How To Keep The Thrill In A Relationship?

 / 

How to keep the thrill in a relationship? Keeping the romance alive in your relationship, and working towards making sure the spark is still there, can really do a whole lot of good to your bond, in the long run. Hereโ€™s a valentine special post to help you with your relationship.

Whether you have been together for a few months or for decades, it is important to take steps to maintain some spark in your relationship. Some consistency can be nice in a relationship, but variation from the everyday routine is important to make things more fun. If you are in a monogamous relationship, that variety needs to come from within your partnership.

While it would be wonderful for you two to get away to some exotic island where you could spend days sipping coconut-flavored drinks on the beach, you also want to have some ways to electrify your relationship during your normal days. So, how to maintain the thrill in a relationship?

13 Tips On How To Keep The Thrill In A Relationship

Here are 13 great ways to put some spark back into your relationship this valentineโ€™s day that donโ€™t take a lot of time or money but can be pretty powerful when you apply them.

1. Letโ€™s get physical

Physical touch is key to a significant relationship. Sure, this includes sex, but also so much more. Give your partner a hug, rub his back, hold her hand, offer a massage. Oxytocin is released with physical touch, which has been shown to give lots of benefits, from feeling closer to being more generous and even having a stronger immune system.

Related: 5 Intriguing Ways To Revive Your Relationship

2. Smile! Youโ€™re on camera

Pretend as if a camera is following you around every time you interact with your spouse (except when you are having X-rated time). How would you want to act if you knew you were being watched by others? Kind, thoughtful, easygoing? Now act like that every time you are with your partner.

3. Say โ€œIโ€™m sorryโ€

We all mess up from time to time, say things we later regret, and do things we really shouldnโ€™t. And yet, so often we justify these actions, to ourselves and our partners. This can lead to resentment and defensivenessโ€”not the ingredients for a happy relationship.

Next time you mess up, admit your mistake and move on. It will help your partner feel closer to you.

4. Looking good

Take steps to feel good about your body and the way you look. This is for you and your partner. For example, when women feel good about their bodies, research shows they are 19 percent more satisfied in their marriage. Donโ€™t worry; you donโ€™t need to look like a model. Just taking steps to feel good about yourself can be helpful to you.

As one of my male clients said, โ€œI donโ€™t need her to be skinny; I just want to know that she puts in some effort to look good. It makes me feel important.โ€ I have had female clients express similar sentiments.

5. Listen to your partner

This tip is multifaceted. First, it is important to listenโ€”really listenโ€”to your partner. Ask him about his day and then actually be interested. (If you find it tough to be interested, you might want to practice some empathy skills training.) One client who came in because he and his wife were considering a divorce lamented, โ€œShe never even asks me about my day. She just complains about hers.โ€ Your partner wants to be heard and understood.

Another reason to listen to your partner is that your partner is telling you what he or she wants from you. What kinds of things does he say or do to tell you that he loves you? For example, when we were first married, I realized my husband often told me โ€œI am so proud of youโ€ when I was talking about my work. At first, I just said, โ€œthanks,โ€ but then I realized that was what he needed to hear from me. And when I started telling him that I was proud of him, I could tell that he felt really loved by me.

Related: 50 Deep Questions That Can Strengthen Intimacy In Your Relationship

6. Have outside support and interests

Your partner cannot meet your every needโ€”best friend, stress-manager, mentor, conflict-resolutor, chick-flick watcher, sporting even spectator. It is important that you have additional sources of support in your life. This will take pressure off your mate to be your everything. Even better, pursue your own interests. Sure, itโ€™s great to do things together. But you also want to respect your own areas of interest and follow those passions.

7. Do fun stuff

If going to Target is the most exotic thing you tend to do on weekends, itโ€™s time for a change. And you donโ€™t need a ton of cash or vacation days. Choose to do something fun together. This could be watching a funny movie, going for a hike, trying a new restaurant, learning something new by taking a class together, volunteering, or working out together.

Anything new and positive can help boost the happiness in your own relationship.

Related: Has The Attraction Waned? 4 Things To Know About Keeping A Long-term Relationship Alive

8. Focus on win-win

Stop keeping score of all that you do (and all that your partner doesnโ€™t). Stop your need to be right.

People in happy relationships donโ€™t view themselves as two different sides. There is no โ€œI win, you loseโ€ mentality. Instead, they focus on win-win. That means being willing to compromise, admitting when youโ€™re wrong, and focusing on being happy instead of being right.

9. Reunited and it feels so good

When you and your partner reuniteโ€”at the end of a day, when one of you comes back from a trip, or even when you wake upโ€”do something to show your love. When your partner comes home, for example, stop what you are doing (within reason) and devote just a few seconds to being completely present with her.

Give her a hug or kiss, look her in the eyes, and ask her how she is. Put down your phone, pause the TV, turn down the stoveโ€”do whatever you need to focus even just a short amount of time on your partner. You both will feel much more connected.

10. Be respectful

John Gottman is a pioneer in research about the longevity of marriages. In fact, in a longitudinal study, he was able to predict with 93 percent accuracy which couples would eventually get divorced. He has identified what he refers to as the four horsemen, which are predictors of relationship problemsโ€”criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.

The quick antidote for these is to simply be respectful. Rather than criticize, openly communicate without criticism. Instead of contempt, express disappointment without eye rolls or passive-aggressive comments. Ditch the defensiveness; it is important to take feedback so you and your relationship can improve. And rather than stonewall, listen to your partner and have a constructive conversation when things are not going as smoothly as you would like. Learn to communicate even your disappointments with respect.

how to keep the thrill in a relationship

11. Just ask

This one takes an open mind. Ask your partner, โ€œWhat is one thing I can do this valentines week to be a better partner to you?โ€ The response may be surprising. The goal is not to be defensiveโ€”โ€œI already do that anyway!โ€ or โ€œYay, I wish you would do that, too!โ€

Instead, simply absorb what you hear and take steps to implement your partnerโ€™s desire (as long as it is within your moral boundaries). This is a great way to meet needs that you may not have even realized your partner had.

Related: 10 Acts Of Love To Amp Up The Romance In Your Relationship

12. Abide by the 5-to-1 rule

While you may think giving your partner a compliment will counter some negative โ€œfeedbackโ€ you provide, think again. The โ€œmagic ratioโ€ is not 1:1, but rather 5:1.

This means that in order to have overall positive feelings about your relationship, you need to have at least five positive encounters (actions, statements) for every negative one. The take-home? Spend more time telling and showing your partner what you love and appreciate about them, laugh more, and spend more fun time together. When you do, the tough times are easier to get through.

13. Drop the perfectionism

Stop expecting your partner (or yourself) to be perfect. Drop the all-or-nothing attitudeโ€”โ€œYou didnโ€™t ask me about my presentation today, so you donโ€™t care about meโ€ or โ€œYou didnโ€™t want to have sex last night so you donโ€™t find me attractive.โ€

Stop personalizing and generalizing your partnerโ€™s actions. Instead, accept where they are. Be assertive by communicating your needs and wants in a respectful manner. Forgive your partner. And move on.

Above all, be hopeful. Relationships, like life, have ups and downs. If you are on a downward slope right now, have faith: Things can get better. Put some time, energy, and love into your relationship. Focus on being the best partner you can be. Get help if you need it. And see the positive in your partner and your relationship.

Have a happy Valentineโ€™s day!

For daily inspiration follow Dr. E on Instagram: DrELombardoย https://www.instagram.com/drelombardo/ย 


Written By Elizabeth Lombardo 
Originally Appeared In Elizabeth Lombardo 
Ways To Keep The Thrill In Your Relationship Pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

The 5 Neurodivergent Love Languages: How Your ADHD/Autistic Partner Shows Love

Neurodivergent Love Languages

All minds are not wired the same way to express and show love. For those on the autism spectrum or with ADHD, affection might look a bit different. Below are five neurodivergent love languages to help you understand love from a different perspective!

We know about Gary Chapmanโ€™s The Five Love Languages, but these languages arenโ€™t designed for neurodiverse individuals โ€“ who express care and affection differently. Sometimes their loved ones donโ€™t recognize how they share their feelings, or why they act like they do.

So, letโ€™s take a look at ADHD and autistic love languages, which might take on different forms to show how they like to receive affection.

Up Next

Complacency: The Silent Killer Of Relationships

How Complacency Can Ruin A Perfect Relationship

Has your relationship slipped into complacency? When comfort leads to blurred boundaries, itโ€™s time to reignite the spark. Learn how to refresh your connection together!

Can being too comfortable in a relationship lead to the end?

Key points

Complacency can happen over time in relationships.

Becoming too comfortable leads to blurred boundaries.

There are ways to refresh a relationship if complacency sets in.

Up Next

10 Surprising Perks of Dating a Tomboy: Why Sheโ€™s the Best Girlfriend Youโ€™ll Ever Have

Surprising Perks of Dating a Tomboy

Dating a tomboy brings an exciting mix of fun, friendship, and romance. When youโ€™re dating a tomboy, youโ€™re in for a relationship thatโ€™s refreshingly different. Sheโ€™s someone whoโ€™s down-to-earth, ready for adventure, and brings out the best in everyone around her.

From shared hobbies to spontaneous plans, being with her is all about enjoying life without pretenses or drama.

If youโ€™re curious about what makes her such an amazing partner, here are 10 surprising perks that prove dating a tomboy might just be the best decision youโ€™ll ever make!

Related: 10 Things You Need To Know If Yo

Up Next

How Playfulness Can Transform Your Love Life

How Playfulness In A Relationship Can Transform Your Love Life

Is your relationship feeling stale or distant? Wondering how to reignite the spark? Discover how bringing playfulness into your love life can create deeper connections and renewed passion.

Looking to revive a dying flame? Try the power of play.

Key points

The four types of relationship playfulness are other-directed, intellectual, whimsical, and lightheartedness.

Other-directed and intellectual are the most highly predictive of relationship satisfaction.

All types of playfulness are related to at least some facet of relationship well-being.

Up Next

7 Types Of Intimacy To Deepen Your Relationship

Ever wondered how to deepen your bond with your partner? Learning these 7 different types of intimacy in a relationship that can bring you closer in meaningful ways. Try it out now!

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Intimacy is important, but how do we cultivate it?

Up Next

The Pebbling Love Language: Inspired By Penguins To Transform Relationships

For some people love doesnโ€™t mean big actions and expensive presents, but rather small things matter the most to them. So hereโ€™s pebbling love language โ€“ inspired by penguins. Letโ€™s find out if you have this language of love without even knowing it.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

What I

Up Next

Can TikTokโ€™s โ€˜Meeting Someone Twice Theoryโ€™ Really Lead To Love?

Has a person ever crossed your path and then reappeared at another point in your life, causing you to feel like you have some kind of unexplainable bond with them? According to the newest idea from TikTok, Meeting Someone Twice Theory โ€“ is a meaningful thought that says love often needs a second chance.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

So letโ€™s learn how the universe