I Have Not Been Myself

I have not been myself for a long time, and even I pretended not to notice, along with everyone else. Itโ€™s a lonely place to be. ย Sometimes we abandon ourselves because thatโ€™s the pattern weโ€™ve always known, and itโ€™s toxic as hell, but we keep doing it. ย Itโ€™s hard to understand but sometimes familiar patterns feel like love, and Godโ€ฆ. Iโ€™ve been trying to love myself for my whole life. And Iโ€™m telling you now, the hardest thing Iโ€™ve ever done is unlearn all those patterns and teach myself the right way to love. ย Iโ€™m starting with myself. It hurts a lot, but I have faith that one day it wonโ€™t.
-Stephanie Bennett-Henry

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