Sometimes Goodbyes Are Forever

Some say absence makes the heart grow fonder, in some way, it’s certainly true but as the time goes by you would realize that perhaps absence makes the heart go wo(a)nder. The heart starts to wonder if it’s still worth the fight and when it realizes what it needs to realize, wandering occurs. You start to wander around and find what you truly deserve because you cannot sit your ass the whole day, pretending that everything is okay when everything is falling apart and wishing that things would turn on the other way round.

Woke up early in the morning with the whoosh of the rain. It was so comfortable to hear the sound of the rain falling on the roof. I had a good sleep though I slept with a throbbing headache.I groped for my phone that was laying down beside me. I turned it on and saw a message from him. It was strange because I don’t get excited anymore every time his name flashes on the screen. I don’t get exhilarated to respond on his calls or messages anymore. Does that mean I am slowly detaching? Perhaps yes. When you cannot change some thing sometimes you just have to let it the way it is.

Detachment.

This word is all beautiful, sad and tragic. There will come a point in our life when we realize that the person who we love is never good for us but that doesn’t mean we stop loving them. Feelings and emotions change. It’s funny how things can change in a short span of a moment. One day, you wake up and your insight has changed; you start questioning everything around you including your love for him; deep down you know that you still love him but things have changed, he is no longer your priority; you wake up and you feel better with or without him; he isn’t the first person you think in the morning anymore; you no longer bother to call him or even send a good morning long i love you and i miss you messages. He notices that you are slowly drifting away and he tries to hold you back. He never wants to let you go, he holds your hands so tight while your hands are no longer attached with his. You are no longer attached. Congratulations. You are free.

But then, it’s both sad and tragic to look back in the past when the both of you were still inseparable. Who would have thought that this relationship would end this way? Well, I guess every relationship has its climax and we have reached ours, the difference with others is that they are strong enough to withstand every obstacles that will come their ways and it’s sad that we are not that strong enough. There’s no perfect relationship, I always say that. A relationship is built by three fundamental foundations: love, trust, and respect. Once, one of these is broken, it would be hard for the relationship to recover. But of course, there is still LOVE which is the strongest among the three, you will keep going and try to fix what has been broken but later on, no matter how you love someone there will come to a point that you will be tired because it looks like you are the only one who is fighting. It’s okay to be tired. You are not a superhero who has the special ability to save. The thing is that superheroes save lives not relationships. So basically, it’s in the palm of your hand. At the end of the day, you will choose to hold on because that what love is; people tend to hold on in a drop of hope that things can still go back to normal, you will try and try until you get tired; and slowly by slowly, detachment surfaces. You never wish for it but it happens…

You feel sorry for him. If only he fights for you from the beginning. If only he didn’t take you for granted. If only he made himself available when you need him the most. If only…now it’s too late…

You pack your things and ready to go

He holds your hand and says, “Please, don’t leave me.”

You turn around and see his devastating face.

You stare at his eyes and walk away without saying a thing…

When people say good night, it literally means good night; when people say good bye, it could mean “Good bye see you soon. See you later.” You still get the chance to see that person in the future. But you also have to understand the deep definition of good bye cause people change and feelings fade; It’s like, “I’m not saying that we won’t see each other again perhaps we’ll see each other tomorrow, next week, next month or next year but there’s no guarantee that the feelings are still there; when I say good bye I say good bye for the love that we shared but I surely treasure the memories; you’ve got to realize that sometimes good byes are forever.”