When discussing about our mental health, did you know that there are hidden traits of depression? These traits might seem very normal on the surface, but there is more to it than what meets the eye.
What may be intriguing in the exploration of perfectly hidden depression (PHD) is this question: If you donโt know how to reveal your pain, how are others supposed to identify whatโs going on? How do you figure it out yourself?
โWhen you suffer from depression โIโm tiredโ means a permanent state of exhaustion that sleep doesnโt fix.โ
The best bet is to identify what constitutes the syndrome of perfectly hidden depression (a term I created). What is syndrome? Itโs a group of behaviors or beliefs that are found together, sort of like salt and pepper. When you see one, you find the other.
Identifying the traits of the syndrome itself will hopefully add a much-needed lens to your own camera, whether you be an individual, parent, doctor, therapist, teacher, or friend. Itโs time to stop overlooking this presentation of depression โ one that does not fit the criteria for classic depression, but can be as potentially harmful.
10 commonly shared characteristics of perfectly hidden depression
The following are 10 primary characteristics of PHD. Theyโre not all present in every person who might recognize themselves in PHD. But theyโre fairly consistent.
If you identify with PHDโฆ
10 Hidden Traits Of Depression
1. You are highly perfectionistic, with a constant, critical inner voice of intense shame.
Having a perfectionistic streak is one thing. You try to do your best: โIf itโs worth doing, itโs worth doing well.โ Yet you can silently berate yourself if youโre not at the top, at all times. You may allow yourself one area in which youโre not proficient โ for example, laughing and saying you couldnโt skate if your life depended on it.
Or you canโt tell a joke. But if itโs an activity or a pursuit that is meaningful to you, it needs to appear perfect, especially if itโs going to be evaluated or seen by others. Youโre the perfect parent, most accomplished lawyer, head of the class, or best friend. You consistently measure and evaluate your status, and if youโre not meeting perceived expectations, you ramp up the pressure. Inner shame governs your choices and your world.
2. You demonstrate a heightened or excessive sense of responsibility.
Youโre very aware of duty, obligation, and loyalty, and can be counted on in a crunch. Youโre the first to notice when somethingโs going wrong and look for solutions. Youโre a good leader, although not the best delegator. This sense of responsibility can turn painful, as you may readily blame yourself, rather than taking a moment to understand the entire picture. This tendency can leave you vulnerable to manipulation.
3. You have difficulty accepting and expressing painful emotions.
I know when Iโm sitting across from someone whoโs smiling brightly at me while simultaneously describing a significant loss or disappointment that I may have tripped over someone else whoโs hiding. Not always. But itโs a question I begin to ask myself as a therapist.
Anger is avoided or denied. Sadness is banished to the back of the closet. Disappointment is for whiners. You may not even have the words to express these emotions. You stay in your head most of the time, rather than connecting with heart โ analyzing, decoding, thinking through things.
4. You worry a great deal and avoid situations where control isnโt possible.
You arenโt someone who can stay easily in the present. If you do yoga, you may hate the final position, for which the suggestion is to breathe and relax. You may love to cook, but have a very hard time sitting with guests and enjoying the meal.
The need for control is strong, and so a lot of time is spent worrying about the things that might occur to interrupt that control. Ironically, Itโs important to hide this worry. So it might not be obvious to others that it exists. People will shake their heads and wonder aloud, โYou never seem to have a care in the world. You donโt sweat the small stuff.โ
You bet youโll look as if things move easier for you, and without much effort; your worry is hidden, right under the smile.
5. You intensely focus on tasks, using accomplishment as a way to feel valuable.
โYouโre only as good as your last success.โ You count on activity and accomplishment to distract yourself from any inner insecurities or fears that might try to seep out of hiding.
โWe hide to try our feelings, but we forget that our eyes speak.โ
We all do this to a certain extent. If youโre having a bad day, it feels good to get something done that perhaps youโve been putting off. Or you get a promotion at work. Or someone emails you about how your kindness was so meaningful to them. Thereโs value in purpose and effort.
But you carry it too far. You may not know what brings you a sense of esteem, except for those accomplishments and tasks. And thatโs the problem.
6. You have an active and sincere concern about the well-being of others while allowing few if any into your inner world.
This isnโt a fake concern, and it does not pretend or insincere. Itโs real: Caring for others is what you do very well. However, you donโt let others sense any vulnerability. You donโt reveal pain from your past. Your spouse might know, but itโs not discussed. Thereโs a wall up against anyone discovering that youโre lonely or fatigued, empty or overwhelmed.
This can be especially frightening when suicidal ideation is present. And you canโt let anyone in. Devastatingly, even if you do, you may not be believed. โWhat, you? Depressed? Youโve got everything in the world going for you.โ And that could lead to devastating consequences.
7. You discount or dismiss hurt or abuse from the past or the present.
Compartmentalization is a skill. Itโs the ability to be hurt, sad, disappointed, afraid, or angry about something and to put those feelings away until a time when you can deal with them better. Healthy people do it all the time. You can even do it with joy or happiness. Sometimes itโs not the time to burst out singing.
However, if you identify with PHD, you rigidly over-compartmentalize. Youโve developed very strong boxes where you lock painful feelings in, consciously or unconsciously, shoving them into a dark recess of your mind. This allows you to discount, deny, or dismiss the impact of life experiences that caused pain in the past, or the present.
โHaving anxiety and depression is like being scared and tired at the same time. Itโs the fear of failure, but no urge to be productive. Itโs wanting friends, but hate socializing. Itโs wanting to be alone, but not wanting to be lonely. Itโs feeling everything at once then feeling paralyzingly numb.โ
One woman identifying with PHD emailed recently that sheโd been diagnosed with PTSD, and that has totally dismissed it. โWhat happened to me was no big deal,โ she wrote. โMuch worse things have happened to other people.โ That may or may not be true, but the pain is still pain.
8. You have accompanying mental health issues, involving control or escape from anxiety.
You live your life in a very controlled, well-governed fashion. So actual psychiatric diagnoses that might co-exist with PHD might be disorders having to do with control, such as eating disorders and/or obsessive-compulsive traits. Alcohol or sedative medications could be used to escape anxiety as well.
โDepression is being colorblind and constantly told how colorful the world is.โย
9. You hold a strong belief in โcounting your blessingsโ as the foundation of well-being.
I believe in counting your blessings. You bet: Itโs healthy, and it can keep you optimistic and grateful. However, if youโve read this far and identify with PHD, you may feel guilt or even shame if you are ever anything but rigidly positive. Expressing compassion toward yourself?
Thatโs out of the question; youโve got too many blessings in your life. And any suggestion of self-compassion gets designated as whining or complaining. And thatโs not allowed.
10. You have emotional difficulty in personal relationships but demonstrate significant professional success.
The vulnerability that is linked to true intimacy is hard for you. While driven to be productive and achieve, you arenโt likely to be someone who can easily relate on an intimate level. And you may have chosen a partner, who in fact, doesnโt allow vulnerability, either, or doesnโt have that capability. Your relationship will be based primarily on what you do for each other, rather than who you are for each other, with the emphasis staying on the kids, your careers and being the perfect-looking couple.
If you have anyone in your life, be it a family member or a friend, who exhibits these hidden traits of depressions, try to talk to them about it. They might not even realize themselves that they are depressed; you can help them acknowledge it and deal with it in a positive and constructive way.
If you want to know more about the hidden traits of depression, watch this video below:
Written By: Margaret R Rutherford Originally Appeared In: Psychology Today
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Is depression more common in males or females?
According to studies, women are more likely to be diagnosed with depression than men. However, depression can occur at any age and there are several factors depending on it.
Can the brain repair itself after depression?
One of the hidden traits of depression is that the brain may be impaired but it can recover. The American Academy Of Neurology also confirms this neurological aspect.
Is depression a permanent condition?
Depression is a chronic mental health condition which is not curable. But one of the hidden traits of depression is that it is treatable and a person can recover and live a healthy life.
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