Ever felt manipulated and drained after talking to someone? Uncover the secret behaviors of narcissists as we explore warning symptoms that reveal their true nature!
Narcissistsโ entire personality is a defense to help them manage their hidden insecurity and inner turmoil. There are three secret behaviors they do that arenโt immediately obvious, but if you think about them, they would make sense to you and explain their manifest behavior.
These behaviors stem from core symptoms of narcissism, especially their lack of empathy and grandiosity, and also arrogance.
Itโs important in understanding narcissists to realize that their brain works differently and that they see the world much differently. Donโt compare them to yourself.
Read more here: Healing Narcissism: Is There A Cure For Narcissism?
What Are Narcissist Behaviors? 3 Secret Behaviors Of Narcissists To Watch Out For
1. A Hierarchical Existence
Having power is the primary preoccupation of a narcissist. In their mind, having control and being on top keep them safe. They canโt conceive of equal relationships and avoid environments where that is the expectation. To them, everyone is a predator or prey. They must be in charge or will be eaten.
Thus, in every situation, theyโre always assessing whoโs on top, and try to be him or her. They use impression management to do this. They start with bragging and flattery, but when that doesnโt work, they try more aggressive tactics, such as belittling, manipulating, backstabbing, or cheating other people, or taking credit for their work.
2. Feelings Donโt Matter
If youโre not familiar personally with a narcissist, you might take what they say and do at face value. You might think theyโre caring and generous because they give you a gift, or that they respect you because they compliment you.
However, those close to a narcissist frequently question the sincerity of the narcissist in their life when they act as if they care about your feelings. They suspect ulterior motives, manipulation, and selfishness.
The fact is that many narcissists fake their feelings, because they donโt authentically know how to respond. They donโt see other people as individuals separate from themselves, nor have natural empathy. They never want to discuss feelings, particularly vulnerable ones.
They never want to discuss feelings, particularly vulnerable ones. They learn how to respond by observation or manufacture feelings and responses to provoke a certain reaction in someone else.
Even in the rare case that they might apologize for past behavior, they soon repeat the abuse or blame you for it without remorse or recognition of any contradiction. If you point it out, they might use DARVO or just blame you as if they never owned up to it before.
3. They Hide Their Shame
Although narcissists feel grandiose and better than everyone else, they donโt love themselves. Underneath they worry theyโre not enough or that theyโre making mistakes. They may not be conscious of this underlying shame, just as many people are not, even though they may claim to have healthy self-esteem.
Yet even when they do admit their insecurities to themselves or someone else, they donโt see the contradiction between that and their grandiosity.
They may judge themselves for a bad decision or doing something foolish because theyโre โso smart โโHow could I do that?โ The part of themselves that feels insecure is split off from the part of themselves that feels grandiose and superior. They then project aspects of themselves that they canโt accept onto others whom they disparage.
Learn more about the underlying features of narcissism, what motivates narcissistsโ behavior, and explicit suggestions and strategies on how to respond to it effectively in โDating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist: Essential Tools for Improving or Leaving Narcissistic and Abusive Relationships.โ
Read more here: The Many Faces Of Narcissism: Exploring The 3 Types Of Narcissists
If youโve encountered someone displaying symptoms of narcissism, even if they appear normal, itโs crucial to establish boundaries. Remember, a secret narcissist is still a narcissist in the end!
ยฉ Darlene Lancer 2023
Written by: Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT
Originally appeared on: whatiscodependency.com
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