The needs of men and women differ. And unmet needs can build barriers. Take a look at the different needs in a relationship every couple must address to strengthen their bond!
Every relationship is truly roller coaster rides. It feels exciting, devastating, challenging and rewarding at the same time.
Sometimes people get confused as to which button to press and which not to in case some actions backfire.
There is no dearth of blogs, articles, and books out there to ensure your relationship runs smooth and hassle-free with as lesser conflicts and hardships as possible.
But everything ultimately boils down to the two people in the relationship who has to work their parts and make it happen. This idea is more appropriate when it comes to marriage.
You must be wondering, how do I make my marriage loopholes-proof and successful? There’s no single answer to this. Every two individual’s need is distinct from the other, every marriage has different requirement to function, and every couple has a unique chemistry. To top it all, there must be a middle ground for all of these differences.
4 Needs In A Relationship Every Healthy Couple Should Know About
1. Things A Man Needs In A Relationship : To be Appreciated
Things A Woman Needs In A Relationship : To be Loved
When it comes to loving someone, respect for that person naturally comes. Shaunti Feldhahn conducted study social research for her book: “For Women Only.” three out of four men chose to be alone and unloved.
This piece of information might seem a bit out of the place, but men are wired to think this way. And you as a woman can really find it difficult to stay alone without experiencing a genuine connection with your partner.
A woman wants to feel loved more often; wants to feel wanted and held from time to time. A woman needs to be loved with persistence. Each woman has a different definition of being loved, women want to hear “I love you.”, “I am glad to have you.” more often than men do.
Men need to be respected and appreciated for what they do, for the sacrifices they make for the family, the financial and structural stability they bring to the family. They need to be motivated and influenced with words like, “I am proud of you.”, “You can do it.”
Related: Your Biggest Need in a Relationship Based On Your Zodiac Sign
2. He Needs: Sex as a Means to Express Love
She Needs: Love as a Means to Express Sexual Desires
The sexual drive of each person is unique. It cannot be generalized based on gender. Some women indeed have high sex drives and want to engage more often in sex. But their urgency, impulsivity is different than men.
Marriage therapist Aaron Anderson tells that men want to engage more often in sex not just to fulfill their sexual urges and physically satisfy themselves but also to express their love for their women. For them, it is a form of expression of love.
Women too want sex and they equally enjoy it but they are always not in the mood for it. It is not their primary source of expression of love. She would spend time cuddling with you, making you a nice meal to show how she feels rather than actually making out.
Women often need to be able to contemplate sex beforehand, as that ‘waiting’ period sets her on fire. Consider Feldhahn’s advice and give women some ‘anticipation time’ if you want to have frequent and steamy sex.
3. He Needs: To Communicate Through Actions
Her Needs: To Communicate Through Words
Needs of men and women differ in communication as well. Women are more equipped to use words and forms of emotional expressions to communicate what they are feeling. Ever since the dawn of time, men are ‘doers’.
They do not have the efficiency to communicate their feelings through words. They downplay the need to sit at the end of every single day to converse with the life partner about everything that happened throughout the day.
Sociolinguist Deborah Tannen conducted a study in which she recorded female and male best friends as they conversed with each other. She found a startling difference between the behavior of men and women.
For the women, it was quite natural to discuss their lives, about a variety of other things. Their conversation flowed smoothly and expanded to different topics quite effortlessly.
On the other hand, the men’s’ conversation started on awkward grounds and they could not sustain the conversation for long, giving in to performing some activities they love to perform together.
A woman needs to talk and share her feelings – sadness, happiness, anger, and frustration alike while on the other hand men found it more relaxing to connect with their partner through engaging in activities they both like.
4. He Needs: Time to Sort Their Emotions Out
She Needs: To Unburden Through Words
This one understanding might help you handle a number of conflicted situations like arguments and fights like a boss!
Women are often left astonished when they find their men leaving the conversation mid-way if they somehow get triggered or hurt.
For a woman who believes that resolution of a fight is only possible if the issue at hand is discussed, dissected, and analyzed after a thorough talking with the partner, seeing her man go silent is more frustrating than anything else in the world.
Now the revelation is that men and women resolve their emotions differently.
One of the things a man needs in a relationship is time to think things over, to ponder long and hard about what transpired to get over the emotional trigger.
The more he talks, he believes he will say something impulsively which might hurt his significant other which is why he likes to retire in silence for some time to sort his thoughts.
Women, on the other hand, need to talk and blurt out the bitterness left within her after a conflict to feel free and light.
If the husband leaves a conversation midway, it cuts the opportunity for her to express her feelings. These feelings later get suppressed under layers of other emotions to create more conflicts in the marriage.
Related: 5 Things That Women Want From Men
A middle ground for needs of men and women in a relationship
Two different people with different sets of needs will have to make some compromises on their parts to make the marriage work.
It is very crucial for you and your significant other to understand that focusing on your own needs and paying no heed to your partner’s needs will not bring fulfillment and satisfaction in the marriage. Will you ever be happy if your other half is not contented?
If you constantly find your partner unhappy and mentally disturbed, will you be able to have complete mental peace?
If your answer is ‘NO’, you need to consider your partner’s as well as your needs to reach a middle ground. Sometimes compromise your needs and the other times let your partner compromise theirs to prioritize yours.
This should happen on the basis of whose needs are urgently required to be fulfilled.
Like CeeLo Green said, “Tolerance, compromise, understanding, acceptance, patience – I want those all to be very sharp tools in my shed,” a successful marriage needs the same tools.
So does the needs of men and women differ, according to you? Share your thoughts!
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