so forth. When your spouse is constantly bombarding you with endless ‘did you do this’ and ‘did you do that’ questions, then my friend, you are married to a nagger.
Most people think that nagging is not that big of a deal, but truth be told, nagging can act as a slow-killer for your marriage. It chips away little by little at your relationship, until there is so much bitterness, anger and resentment, that it seems hard to come back from. The act of nagging can have destructive and serious consequences on your marriage, if not resolved at the right time.
Here Are 7 Signs You Have A Nagging Spouse
1. They try to control you by pushing you constantly.
When you are married to a nagger, the act of nagging can sometimes masquerade as control. If they are constantly keeping you on your toes with some chore or the other, it might mean they are trying to make you do all those things, that THEY want you to do. After a point, nagging stops being a request, and becomes more of weapon to control you.
The moment your spouse starts to micromanage and control every little action of your by being a nag, see it as the last nail in the coffin and put a stop to it. Recognize that their intentions are not right, and make it clear that unless they stop nagging you every minute, you won’t do a damn thing. Make them realize that they can’t dictate everything, otherwise your marriage will go down the drain.
Related: Nitpicking in Relationships: Signs and How To Deal With It
2. You sense a certain degree of helplessness in them.
Most of the time people who nag think that they are doing so because they want what’s best for their partner. They feel they know their spouse well enough to understand what mistakes they are making, and take upon themselves the responsibility of keeping them on the right path.
Even though the sentiment is noble, too much concern can sometimes take things in the wrong direction. Because babysitting and schooling you is never the right option. They might start off in a rational way, but when they see you not paying heed to their words, they feel helpless and start nagging you more. This sets off a vicious cycle that can threaten to destroy your relationship.
Assure your spouse that you are hearing what they are saying, and you just need a little bit of time to make the changes. Tell them that constantly nagging you is just going to put you off from listening to their advice.
3. Asking you to do something incessantly.
If your partner is requesting you to do something a couple of times, that’s normal. But if they are incessantly nagging you about the same thing over and over again, then that’s a red flag. After a point, it ceases to be helpful and enters the annoying territory. The moment they ask you to do something more than thrice, it stops being a request, and becomes nagging.
One of the best ways to put a stop to your spouse’s nagging is by directly asking them what the issue is. Sit down and talk about the problem, and try to come up with a convenient and understanding solution. Try not to be judgemental, and understand where they are coming from. Let your spouse know that constantly focusing on the negative things will never help your marriage in any way.
4. They try to parent you all the time.
Nagging is a form of control, so if you are married to a nagger, you will notice them trying to parent you every chance they get. They firmly believe that they know what’s good for you, even more than you do. Yes, this sounds absurd and outrageous, but that’s exactly how a nagging person thinks.
They will try to dominate you, your choices and actions, all in the name of your betterment. What starts off as concern, gradually becomes dominating and dictating what you should do and how you should do it. And God forbid you don’t do it, they will keep at you, unless you change your mind.
Let your spouse know that they are not your parents, and this constant parenting is irking you. Establish certain boundaries, and let them know what is acceptable and what isn’t.
Related: 7 Common Relationship Problems And Simple Ways To Fix Them
5. They put you down every chance they get.
Sometimes their nagging reaches such a stage that they start insulting you every chance they get. Why? Simply because you are not blindly doing what they want you to do. They constantly bring up your mistakes, flaws and shortcomings, and use them against you, to push you do what they are asking you to do.
You slowly start feeling a lot of resentment and bitterness towards your spouse, and try to avoid having conversations with them. Before things get too messy, let your partner know just how much they are hurting you, and if they keep on doing this, it will be just a matter of time, before you give up on them.
Want to know more about how nagging can ruin your marriage? Check this video out below!
6. Your sex life has deteriorated.
Who would want to get intimate with someone who is constantly nagging them? Being a nag can be a serious threat to your sex life, and can kill the passion entirely. Instead of excitement, love and romance, there will be a lot of anger, hurt, and resentment, so naturally your sex life will take a huge hit.
If you don’t want your sex life to be over for good, then openly communicate with your partner about everything that is going wrong. Don’t hesitate to be vulnerable about your feelings, and you might just be able to make them understand that they need to stop their nagging.
7. They always speak in an accusatory tone, and use accusatory words.
You know you have a nagging spouse, when you find them always talking to you in an accusatory manner. They begin every sentence with “You…”, and go on to blame you for everything that annoys and angers them. They make things out to be always your fault, and how you can never do anything right.
If you want to put a stop to this and make things better, then you need to tell them to drop the endless accusations. Tell them that instead of saying, “You never load the dishwasher. I always have to do it, and you just don’t care!”, try saying, “I would like it if you could load the dishwasher after dinner, as I have a ton of other stuff to do.” The moment the accusations drop, so does the malice and nagging.
Related: 10 Most Common Anger Styles and How Most Partners Respond To Them
Being married to a nagging person can very annoying, and tiring, but does that mean you will give up on your marriage? Of course not! Being a nag doesn’t always mean being a bad person. Sit down together and calmly talk about all the issues that are plaguing your relationship, have a healthy discussion and promise each other to make positive changes.
Leave a Reply