Why You Should Never Date A Man Who Isn’t An Adult On The Inside

What is even the point of dating a man who looks like he has got everything together from the outside, but isn’t an adult on the inside? Dating a man who isn’t an adult on the inside can get straight-up exhausting and oh-so-annoying after a point.

Remember that last guy? The one who actually and totally looked like a grown-up but actually and totally was not? You know, tall, dark, and handsome… and like a child on the inside? He was willing, able, and eager to have sex but what he really seemed to want was a mommy to take care of him.

Remember that guy? And (yikes!) remember how, for a hot minute, you totally turned into his mom? There you were, reminding him of every little thing, explaining to him why he couldn’t let his emotions rule his behavior, feeling scared at the way he let his impulses drive everything from his road rage to his money management to his failure to be responsible about, well, nearly everything. You probably scolded him too, didn’t you? Bad mommy.

Theoretically, you’d think it would be kind of easy, this relationship stuff. But by now we all know better and, if you don’t yet know better, oh have you got some catchin’ up to do. Yes, we’re a social species and yes, we’re hardwired for falling in love, and yes we (mostly) all like sex… so what could possibly go wrong? 

Related: Peter Pan Syndrome: What It Looks Like and How To Deal

As it turns out there are quite a few things that could go wrong. Many of them are unpredictable (like a future psychotic break years after the wedding). But thankfully, most problems in romances are highly predictable when you think about them. So, please, take a minute and just think about this series, “Never Date a Man Who….” So far we’ve gone over three kinds of guys no woman in her right mind would keep dating. 

First, A Man Who Can’t Talk About Sex. Why not him? Because adult romantic relationships naturally include sex. It’s a legit part of the relationship and it will require some conversations here and there overtime to figure out who we are (as individuals), what we like (as a couple), and the skills to address issues that come up.

Second, you are strongly advised to Never Date a Man Who Can’t Embrace Equality. I know, I know, sounds political but, really, isn’t the concept of two of you being of equal worth sort of what you have in mind for your future together? It’s implied, right? Equality does, after all, offer the only realistic remedy for loneliness.  

Third (and it’s amazing we have to talk about this), Never Date a Man Who Can’t Commit to an Abuse-Free Relationship with you. We’re not talking here about a committed relationship in the colloquial sense of marriage or cohabitation or even just “goin’ steady,” but a commitment nonetheless.

We may argue, we may fight about things—but our commitment is that we will never engage in guilt trips, yelling, name-calling, or even a demeaning tone of voice. Respect: not too much to ask for from someone who’s auditioning for a leading role in your life. With romance as with baseball, when we think of home we think of a place where we can be safe. Who would ever want less?

Never date a man who isn't an adult

But men who aren’t grown-ups? How many can there actually be? Judging from my caseload over the last few decades, the answer would be, “More than you might think.” Think about it. If you’ve dated a bit (and no one here is slut-shaming), you’ve met some of these guys. They might have been interesting and fun for a minute before you came to realize that you’re the only adult in the room.

Related: 6 Differences Between A Mature Relationship And An Immature Relationship

Some of these men were the wounded poet type with very strongly held feelings (and words to match!). Some were fierce warrior types exhaling tough talk and wearing all the right t-shirts for “the cause.” There are subcategories like the uber-wounded patient who needs therapy very badly and the love of a good woman (like you!) is palliative but not curative.

Some were boys with expensive toys but no room in their hearts for the heroic journey required of every man as he moves from boyhood to manhood. You know, the hero who sets aside his own gratification, his agenda, his personal needs to care for those weaker and more vulnerable than himself—like the kids in his future. Maybe some of the man-children you dated were merely “in process” and with them, you were, perhaps, guilty of little more than picking the fruit before it was ripe. 

Want to know more about why you shouldn’t date a man who isn’t an adult on the inside? Check this video out below!

But men are not like melons in the supermarket. You can’t thump them to see how hollow they are. You actually have to get to know them, well, at least a little. Here, specifically, are a few pointers to separate the men from the boys: Does he have a job? Not so important, especially if he’s in school or in an economic downturn caused by a global pandemic.

Does he have a career? Very important. He knows (at least for now) who he is and where he’s going. Does he have buddies from work? Not so important. Does he have friends in his life, the sort of men who help him become a better man? The sort of men you respect? No? Then keep looking, because great men who have developed lives worth living are ones who possess lives worth sharing. They don’t need a mommy because they are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves.

It comes down to this. Adults are different from children. Children, by definition, aren’t grown-up enough to do a good job taking care of themselves. Adults, by definition, are supposed to be able to do all that and that’s why they get to raise children. 

If you’re the sort of woman who needs to rescue stray dogs, then you’ll end up being a mommy to a needy teenager. You get to decide who you want to make a life with.


Written By Steven Ing
Originally Appeared In Psychology Today
never date a man who is not an adult inside pin

— Share —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

10 Surprising Perks of Dating a Tomboy: Why She’s the Best Girlfriend You’ll Ever Have

Surprising Perks of Dating a Tomboy

Dating a tomboy brings an exciting mix of fun, friendship, and romance. When you’re dating a tomboy, you’re in for a relationship that’s refreshingly different. She’s someone who’s down-to-earth, ready for adventure, and brings out the best in everyone around her.

From shared hobbies to spontaneous plans, being with her is all about enjoying life without pretenses or drama.

If you’re curious about what makes her such an amazing partner, here are 10 surprising perks that prove dating a tomboy might just be the best decision you’ll ever make!

Related: 10 Things You Need To Know If Yo

Up Next

7 First Date Tips To Help You Score A Second One

So, you’ve finally mustered up the courage to ask out that special someone, and—drumroll, please—they said yes! Now comes the hard part: planning the perfect first date that will eventually help you score the next one. We know how much pressure you may feel there is riding on that first, nervous encounter, but there are some date tips that can ensure it’s as smooth sailing as possible.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle ||

Up Next

Being ‘Boysober’: What This New Celibacy Trend Means

In a world where dating and relationships are often considered essential pursuits, the concept of ‘boysober’ emerges as a deliberate departure from the norm. 

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

What Is Boysober Meaning?

The term was invente

Up Next

Can TikTok’s ‘Meeting Someone Twice Theory’ Really Lead To Love?

Has a person ever crossed your path and then reappeared at another point in your life, causing you to feel like you have some kind of unexplainable bond with them? According to the newest idea from TikTok, Meeting Someone Twice Theory – is a meaningful thought that says love often needs a second chance.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

So let’s learn how the universe

Up Next

How to Read Someone’s ‘Digital Body Language’ and Improve Your Dating Game

Gone are the days when catching someone’s eye across the room, or brushing someone’s arm, were the main ways of communicating interest and feelings. Now dating is online, and digital body language (DBL) is becoming important when it comes to connecting with potential partners.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

In this article, we will explain the importance an

Up Next

Is She Playing You? 8 Signs Of A Female Player

Dating these days can feel like a wild ride, isn’t it? You might find yourself wondering if that certain someone genuinely likes you or is just playing games. If you suspect that your partner may be a female player, then you have come to the right place, because that’s what we are going to talk about today.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Females players are masters

Up Next

What Is Your ‘Couple Identity’? 3 Ways It Can Help Enhance Your Love Life

What’s your couple identity? It has everything to do with that sense of “we-ness” which develops between lovers as time goes on. Let’s explore more!

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

It’s like having a unique dynamic where you see yourselves as part of one close-knit team. But what does that mean exactly, and why is it important for your